What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby Mamahen » Tue Oct 28, 2014 2:29 pm

I actually got a pack of diapers for MYSELF after I came home. So I could just leak blood and whatever and it would be easier to manage. :P I don't know if I'll do that again - but it's an option!

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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby B Michaelson » Tue Oct 28, 2014 3:18 pm

LOL. Martha they make some pretty nice diapers now I think. Well at least it looks that way in the hygeine aisle.

I remember getting the most comfy granny panties from the hospital after my surgery. My sister is a nurse and she said people actually go back and request more. I still have my 1 pair and may end up using them again based on what I am hearing.
Me - 36
Hashimotos, JHS/EDS, ANA negative, 1 Fallopian tube
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby BlueSwallow84 » Wed Oct 29, 2014 6:10 am

This is a GREAT thread! This will be my first so all this advice is wonderful - kinda scary, but great! I'm now scared of my first PP poo, but the advice about the stool softeners will help ease my worries!

I want to BF, and am preparing to do so, but I worry because one of my friends BF her daughter, and her daughter would NEVER take a bottle if she pumped. I know other people whose babies can do both bottle and breast. Is there anyway to help encourage both?
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby sunmaid » Wed Oct 29, 2014 6:43 am

Not all babies are the same. And how a baby feeds has a lit to do with mom (and dad who ever isbaby in cheif). My son was in the NICU not even taking bottles for a few days. Along with attempting to BF, why were trying to get him to take a bottle. My mom, now an Ob/gyn, started her nursing career as a NICU nurse to what they call the feeder/growers. She got my son to nipple a bottle. We started giving colostrum and my pumped breast milk. I finally got baby to latch with a nipple sheild that mimicked the feeling of a hard bottle nipple in his palate. After that, it was smooth sailing. When I went back to work at 5 months the baby took bottles fine. Never did take a pacifier.

Your baby will be it's own anomoly. So focus on the stories that reflect your commitment to how you want to raise your baby. You want to breastfeed, focus on those who support you by telling you their success stories. You fixate in the stories of moms whos baby wouldn't latch or boobs that didnt make enough milk, you can put money on that will happen to you. There are as many success stories to breastfeeding as well. But you hear a lot of the negative because a lot of moms out there need to know that they are doing it right and they are still ok. However you feed your baby that works best for you is what is right and ok. But I do believe a lot of moms unnecessarily give up. And it's from the lack of the right support to nail breastfeeding down. Cracked bleeding nipples? Bad latch and no one who has the right touch to fix it. And in terms of not enough milk, that truly happens when you are exclusively giving the breast with a good latch and baby is not wetting and pooping diapers and losing weight. A lot of moms think they aren't making enough milk because their baby seems hungry all the time. I think that comes from the lack of knowledge at how babies digest breast milk (easier and quicker) and that some babies are different and like and want to nurse. Some will sleep large stretches in the middle of the night, some won't. That is the personality of the baby, not a failure in the body to produce enough breast milk. Breastfeeding takes a lot of support, especially now when the alternatives are so readily available. And that lack of support starts with the negative stories.

I'm not saying any of this to make a formula feeding mom feel defensive. And there are mom's out there who physically CAN"T nurse their children and that is more than understandable. But breastfeeding moms need support to, perhaps even more support and encouragement to be successful at feeding their babies. Because establishing breastfeeding is not easy. Particularly for the mom who has never done it before. One should never judge another mom for how she feeds her baby. But one shouldn't hold back from offering support and encouragement for how she chooses to feed her baby either because some one who didn't feed their baby that way feels bad. (I feel like I might have opened a can of worms anyhow...)

You'll be fine. Go with the flow. You want to breastfeed but have your baby take a bottle if need be, make it happen. Don't wait for the first post boob bottle to be given by a babysitter (even if that sitter is a loving well meaning grandparent or family member who ends up bitching about not being able to feed your baby and making you feel like you've done something wrong for giving the breast). Always do a trial bottle run with baby before leaving baby with a bottle. Once you can get a baby to nipple once, it will be fine. If it takes technique, relay that to upur sitter. If the baby refused the bottle with them, then they didnt listen to you and did it wrong. Dont use that sitter again, until you know they will follow your instructions with out judgment or negativity. Like, would you leave you kid with a sitter who fed your kid diet coke and reeces piecec because it was easier to feed than the roasted squash you planned? All im saying is find people who support your choices. And ignore the negative stories. Your baby will do her own thing anyway.

