What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

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What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby tryingnumber3 » Wed Oct 15, 2014 2:15 pm

I was just thinking and would like to share with any of you 1st time moms my experiences with what no one tells you about after you have the baby. I would have considered myself fairly educated about pregnancy and birth. I read several books, read info about my growing baby's development daily, and asked many questions. However there are many things I did not know about postpartum that could have really helped me, had I known how to prepare. These are just my experiences and should be read as such. In no particular order, here is my top 3 things.

1. After you have the baby and have to go to the restroom the 1st time, it may be difficult. I had an episiotomy and tore and took several weeks to be able to stand for any amount of time. Had I known, that my first bm would be the most painful event of my life, I would have taken stool softeners and drank plenty of water.
Also, they give you a bag with a squirt bottle to clean yourself, a giant diaper, mesh panties, witch hazel pads and a topical spray.
2. You will have a giant "period" for about a month.
3. If you plan on breastfeeding, it will probably hurt the first few days/week. You and the baby are getting used to it and bf requires proper technique. If baby isn't latched properly, you will get blisters on your nipples like I did. Aim your nipple to the roof/back of baby's mouth.
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby shadypersephone » Wed Oct 15, 2014 2:17 pm

Oh my god! This is awesome! Can't wait to see more advice come in as I'm a FTM. Totally stalking.
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby tryingnumber3 » Wed Oct 15, 2014 2:21 pm

I have had two very different pregnancies, births, and babies. It would have been so helpful had I known these things at least before birth. My first few weeks were really stressful and painful with dd1 and if I can save any one from that, I'll be happy. If you have any questions feel free to ask.
Me: Jessica 26
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DD3: 7/21/15 :babyg:
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby HighlandGamesGirlCO » Wed Oct 15, 2014 2:56 pm

LOVE YOU for posting this - I would have been soooo ill-prepared! :doh:

Thank you!!
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby moondreamer » Wed Oct 15, 2014 3:50 pm

First a little back ground info on me. I had my first baby in July of 2013. I ended up with a C-section because I would not dilate even with pitocin even after my water broke naturally. I was pretty upset because I wanted a natural birth until my doctor told me this. If a persons appendix fails or gull bladder fails to preform nobody thinks twice about needing to have surgery to fix it. So she told me to look at C-section the same way. Some times cervix's just don't dilate which happen to my sister and my mom. Hearing this really put it into perspective for me. That being said a little info on recovery no one told me about.

1. Its normal to have huge blood clots come out a couple of days later. It happened to me 5 days later and I thought something was super wrong. We raced to the ER they checked me out and everything was okay. After talking to some other friends they told me the same thing happened to them.
2. Breast feeding can Hurt even if your latch is correct, using a nipple guard was the only thing that saved me and helped me get through those first few weeks. I wasn't able to get it on fast enough for all of the feedings but when i did it helped. Plus it didn't give my son nipple confusion at all. In fact my son refused all bottles and pacifiers which kind of sucked for us. (My son is 14 months and still breastfeeds)
3. I had a hard time adjusting to the constant neediness of my son at first. I'm not saying I didn't love him it was just over whelming at times, remember to take time for yourself even if its to stand in the backyard for a few minutes it helps.
4. Going poo for the first couple of times seriously hurt even with a c section.
5. Oh and I barely used anything that I packed for the hospital. Other then my shower supplies, hair brush, camera, phone, ipod that is about all I used. I would say pack snacks because at my hospital they never seem to give that much food for meals so I was always hungry.
Well I hope that helps
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby tryingnumber3 » Wed Oct 15, 2014 3:53 pm

You're so very welcome! If I think of anything else, I will be sure to include it.
Me: Jessica 26
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DD3: 7/21/15 :babyg:
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby tryingnumber3 » Wed Oct 15, 2014 3:58 pm

Oh yes moondreamer.
oh I forgot about "fundal massage". Basically every time the nurse checks on you after birth she will massage your fundus of your uterus. It hurts and causes blood to gush out. The goal of it is to get your uterus to shrink down and lessen the bleeding.
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby B Michaelson » Wed Oct 15, 2014 7:28 pm

Following!!

I regret not saving some of the FTM advice my buddies posted in an old DDC, so this is great!
Me - 36
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby lovebabyej11 » Wed Oct 15, 2014 9:46 pm

This is awesome! Thank you!
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby sunmaid » Thu Oct 16, 2014 9:05 am

I used a nipple sheild too but my son was in the NICU for a week before we even had our first latch! And he was getring bottles for a week. And pacifiers. But with a nipple sheild he took the breast fine and refused pacifiers. And was on the bottle fine when I went back to work.

And what no one ever tells you in the post p artum period is that yiu will still lookpregnant fot a long time. That was unnerving. When I wasnt in close proximity to my son people would still ask me when I was due. My maternity jeans were my best friends for about 5 months. And your body may nevr look the same. Mine didnt.

Actually my post partum period was easy. Even though baby was in the NICU I knew he was going to be ok and I trusted the nurses. So I actually got a stretch of 6 hour sleep before I needed to pump again to keep up my milk supply. Then my husband was home the entire time then stayed home when I went back to work st 5 months.

