What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby lbgoehefam » Mon Oct 20, 2014 7:01 am

Love this thread!

Another thing about breastfeeding that no one ever told me, is that after delivery, when you're bf expect to have some pretty severe cramps/mild uterine contractions everytime you bf for around a week or so. And this isn't just for first time moms, the pain and intensity of these cramps/contractions while bf actually gets worse with every baby that you have, at least that's what the nurses told me and what I have experienced. It was pretty bad for the first few days with dd3....not looking forward to this time around if it is even worse!

I totally agree with the pooping too...ugh that was terrible!

Oh and I'm sure it's not this way for everyone but with dd1, after delivery, my entire body's muscles were so sore for the next 4 days or so that it literally hurt to try to sit up and get out of bed. I think this was bc I pushed so hard for so long. I remember my arms and back and abs felt like I had just ran a marathon and done a days straight worth of working out... felt like I had been hit by a bus lol.

Oh and expect to be 10× more emotional post pardum than you were with your pregnancy hormones. ...it's totally normal.

I'm interested to see to what other moms come up with for this thread, I kind of forgot about a lot of these but it's starting to all flood back to me now lol.
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby Mamahen » Mon Oct 20, 2014 5:06 pm

You'll have a huge amount of diarehha right around the time your water breaks (or labor really begins). This is good at least, because it will empty your bowels for delivery and give you a couple days to build up a new poop that will hurt like a #$@*&^#. That squirty bottle they give you for rinsing while peeing to dilute the pee stream is a GODSEND. And the numbing cream they give you to spread all over that stuff. Ugh. That was one of the most memorable parts of the whole thing.

I want to reiterate on the BFing thing. Yes, *some* people will find they truly can't do it and if that happens, you can try to find breast milk donors or do formula and don't beat yourself up over it! But it's rare. It's rare not to make enough milk and even more rare to have a physical reason you can't do it. I point out that it's rare because the hospital staff might minimize your ability to breast feed. The nurses might tell you because you're 'flat nippled, inverted nippled, too engorged, your baby is whatever' you can't BF so they need to give him formula. Bullshit. Ask to see the lactation nurse. Demand it.

My kid was also in the NICU... so she was getting her pacifiers and a bottle at first. I was determined to breastfeed. I come to find out I have inverted nipples (they wouldn't pop out). And I'm so engorged there's like NO WAY she can latch on. It's like sucking on a fully inflated football. There were ways around it. Nipple shields, pumping, etc... it was hard. It was painful. I needed support for a good two weeks to manage it. BUT once my body got used to the whole thing, my nipples popped out, my breasts worked great. My kid figured it out. It was a breeze and it was worth the 2 week pain in the ass frustration. So don't give up until you are SURE you can't do it.

In fact, this second time, the thing I'm most looking forward to? Breast feeding.. I don't know why. But it was a great thing. I think partially because I know it's going to be "easy" compared to the first time...so I'm looking forward to being experienced. ;)

The other advice that worked for us (and all advice has to work for you, or it doesn't work!), is to go with the flow. This advice took SO MUCH STRESS OFF... because we stopped trying to control every little thing and buck nature. I just gave up trying to make baby do things our way and just fit her in. Baby doesn't want to be put down? So don't put her down! Get a baby wrap, sling or carrier. Work her in as you go about life. Co-sleep, feed when she's hungry, etc... She's a baby - she isn't manipulating you. She isn't scheming for ways to make you do her bidding. She is purely following instinct and when her clock says "I'm hungry" she's hungry. So just go with it. That saved my life. Going with the flow. The stress was when I tried to bend her to my will and tried to follow what other parents told me to do... then it was her crying, me crying, her being miserable, me being miserable... her getting no sleep, me getting no sleep.

My kid is 5 now. She sleeps great on her own. She's incredibly (fiercely) independent. She is outgoing, friendly with strangers, loves going to school and going away from me. We read The Baby Book - which is kind of an intro to the Attachment Parenting philosophy. And what I liked about it is, the overall advice is "DO WHAT WORKS" and if anything of these doesn't work for you, modify it! Don't do anything that doesn't support you in being the best parent you can be. And don't feel guilty for doing what makes sense for your family.

