Anyone leaving their job soon to stay at home?

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Re: Anyone leaving their job soon to stay at home?

Postby skye skye » Wed Jul 15, 2015 10:31 am

Yeah - I agree Kat. I wish there were more part time options. Hmm, now that' a thought - maybe I could do that. Didn't think about the possibility of part time! The thing is I actually like my job - it's low stress & they are SOO good about being flexible with time off and such. They don't give me a hard time when I need off or anything - I just really hate to give that up. I mean I don't make a lot of money at said job...but it's something.
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:bfp: 1-18-15 EDD: 9-20-15
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:bfp: 7-8-15 EDD: 3-13-16
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Re: Anyone leaving their job soon to stay at home?

Postby jeepgirl88 » Wed Jul 15, 2015 10:39 am

Skye, I have had the same thoughts as you about not working. DH has even told me that taking care of the home/children IS working and he's said 'what's mine is yours' in terms of money. I know we are married and a team, but I always hate asking him for money if I'm stuck paying for something. So especially if its something like clothes or a pedicure its nice to be able to pay for those things myself. I'm glad that I'll be able to collect EI for a year, which won't be much, it'll pretty much cover my jeep payment and that's it, but it's better than nothing. I plan to just kind of play it by ear and if I'm not happy being a SAHM and want a little extra money, I'll look for a part time job sooner. My MIL lives close by at least and can help babysit.
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Re: Anyone leaving their job soon to stay at home?

Postby skye skye » Wed Jul 15, 2015 10:51 am

Yeah Jeep Girl...that's it exactly. I just hate asking DH to pay and stuff. We just actually got married 7 months ago, and got BFP literally not even a month after our wedding, so the first part of us being married was dealing with pregnancy and then the mc it turned into. Needless to say with all that going on, we just haven't made "the merger" yet and combined all our finances/accounts. We have had set up for years the way we pay bills - he pays this I pay that kind of thing, with each of us paying for our own bills (ie: car payment, cell bill, etc) seperately. That being said - it's going to be an even BIGGER transition for me to be not only going from having an income to not...but also going from having my own seperate accounts to everything being joined. Talk about overwhelming. I mean we both know it needs to happen and agree we need to do it...it's just finding the time to actually do it. We both also have had troubled pasts when it comes to shared accounts with exes -and lets just say it has scarred us in terms of learning to trust again. We've gotten over the initial fears of course (being together over 6 years now) - but those "what if's" are just permanently in the back of our minds. The one thing that I fear when it comes to the whole SAHM thing is the health insurance. My insurance I have now through my job is decent - we have no clue entirely what DH's insurance is like through his employer - basically because he's only been there since March & wasn't eligible until just recently. I'm scared that the insurance will be a disaster through his employer (because just about everything else is...I'm talking he's not eligible for vacation time until he's been there A YEAR :mad: ) DH's parents are divorced and his dad & step mom live very close - his step mom is retired so she's home all day and LOVES babies. I know we have a sitter if ever needed...but his family ain't the most, err....normal? LOL...not sure I'd want our kid around the in-laws all the time...HAHA...not that my family is any better. Let's just face it, family is crazy. :wink: :roll:
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:bfp: 1-18-15 EDD: 9-20-15
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Re: Anyone leaving their job soon to stay at home?

Postby Sumia » Wed Jul 15, 2015 7:53 pm

Aw don't feel to terrible for not combining fiances. My DH and I have been married since 2013 and we just opened a bank account together like a couple months ago. The only reason we did is because he got this new job (which is why I can be a SAHM since he will be making what we both are now) and his first 4 months are training. It's a vary military style training, so no phones till hes off the clock, no tv's, no computers things like this. And he is going to be living at the training facility. So his checks will be direct deposited into the account so I can make sure his bills get paid and on time. LOL otherwise we probably would still have separate fiances. As long as I put money in his account for some fun stuff while hes training, he doesn't really care what I do with the rest after the bills are paid lol. So I guess thats nice about him. I know a lot of people are pretty possessive with money and want to know where every penny is and stingy when giving it out so I am very thankful he isn't like that.
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Re: Anyone leaving their job soon to stay at home?

Postby Artemis » Thu Jul 16, 2015 6:03 am

Don't feel bad about combining finances ladies! It's the way marriage is, you are a team :) my husband and I actually combined finances when we got engaged. It was an adjustment for me, not him really. I was used to being so independent, on my own since 18 working 2-3 jobs at a time. My husband wanted to take care of me and that was hard to get used to, but sure enough it works! To go from working 2 full full jobs to working only ONE PARTTIME job was weird, but now after 3 years of this it's like it's been this way forever. We're both happy about it ;)
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BFP April '15
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Re: Anyone leaving their job soon to stay at home?