And also the final thing I learned is dont wake baby to nurse if its the "time". I set my alarm for every 3 hours and woke baby up to nurse. It kiled me. I did it for three days and babybwould sleep for about 4-5 hour stretch at night. Which meant so did I. During the day baby would nurse every other hour then sleep every other hour. Just go with the flow.
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby Leezie » Sat Oct 18, 2014 6:09 am

I just wanted to add that some women won't be able to breastfeed, and it'll make you feel guilty as all hell. I tried for a solid 2 months with different techniques, nipple shields, pumping. But my body just didn't produce enough milk. I had to stay longer in the hospital because my daughter lost weight after birth because she wasn't getting anything from my stupid boobs. And it really does make you feel like a failure. So I did formula and tried to give her as much breast milk as I could.

If it happens to you don't worry, that feeling of failure and guilt is temporary and formulas not the devils drink. My daughter is one of the healthiest, active, smart and artistic children. She was mostly formula fed and she's perfect.
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby 80's Baby » Sat Oct 18, 2014 7:52 pm

Yes! The bottle is not the devil! I tried for weeks to bf dd1. I took every supplement, used every shield, hold, technique... it just didn't work out. I had a massive amount of guilt. We had her parent teacher conference last week - she's at the top of her class, and is being placed in their 'gifted program'. ;)
Also, for c/s moms - hold a pillow over your stomach for the first few weeks. Every cough/laugh/sneeze is going to hurt, so if you feel it coming on, hold the pillow tight against your stomach. It's a huge help.
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby Luckyduck23 » Sun Oct 19, 2014 5:48 am

This is a great thread (and IMO totally sticky-worthy!)

I just have to reiterate about how AWFUL your first bm after delivery has the potential to be..if someone had told me how bad/painful/disturbing it could be I would NOT have slacked on those stool softeners they prescribed weeks prior. As a matter of fact, I would have started taking them a full month prior and never ever EVER dared to skip a day! It WAS that bad, & worse! It was so awful and so hard and so painful that I was in enough agony to make DH extremely uncomfortable.. He had to leave the apartment for an hour and I had to call him to come back when I was done.. It was scary, and it (no lie or exaggeration!) felt like I was giving birth for the second time but this time no epidural, no demoral, no dilating and no way for anyone to help me. It took me 2 hrs of pain and misery and crying on the toilet to get that thing out of me..

Ladies, take your stool softeners! Also, ASK if you tore after delivery, where at, how many times and how bad.. I tore twice on the inside, which is also very painful..I was in constant pain after delivery until 8 weeks later, a constant sore bruising pain. DH and I tried to DTD after we got the OK at my 6 week checkup (where I finally found out I had torn badly and that was why I was constantly hurting), that didn't work out. Sex was a gradual thing and I couldn't even handle it until after 8 weeks postpartum!

I also couldn't breast feed and I did feel super guilty.. Don't beat yourself up like I did! If you can't BF it is NOT the end all, bottles are not evil, and your baby will not be behind or anything like that! I only got as far as 1 month bfing dd, she latched fine but could not stay awake to eat. I was constantly holed up in the bedroom tryin to feed her for 2 hrs at a time, she would fall asleep the entire time and when I gave up to let her nap she would wake 30 mins later starving.. I tried to pump to build supply and could never get more than an 1.5 oz every 5 hrs or so.. Dd just didn't stay awake long enough for it to build. I cried over supplementing and I cried over fully switching to formula..I felt like a total failure and I thought bc she only had a month of " the good stuff" that she would get sick all the time and have a hard time building immunities.. NOPE! She's a beautiful smart happy healthy active 3 year old who rarely ever gets sick! She's had a cold *maybe* 3 times in her 3 yrs of life (I only truly remember twice that she's been sick!). If you can't BF, it WILL be alright!!
Last edited by Luckyduck23 on Thu Feb 05, 2015 8:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby B Michaelson » Sun Oct 19, 2014 7:59 am

So good to know! I had a poop like that after my lap and it hurt so bad. I slacked on my stool softeners too and dearly regretted it. At the time I imagined it was similar to giving birth lol. It took hours and progress felt so slow. But I wouldn't know quite yet.
Me - 36
Hashimotos, JHS/EDS, ANA negative, 1 Fallopian tube
DH - 41
TTC #1 Aug 2012 - May 2014
DS - Born Jan 2015
TTC #2 since Aug 2016
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2004 - 7.5 weeks
Oct 2013 - 6w6d ruptured ectopic
Jan 2014 - Chemical

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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby B Michaelson » Sun Oct 19, 2014 8:01 am

Lucky you could pm unaffected and see if she can sticky it for you.
Me - 36
Hashimotos, JHS/EDS, ANA negative, 1 Fallopian tube
DH - 41
TTC #1 Aug 2012 - May 2014
DS - Born Jan 2015
TTC #2 since Aug 2016
May 2017 :bfp:

:angel: Our Angels :angel:
2004 - 7.5 weeks
Oct 2013 - 6w6d ruptured ectopic
Jan 2014 - Chemical

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