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Trying-to-Conceive Blog

Things infertility has taught me

1) Most everyone you know has only a vague concept of how fertility works, fueled by myths and the basically nonexistent sex ed in schools. 

We've all experienced this. Once you're past that learning curve of LH spikes, motility and morphology, and luteal phases, you have crossed into another realm of understanding. I know nurses who don't know this shit. And once you're here in this new realm, you realize you have no one to talk to. Even that friend or relative you talk to sometimes who is really supportive doesn't quite grasp it, and you feel like you're in a state of constant explaining anytime you bring it up to even the most well-intentioned people. 

2) Most people have no clue how ivf works.

I get it, it's a lot. And I blame item number 1 for a lot of the difficulty explaining it to people. I opened up to quite a few people about ivf, and even as I would update them, it turned into a big source of frustration for me because it's like I was constantly explaining and reexplaining. Even when we told people we have embryos, we were met with plenty of "so when does (husband) have to do his part" or "so what does that mean" *facepalm*. I'm saying all this to say, ivf gets LONELY, even when you open up to people. Because in my experience the majority of people just describe ivf as "expensive" and "exciting". They don't understand all the appointments, the meds, the waiting, the stages. And that gets kind of frustrating, when you're jacked up on hormones and are explaining to someone what a follicle is for the third time. A lot of fertility-privileged people truly see ivf as "easy", and that is a hard perception to struggle alongside. When I'm drowning in hormones and all anyone can say is "how exciting" it is that we're doing ivf, I kind of want to punch them.

3. You'll get over it.

You'll learn patience. You'll learn humility. You'll learn to reach out to people when things get hard, not because they know what it's like to struggle with infertility but because they know what it's like to be human. And when all else fails, you'll find an online community where you can vent to your heart's content about injections and follicles and FETs. You will be okay.

Comments

I admire anyone who survives the gamut of IVF protocol and has sanity remaining. We have our embryo adopted baby growing, and Im so thankful that his genetic parents were successful in their IVF attempts and made the choice to donate their remaining embryos. I don’t know that I’m strong enough to have attempted the protocol for that.

Initially I really enjoyed learning the biology behind how it all works, and then I got over it like you are saying. It is frustrating to explain and re-explain, and then everyone always wants to know how much it is and then “insert their opinion on that here.” I appreciate your finding a peace about your process and keeping us all in the loop. I am so praying that this works perfectly for you!!

Thank you so much, nwt! Huge congratulations on your embryo adoption and pregnancy, idk how I missed that! I think I'm in a strange limbo right now. On the one hand, I'm excited we have embryos waiting. On the other hand, I'm coming off a lot of hormones and feel kind of bleh about the waiting, haha. But it helps to hear that others like you understand the feeling!

I've been reading your blog since 2014 when we were ttc. I come back often to just check on your progress. Ttc is lonely enough, people don't get it. Then to go through IUIs and IVF, is just a whole new world. Thank you for continuing to share your life with us! Cannot wait keep reading about your journey. You are not alone, and we get it!