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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby lbgoehefam » Mon Oct 20, 2014 6:44 pm

Well put Martha, I agree with everything you said. I thought that those stupid charts they make you do in the hospital where you mark down how long baby fed on each breast and what time etc etc where just ridiculous. No 2 babies are alike and it put so much unnecessary stress on breastfeeding. Oh and they almost ALWAYS will push formula supplementing on bc baby is losing too much or gaining to little. ..this really screwed up bf for me with dd1 and dd2...by the time I had dd3 I finally knew better than to supplement if she wasn't "gaining the amount she should" and after a few days she caught up and after a while she was actually off the charts for her growth. So yes do what works for you and baby and your family, and a lot of times mommy knows best :)
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby lbgoehefam » Mon Oct 20, 2014 6:51 pm

Oh and my water never broke before labor with any of my babies so it doesn't always happen. Although Martha I almost wish it did bc like you described, then at least I would've been cleaned out before pushing in delivery ( I'm not sure if I pooped on the delivery table or not but it's still a fear of mine even after 3 babies lol)
Dd 06/11/08 Charlize Michelle (we call her Charlie)
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby B Michaelson » Tue Oct 21, 2014 6:24 am

I fear the pooping too lol.
Me - 36
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby Mamahen » Tue Oct 21, 2014 12:13 pm

Hah! I think the diarrhea is pretty common, so it probably holds true for many mamas. :) But I will say, every month around my period I get really loose boweled and it always reminds me of what it was like a few hours before I went into labor. So I might just have that particular hormone reaction that drives that business. :) Lucky me?

Here's something else you reminded me of - you go into labor being all self conscious and fearing exposing yourself to a room of people and knowing they're going to be all over your vagina afterwards and in your business. I was really stressing about that invasion of privacy.

But when it was over... I remember being like "uh nurse, peeing hurts, what's going on down there, here TAKE A CLOSER LOOK." Like... I had no shyness. Once you go through labor and delivery, you don't give a crap who sees what. What? My breasts offend you? Too bad... I'll wave them around where ever I want. You don't want to know about my vagina? Then you can leave while I talk to someone else about it. Hah! No holds barred!

Over the years, I've gained some need for privacy back... but it's funny how your mind kind of takes care of that stuff when it's time to let it go. ;)

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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby Mamahen » Tue Oct 21, 2014 12:18 pm

Oh, and the Lactation Consultant will literally weigh your baby ounce for ounce and be able to tell you PRECISELY how much milk your baby gets out of your breasts. For those that haven't done that before.

Every woman has a different "let down"... more or less milk comes out.. like a fire house or a trickle. I might be able to pump out a bottle of milk in the same time another woman loses a spoonful. So "time feeding" is a stupid measure.

Which is just more reason to remember, ASK FOR THE LACTATION NURSE before you heed the advice of a regular nurse that sounds suspect to you. If a regular nurse is doing anything but supporting your efforts to feed your baby (and you WANT to breastfeed your baby)... then ask her to get Lactation and be gone from your room. I don't want to bash nurses, but individual nurses might not be supportive, so don't be afraid to advocate for yourself.
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby lbgoehefam » Tue Oct 21, 2014 12:32 pm

Lmao Martha!

Yes I agree the lactation consultants are really a Godsend and a great support system if you're struggling in any aspect of bf.

I can't remember if anyone has mentioned this or not but....Hemroids! I know there are many lucky ones out there that don't get them after delivery or towards the end of pregnancy but I was not one of those lucky ones lol. Tmi... I remember the next day after delivery of dd2, (someone had brought me a big bouquet of flowers to congratulate) and the nurse pointed to the biggest rose in the center of the bouquet and said " see this flower?, this is basically what your ass looks like right now." Lmao. I must have had some record Hemroids in that labor department bc I'm pretty sure every nurse must have gotten a debriefing on them before coming in my room because every single nurse I had during that time would say something like "how's your bum today?" Or oh yeah I heard you got some pretty bad Hemroids?!" Wtf lol. But even if my case was extreme, I know a lot of women who got them during pregnancy or delivery. Oh the joys ;)..
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby B Michaelson » Wed Oct 22, 2014 5:54 am

LOL Martha, I did hear that once you have kids your shame goes out the window lol.
Me - 36
Hashimotos, JHS/EDS, ANA negative, 1 Fallopian tube
DH - 41
TTC #1 Aug 2012 - May 2014
DS - Born Jan 2015
TTC #2 since Aug 2016
May 2017 :bfp:

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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby 80's Baby » Wed Oct 22, 2014 6:30 am

Yup. No shame. LOL
I think it's important to note - if you don't get the pre-labor loose bowels... you might poop when baby is born. It's true, and it's not rare. It happened to me when dd2 was born. Awful as it sounds, it's no biggie. In that moment, you're so focused on getting the baby out that you don't really care what else comes out. Plus, it's a sign that you're pushing correctly. When they say 'push', you push like you're having a bowel movement (hence, the hemorrhoids). Keep in mind that if it does happen, the doctors and nurses see it 5 times a day. They don't think of it as gross.
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby Gonzo1 » Wed Oct 22, 2014 7:44 am

I am a Feb 14 mom creeping around and wanted to share.

