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Trying-to-Conceive Blog

Feeling Lost

This is my 12 cycles trying to conceive. I think I have try long enough to feel lost and devastated and angry and all those feelings.

3 months ago we went through the fertility assessment and everything check out OK. But my ovarian reserve is on the low side and DH's sperm is not of the best quality but the Dr told us this should not be a big issue. What we should worry about is our age. I am 36 and my biological clock is ticking fast and furious. And my ovaries are aging faster than they should.

I am seriously considering IVF, but I am not sure whether I am emotionally prepare. And financially of course, is also another concern. But our financial condition is alright at the moment and this shouldnt be the biggest problem. I am more worry on the disappointment. 

Went to see Dr.Helena again today and she prescribe me with DHEA supplements that should improve my ovaries condition, and to produce more eggs. And also some supplements for DH. And more blood test, (Kiara test, which I dont know wth is that and Vit D test). And the bill came up to RM1256. Oh dear....and we have not even go into the IVF procedure but have already spent so much money. I will see Dr. Helena again next week, to check if I'm ready to ovulate. 

Today I also bought Multivits and also Omega-3. But I feel it's a bit too late to take supplements now because supplements will take months to be effective. 

Of all the months, this month I feel most lost and depress. Today is CD3, last night I have been crying to sleep. I am usually a very cheerful and optimistic person and doesnt have much stress but this is really dragging me down emotionally. Everyone has been telling me to relax but this is not something I can control. :(

How long do I have to wait?



Me and my DF was trying for 4 years and nothing happened. He also told me that he was told by his doctor he would never get anyone pregnant. But I kept the faith and finally gave up on it. Coming to terms that his doctor was right. We took a 3 month break by just enjoying life and living life together really saying "screw this mess" and then BOOM! It happened. 5 weeks preggo. I promise you if you relax and say "screw it" it could do your body some good. I wish you all the best of luck hunny and I'm praying for you as well.

HUGS.....I don't know how to relax either other then when I'm completely spent on trying. I just know that you have to try 'some thing'. Don't give up hope. Take a break if you need to but don't let the fire die for your rainbow baby.