I hope I haven't offended anyone. I support formula feeding and began combo feedings with my son when he was 9 months old and I had to go on an antidepressant for post partum depression. My son wasn't nursing at night anymore so I'd take my med before bed and my husband would give a morning bottle so the medication could clear my system before the mid morning feeding. And then when someone got on my case about breastfeeding in public (like I said, we all get judged for our choices on how we feed our babies), I began to give a bottle in public if I couldn't find a discreet place to breastfeed (and breastfeeding a 10 month old with a cover is nearly impossible). The experience of being harassed about breastfeeding in public is very humiliating. By 14 months he didn't ask for the breast and I didn't offer. Every mom has to do what is best for her and her baby.

Good luck, mama! My biggest advice for a new mom is to go with the flow. And do what feels comfortable. And get support. You'll appreciate it.
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Postby Mamahen » Wed Oct 29, 2014 12:56 pm

Good advice Sunmaid! There are many tricks and methods to getting a baby to go both ways - don't let anyone tell you it's impossible or you have to pick one or anything else. Make a plan and it will work. If someone stops you from following that plan, find another provider. :) My kid was in the NICU and the nurses there were not exactly helpful in getting me to nurse. And they gave her a bottle. And I had nipple problems, etc... and we were able to sort it out and get it done with a lot of help from experienced breastfeeding supporters.

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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby BlueSwallow84 » Wed Oct 29, 2014 2:30 pm

That's great advice, guys. I'm going to try to be as relaxed as possible about it, but BF seems like such an overwhelming thing when I read about it. But I have to remind myself that it's the most natural thing in the world, and I just have to trust my body and this baby and hope we'll be able to figure it out together :)
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby Mamahen » Thu Oct 30, 2014 8:22 am

BFing and other early struggles are just preparation for everything else... because it ALL seems impossible or awful or hard and then... poof... it's gone!

"This too shall pass" will become your mantra!

Taking a week or two to work through a (potentially, but not always!) rough start to breast feeding will be like NOTHING in the grand scheme. And then a couple months later, when you're BFing like a pro, releasing all those special hormones that help with postpartum everything, burning all those calories, giving your baby that great nutrition and antibodies... you'll forget what ever made it hard. You won't be downstairs mixing up bottles of formula in the middle of the night with just the right temperature water. Dealing with baby reactions to formula brands and frustrations with finding the right one and having it handy when you need it. You'll just whip our your breast and go to town. :)

Assuming you aren't in the tiny percentage of people who just can't do it. And if you are... then you can turn your thoughts to all the advantages of not breast feeding, because I'm sure those who ended up formula feeding found a light at the end of that tunnel, too. :)

Once you get BFing under control, you'll be struggling with things like sleeping, temper tantrums, bed wetting, pooping on the potty, it will never end! And it will be great. ;)

Martha
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby tryingnumber3 » Fri Nov 14, 2014 11:13 am

Hi everyone,
I am back on this side again! I would love to say that was a great post sunmaid. Breastfeeding can be challenging in the beginning, but it is so worth it. I can't wait to do it again. I bf dd1 for 18 months and so with dd2 I felt I was going to be an absolute pro. Wrong. She had a difficult time latching in the beginning, but with a little work and some guidance from a lactation expert, she got it in no time! Bf brings you so close to your baby and it's so much easier for night time feedings to keep the lights off and just pull up your shirt, than to go to the kitchen, mix a bottle up and heat it. I think if you really want to bf and keep trying, ask for all the help that you can, then you can totally do it or pump if there is something unusual about your anatomy that prevents it. As with anything, a negative attitude will yield negative results. I absolutely am so excited to begin bf again, but I know this time, it might not be as easy in the beginning as it will get to be.
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby Lisa79 » Wed Nov 19, 2014 10:37 am

I know everyone has brought it up, but I just have to mention how awful that first poop is after birth.
About to get graphic here about poo so... you've been warned.
I had a c-section and I was afraid to push too hard to poop. Was afraid my incision would open, but it was the only way it was going to come out. I know something tore back there b/c I bled just a little after and I'm not exaggerating when I say it was thicker than a coke can. I actually had to let it sit in the toilet to break up some b/c it was too thick to fit through the pipes and clogged the toilet. So keep that in mind if you also have a HUGE thick poo. And it will probably happen at least 2 or 3 more times so be prepared for it and as others have said, take that stool softener religiously.

And for a c-section, I know you always read it but it is VERY important to get up and move as soon as you can afterwards. I didn't and paid for it with a very difficult long recovery. It's so important to start moving around b/c it helps with healing. Oh it's going to hurt and you'll probably need help sitting down and getting up but it's worth it. And don't try to be some hero and skip your pain meds. They're your friend during recovery!

