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Trying-to-Conceive Blog

2dpo with Pcos 2nd round clomid** first cycle after chemical pregnancy

I torture myself with YouTube videos of 13-16 year olds pregnant vlogs.

Girls, if your babies have babies at the same age you did, then you'll be a grandma at my age. Get it girl.

As negative as I am, and as bitter as I've been for years even if you are terrible parents at 14 years old, have no idea what life is like, and its really your parents problem to raise you and your babies- I'm happy god willed you a family and you didn't experience this shit.

This is no way to live. I'm so fed up obsessing over my fertility. I'm not sure how much longer I can "try too hard" when it's "not meant to be"

Why did I think I would ever have my own family. I had a terrible childhood with a drug abusing mother and pedophile step father, and neither of them worked. We lived off of child support and I was often drugged by my own mother with Xanax, Ambien, tylenol pm. I've been in halfway homes, foster homes and finally into my grandparents custody after 16 years old.

I survived and worked hard to become the person I am today. And I am proud of who I have become. I can take care of myself but I'm lucky enough to have an amazing husband who takes care of me and I take care of him. I've worked since I was 16, finished school and have not relyed on anyone since. I learned important coping methods and learned from my mother's mistakes. I always thought I'd be an amazing mother. But being let down and disappointed has never ended.


I've never really had low self-esteem before, I'm a somewhat confident person but the last 2 or 3 years of ttc (out of 7) has really wore me out. 


Sending you love. You sound like an incredibly strong person, but regardless, I'm sorry the people who were supposed to raise, love, and protect you turned out to be monsters. Having to endure so much is exhausting, and unfair.

Use those experiences to be an amazing mother to your baby, and don't give up. You deserve to push through ♥ I feel your pain though.. My background and family history is very dark and pretty similar, only my biological dad wasn't in the picture, he was replaced by a disgusting, disturbed step dad. Meh. Anyway, we are survivors! This difficult journey through fertility will make the end result (a beautiful family), all the more amazing.

Thank you for sharing this though! Try to stop torturing yourself with those videos ;)

x Sha

It's an amazing thing to be strong and overcome, but of course that strength comes from many hard-fought battles, and it certainly does wear on a person over time. Though our journeys are different I can relate to much of the pain and struggle you mention. It is so hard to feel like you've done "everything right" and watch other people effortlessly bring kids into bad situations. There's no equity in it, and I used to spend a lot of heart-wrenching time wondering WHY. I still don't have those answers, nor will I ever, but I can offer you the assurance that you are not alone. I pray that this cycle you get the bfp that leads to the family you want and deserve.

You both are so amazing and thank you for your heartfelt comments. I really appreciate you taking your time to comfort and reassure me. Much love to you both.