I had a really rough start to breastfeeding. DS had a really hard time latching, my nipples were bleeding, and it took 5 full days for my milk to come in. It was awful, but we got through it. I think, in retrospect, that after a 20 hour labor and 4 hours of pushing, he was so swollen and sore it was hard for him to latch properly.

I was working with a lactation consultant,talked to my mom and others...but no one told me about cluster feeding. All I knew was that my baby was wanting to nurse for hours at a time, screaming like he was starving if i took him off. I felt like a complete failure, unaware that this was all totally normal. Breastfeeding is complicated and uncomfortable at first, but if you can push through and assuming your body cooperates, it is worth it.
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby sunmaid » Wed Oct 22, 2014 4:13 pm

I'm looking forward to breastfeeding, too. I had a great experience nursing my son. In terms of cluster feeding, I remember laying in bed with the baby on my breast and he would nurse, sleep, nurse, sleep. I was lucky because I had help at home where all I needed to do was focus on the baby. I figured out how to wrap a moby wrap to hold the baby so I could nurse him in the sling and move about.

I was reading something that said that breast feeding is really a confidence game. If you are confident and relaxed, then it's easy. And easy in that problem solving is stress free with perhaps a latch is hurting. I nursed with a nipple shield for about 2 months so by the time I stopped using it, baby was very well established at the breast. I think having support with breastfeeding is absolute. If there are people around you who suggest a bottle at the first drop of the hat or ask you to give a bottle so they could feed the baby, it makes it hard to have that committed, confident mindset. My family, including my grandmother, were committed breastfeeders so I got a lot of support and space to breastfeed. And my husbands family was understanding of my commitment to breastfeed, even though my mother in law kept giving us bottles and nipples and formula that we ended up NEVER using and throwing away after storing them for a year. I think commitment and support is the absolute key in successful breastfeeding.

Im looking forward to nursing again but.., I'm a little nervous! Will I remember how to do it? Will this baby have problems? I know breastfeeding is instinctual and natural but you hear so many stories from women where their babies "wouldn't latch" that you wonder how much of that is true, or how much of it was the mother not having the right help and support. Because that is absolutely crucial. And lactation consultants aren't the end all and be all. It was my NICU nurse who finally helped me to latch my son after a week of failures when all the lactation consultant did was give me the same advice that I was taught during my maternal-fetal rotation in nursing school. Yeah, I know how to position the baby. Yeah, I know you need to aim up and bring the baby to the breast instead of the breast to the baby. Yeah, I know but WHY ISN"T HE LATCHING? Like I said, the right support and help is crucial. And mine came from the magical nurse in the NICU.

For this baby I'm going to enlist a LOT of help and go to a breastfeeding support group. And speaking of breastmilk, my boobs are leaking already.
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby SouthernBelle_87 » Fri Oct 24, 2014 4:52 pm

I just found this thread. Omg y'all are awesome!

Now I'm officially terrified of my first PP poop lol!!! I never really gave it much thought. And as for the giant period afterwards, I had SUPER light periods before I got pregnant, so this is scary for me! And I'm so so excited for breast feeding. My mom breastfed me and my brother so I plan on having her help me. And DH is completely on board with it and wants to do whatever he can to help me succeed. I swear I'm getting more and more excited every day for this baby!
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby B Michaelson » Tue Oct 28, 2014 7:07 am

My mom swears by lanolin for bf.

Luckily I spent time with her and my sister with her second baby postpartum and during her labour so I learned a bit. I was shocked at how purple and swollen her bum bits got and I remember thinking, wow, THATS what happens? Shoot!
Me - 36
Hashimotos, JHS/EDS, ANA negative, 1 Fallopian tube
DH - 41
TTC #1 Aug 2012 - May 2014
DS - Born Jan 2015
TTC #2 since Aug 2016
May 2017 :bfp:

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Oct 2013 - 6w6d ruptured ectopic
Jan 2014 - Chemical

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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby mrobyn22 » Tue Oct 28, 2014 8:26 am

Love this thread! I remember not wishing postpartum on my worst enemy...that's how bad it was for me every single time. I'm hoping now that I'm a bit older and know fully what to expect that maybe I will handle it more gracefully...yeah right, lol!
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BFP: 1/2/14 MC: 1/10/14
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