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Trying-to-Conceive Blog

2ww: Sh!t your friends say

Going deeper and deeper into the depths of my TTC months I've noticed friends can sometimes say things that frankly do not help. Don't get me wrong, some friends are supportive and understanding and some are supportive up until they plan a night out and you have changed your lifestyle so won't be getting shit faced drunk on these outings. This is what has been happening to me recently. A few of my friends are either no where near thinking about having children or just don't get TTC. This month I have changed my diet, but still allow some treats for myself. A big thing I have cut is alcohol, but I had one drink last night to appease my friend. She, ofcourse, tried to get me to drink more and when I wouldn't looked at my other friend sadly like I had become some freak. This frankly annoyed me, and I ended up going home early after a few things were said.

So here's shit your friends might say that will piss you off:

1. "You can't just not live your life and completely change your lifestyle"- The mantra of the friend who loves to get wasted and misses her drinking buddy. They don't know the desperation of the two week wait and the feeling of "I could of done this or that differently" when your period arrives. Sometimes explaining this to them falls on deaf ears.

2." Well Katie just had a baby by accident she was drunk and on the pill and just got pregnant so you can too."- great for Katie, so happy for her. But some of us have to work a little harder. Sometimes friends don't understand that everyone is different. Maybe Katie didn't have to have cancer cells removed from her cervix and doesn't have womb problems and maybe her boyfriend has crazy fertile sperm. 

3. "Just relax, don't think about it and it will happen"- This is when you tilt your head with wide eyes grinning and say "Thanks I'll try that." Not thinking about it or not sneakily typing 3dpo symptoms into google is as easy as not eating ever again in your life.

4. "But if you have a baby you can't drink/go out/party/ sleep in. Maybe it's a good thing it's not happening now."- HA OK, but you've weighed this all up and decided you're fine with very little sleep in order to create a human.

5. "It just isn't meant  to happen right now."- OK. Thanks for that.

6. "Maybe just don't talk about it so much."- I kind of get this one, sometimes the obsession can cut into your friend time. When they ask how you are maybe they don't want to hear how you lay on your back with your legs in the air for an hour instead of 20 minutes today.

7. "We spoke about it, and if you can't get pregnant I will be your surrogate."-While this is a touching gesture, it can't help but sometimes make you feel a bit lame. Like great, even they feel sorry for my inability to reproduce. 

8. "Can't you just adopt?"- Yes but we'd like to try and have a baby first if possible. Adoption is personally something I would do if I do find we can't create a baby of our own.

9. "Just have like IVF or something."-That's not how it works, you have to be assessed first.

10. "I don't get why you want a baby now, I know tons of people who've had babies at 33 and travelled the world first and been fine."- Because being a mother is the one thing I know I was meant to do? Because I've always wanted a family? 

 

Usually, the best thing to do is confront said friend and tell them how they are reacting really isn't helpful. It's easier said than done though.

Love,

Hopefulmum2b

 

Comments

Holy faaaahhhhhhk THIS IS SO RELATABLE. I lol’d at “Not thinking about it or not sneakily typing 3dpo symptoms into google is as easy as not eating ever again in your life.”
Actually it all made me laugh out loud, then cry out loud. Wtf. Friends suck sometimes.
Thanks for your honesty and humor, I needed that!

Haha I'm glad I made you smile! I know right?!?!?!! Friends suck ass sometimes!

I feel you so much! Sometimes I get from an empathetic friend, “have you tried the tests to tell you when you’re ovulating?” Girlfriend, I am so far past that... varicocele surgery, miscarriage after two years of trying, chemical pregnancy. Oh, ovulation predictor tests! That one never occurred to me!

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