The fundal massages as someone mentioned HURT LIKE HELL. You're going to want to punch the nurse out for doing it but it's a necessary evil. Just be prepared and moan, breath through it as best as you can. And yes, they still do it after a c-sec.

Take those mesh panties home and get more if you can!

Get a water proof mattress cover. You might leak a lot after. So a mattress cover will help to make clean up easier.

As a PP said, clots can be normal with the bleeding after. I had some scary size ones come out after.

Don't expect to sleep much while you're still in the hospital, especially with a c-section. Being hooked up to everything, having nurses checking on you and baby all the dang time. It sucks and you'll be counting down the seconds until you can go home.

Hormones after birth are pretty crazy so expect to be a weepy emotional mess afterwards.

Make lots of pre-prepared frozen meals that you can just heat up, stick in the oven or crock pot. You're not going to want to do anything for a while... especially cook and clean. Also buy some paper plates, cups, plastic forks/spoons so you don't have to worry about dishes piling up either.

Your PP belly is going to be SUPER jiggly and soft. It's pretty funny/weird... or at least I found it that way lol.
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby camronsmommy » Wed Nov 19, 2014 8:21 pm

Love this thread :) definitely following!

And Lisa, thank you for the specifics on c-sec. I'm scheduled for one mid February and I have no idea what to expect since my first was emergency c-section with a recovery that's still a blur (6 years ago)
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby Lisa79 » Thu Nov 20, 2014 7:16 am

Oh I have a suggestion....
Tell people to NOT buy you any kind of plant as a gift after you give birth... at least not for a while. Save it for a couple of months after baby arrive.
My MiL and my mom bought us some plants while we were still in the hospital. They were pretty and I loved the sentiment, but they were just extra crap to load up once we left and on a long list of things I neglected to take care of in those first weeks/months.

If people want to get you something... something that's not alive and needs taking care of would be best... and wait until you're home to give it to you so you don't have extra junk to carry home from the hospital.
Lisa: 36 DH: 37
#1 took 3 years, 4 chemicals and lots of heartache to get, but our little Zoe was born 8/8/12
#2 took a little more than a year, random irregular cycles, Oren born 3/9/15
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby B Michaelson » Fri Nov 21, 2014 5:27 am

Great info Lisa!

So about the pooping....is it hard because of the pain meds? I had a tough time after my lap and if I end up with a cs I will not skip my stool softeners lol. Do I need to take softeners if I have a natural birth too?
Me - 36
Hashimotos, JHS/EDS, ANA negative, 1 Fallopian tube
DH - 41
TTC #1 Aug 2012 - May 2014
DS - Born Jan 2015
TTC #2 since Aug 2016
May 2017 :bfp:

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2004 - 7.5 weeks
Oct 2013 - 6w6d ruptured ectopic
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby 80's Baby » Fri Nov 21, 2014 7:17 am

It's hard with either. With the cs, it's a little because of meds, and it's painful because the incision hurts with straining. With a vaginal birth, it hurts because during labor, the baby's head and body essentially smash your lower bowel upon exit. That's why some moms poo on the delivery table. (I'm one.) The baby, while descending, pushes on your colon like a tube of toothpaste. Gross, yes. lol Anything in your bowel that was behind the baby becomes hard and impacted.
Either way, colace is your friend. It used to be common practice to give an enema to mothers before active labor for these reasons. It wasn't offered to me in either birth, but you can bet I'll be doing one at home this time. Lesson learned. ;)
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby tryingnumber3 » Fri Nov 21, 2014 9:14 am

Hard poop or just painful is almost a guarantee with any birth. I have only had vaginal births, and think about it. Your rectum and vagina are so close. You can actually feel yours from the lower walls of your vagina. Just drink plenty of water and take a stool softener for a few days. Eat lots of fiber too, but make sure to drink enough water with that or you'll regret it like I did.
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Re: What nobody told me when I was a 1st time mom

Postby 1daysoon » Tue Dec 02, 2014 7:00 pm

I have a question for you ladies that have breastfed from the start at the hospital...did u stay with your babies all night? Did they wake up often to feed since you don't have much milk at first? With dd I tried a few times to breastfeed in the hospital but I had no clue what I was doing or if she was even getting anything. ..I was way younger and nurses said best to formula feed and sleep while I can it wasnt until she was a few weeks old and my milk came in that I gave up with formula due to the great projectile vomiting all over my bed in the middle of the night and I decided to not pump and just stick with it...not to sure what to expect this time that I don't want to formula feed at all
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