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Trying-to-Conceive Blog

2ww: Driving me/myself/and I crazy

So I think I'm about 5 or 6 dpo...and I can't stand the fucking wait. Out the window with being 'relaxed' and 'not looking at my period tracker everyday' and 'Not sneakily checking my CM then googling 5dpo yellow CM' into google at every opportunity. UGH! I literally sit and wait for a twinge. I squish my boobs so much you'd think I'm prepping for a page 3 photoshoot. Then ofcourse after all that squeezing they feel sore! 

I'm mainly feeling down because I feel a bit 'periody.' I'm due in about 8 or so days and I can feel slight periodyness in my womb I swear! Feeling very emotional, wanted chocolate and ever so slight pains. My husband is happy as larry, and got totally pissed up to the max Saturday saying "I drank like that because I just know it's going to happen this month." I sit there trying to stop my face morphing into that of a demon silently saying to myself "OH YEAH!!??!?!??!! Like you did every other fucking month!!!?!?!! And we already have a low sperm count to deal with so thanks for getting pissed with your mates and possibly further ruining your sperm!!!" But instead I calmly say " I don't think we will." Because positive Penny has died and been buried deep somehwere within me. 

We are only making these changes to have a baby, and I feel like I take it very seriously. But my dear husband just thinks he has to behave until the two week wait arrives. I have shown him multiple articles now about how long it takes for sperm to recover.

I feel I'm just mentally prepping for a BFN, because I've tried prepping for a BFP and it's just brought me so hard to the ground. I feel like I'm doing time in a weird prison. I know I'm no where near out yet, guess I'm just emotional.

From your emotional wreck of a person,



gah! what is it with them? my first hubby did absolutely nothing to help things along and I used to get apoplectic. ..but silently, as women do.
I have no advice that would not sound patronizing (at best) or insulting (at worst)
Like the OP said to me 'i got nothing but I wish you the best luck' I really do. This process can suck. A lot.

Oh toooootttalllyyy. Doing time in a weird prison. Yes. That’s it.
My partner smokes pot daily and then insists it’s not enough to “make a difference” which I think is nonsense but my standards for male behavior are so low at this point that I just shrug it off and tell him “nice work only getting a little stoned.” Then he laughs and I glare. Men are preposterous.
Also I wrote in my cycle calendar today “3 DPO and I already have the sinister AF feeling” so yeah, I relate. So hard. I’m sorry, dude. But positive Penny isn’t dead she’s just hiding in the sunken place. You will meet again, one way or another.