When to tell my BFF?

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When to tell my BFF?

Postby DandNBaby » Wed May 20, 2015 2:33 am

So me and DH finally concieved aftar a year and a half of TTCing (with PCOS).
My BFF (Who's a mother herself) supported me through this whole journey, but now my DH wants to keep it a secret from everyone including her too, till the end of the first trimester.
But I want to tell her like... right now. She was so supportive of me through this tough time. Plus, she always knows when I'm supposed to test, and I was suppose to get my bloodwork done at 14dpo tomorrow. (lucky for me, I got the BFP at 11dpo) so she would be asking about it tomorrow.
I want to respect DH's wish and I understand where he's coming from! but I want to tell so bad, don't I deserve to get super excited with my friend after this dificult journey?
Another thing, DH doesn't want to tell anyone because he's afraid of miscarrying, but the way I see it, if that was to happen (Oh god, please no!!) I would like my friend to know and comfort me so it doesn't really matter if she knew now.

Is that the time for me to be a good wife, and hold back for my husband? or should I try to ask him one more time? (I understand how upseting it may be when someone insist on doing something you're afraid of)
Any advice is welcomed :)
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Re: When to tell my BFF?

Postby justxher » Wed May 20, 2015 4:10 am

That's a tough one, especially considering she knows about the process and will be asking about it! I don't think I could lie in that situation, especially not to a friend that was really supportive and involved throughout the whole process. If I were you I would talk to DH one more time and maybe explain that you don't think it would be right to lie to her after how great she has been this whole time, and also say that you would especially need her support if you were to miscarry. Maybe you guys can agree that you will only tell her and no one else (no family or anything) until after 12 weeks? And honestly, keeping it a secret is soooooo hard, I don't know how I would have survived without telling some of my closets friends and being able to talk about it, it's such an exciting time! Good luck
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DS1: :angel: Baby Jase born 06/30/15, premature at 18w2d

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Re: When to tell my BFF?

Postby amlobo » Wed May 20, 2015 9:00 pm

When I got pregnant last year, I didn't tell many friends... but ended up miscarrying. I then told them about the miscarriage because I wanted the support (and knew many of them had endured miscarriages themselves). And, honestly, it was something in my life that I wanted them to know about. So, the second time around, DH and I decided to tell people we are close to earlier... with our reasoning being that we wanted to tell whoever we'd want to know about a miscarriage. It was actually really nice to have people to talk to earlier on this time, so I'd maybe try to work something out with DH.
Me (Amanda): 31
DH: 32

July 2014: Missed M/C at 11 weeks, measured 7w4d
January 2015: BFP at 9dpo, EDD 9/19/15

DS born via c-section 9/20/15 - 8lb 9oz, 21 inches :)
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Re: When to tell my BFF?

Postby FrostedFuji » Fri May 22, 2015 4:50 pm

I told the people I needed to tell. H was kind of on the fence about it; he even wanted to wait to tell our families until we were past the 12 week mark, but I pointed out that there may be pregnancy health issues neither of us knows about and my next appointment is well before the 12 week point.

I let him know when we started NTNP that I would be telling my BFF as soon as I saw a positive stick. For me, that was a no-brainer. I was very, very selective in who I shared the news with in case of a miscarriage; specifically, I wanted to share with the people I knew would support me in the event I miscarried, because I feel very strongly about the importance of having a support system outside of just H. He rolled his eyes a bit, but he was generally okay with it. Then over the next few weeks there were people we COULDN'T keep it from, such as H's coworker who guessed it when he stayed home with me one morning when I was sick, and my advisor at school when I had to ask if I could sit down for my master's thesis defense because I had been having dizzy spells.

If I were in your shoes, I would sit H down and ask him why specifically he wants to wait until 12 weeks to tell anyone. As I mentioned before, there is medical history you will need to share with your OB/midwife, and it can be hard to do that if you haven't told your family yet. And, like I also said, I believe in the need to have a support system other than just H. And I would at least explain the short list of people you would like to tell before 12 weeks, and why: your BFF, your parents, siblings, etc. to reassure him that you're not planning to broadcast the news to anyone and everyone, just those select few people, and for specific reasons.

Good luck :)
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Willow Del, born at 37,5 on 12/8/15
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