Postby skye skye » Thu Jul 16, 2015 6:28 am

Sumia - Well that makes me feel better that I'm not alone! Yeah you got lucky with your DH that he's not possessive with money. I don't want to say my DH is possessive, because he's really giving most of the time. BUT - there are moments where he can be quite stingy as well...and I really despise that whole characteristic. I think a lot has to do with the fact the he was an only child for almost his whole childhood (his dad & step mom adopted his sister when he was 16), and then also the fact that his ex literally cleaned out their joint accounts (along with their entire house) when she left him. Granted that was back like 9-10 years ago, but the whole paranoia of that has just stayed in the back of his mind permanently. If I ever saw that girl I'd probably knock her one - and then an extra one just for good measure. HA :mad: :rofl:

Aretemis - Yeah that is part of it too - we have both been SOO independent for so long, it's just hard to transition. I think we both have this thought that once things are combined that the other will scrutinize what the other is spending on and such. Probably a stupid thought. I actually wanted DH and I to combine our finances a long time ago -or like you and your DH did: when you got engaged. My DH and I have been together now over SIX years and it's not been done...UGH. Girl - you are SOO lucky that your DH has that mentality of wanting to take care of you & not expecting you to work!! I'm jealous! Not to say my DH isn't like that - but he grew up with both his parents working & him going to daycare very young...then when they divorced, they still both worked (as did both the new step parents), so he's kind of got that image stuck in his head - that BOTH should work. BUT another thing is that DH's job is 100% commission, so it'd be going out on a limb to have him be the only one working. I wish we could get to that point - maybe once we have a baby and he sees how much work that is DH will be more willing to explore that as an option. I mean I only want to be a SAHM for max 6 years. By the way-you look amazing! I wish I had gotten as in shape as you before I got my BFP.lol
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Married 12-13-14
:bfp: 7-9-14 natural mc @ 5wks6d 7-19-14
:bfp: 1-18-15 EDD: 9-20-15
1st u/s 1-27-15: baby measuring 6wks2d :hb: 102bpm!!!
2nd u/s 2-17-15: No :hb:, baby stopped developing at 7.5 weeks-MMC - D&C 3/9/15
:bfp: 7-8-15 EDD: 3-13-16
beta#1 @ 23dpo=6720
beta#2 @ 25dpo=10521
u/s @ 6w1d :hb: 114!!!
u/s @ 8w3d :hb: 168!!!
u/s @ 12w4d NT scan great! :hb: 165!!!
u/s @ 14w6d TEAM GRAY!! (Ie: team blue sucks)
u/s @ 19w5d HEALTHY baby! :hb: 140
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Re: Anyone leaving their job soon to stay at home?

Postby Sumia » Thu Jul 16, 2015 3:34 pm

haha YES Skye! My DH was previously married too and she use to go to the mall with the rent money when they had combined fiances and she would spend the rent money. At the time he was in the military so he had no idea until she wanted to move to base because she was like 3 months behind in rent. He had to take a loan out to cover it. His credit is all screwed up because she did a lot with his credit to go to the mall. So he was very paranoid at first. It worked nicely though because I put him on my cell plan and his car is in my name technically because his credit was so bad. So since I guess I put myself out there for him and his phone hasnt ever turned off, he decided to trust me with it lol. I tell you though if I ever see her, shes going to regret running into me ;)
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Re: Anyone leaving their job soon to stay at home?

Postby jeepgirl88 » Fri Jul 17, 2015 6:09 am

We haven't combined bank accounts yet either. We've been married almost 2 years, and we've talked about having a joint account before, we've just never actually done it. I don't make very much, so DH already covers almost all of the expenses. I pay for my own car payment, insurance, and gas, and that's about it. I had my own business for a few years and I made more then, so I'd just send DH some money every month if I had extra to contribute towards bills etc.

I think the main reason I've never pushed for a joint account is because we are both with different banks, I've been with mine my whole life and I really like my bank. When we first moved here and I realized there wasn't a branch close by for my bank I did open an account with his bank, and I wasn't happy with them. They always held my cheques because I hadn't been a client long enough. So finally I just said to hell with them and stayed with my old bank, even though the branch is 30 min away.

I do have a copy of DH's credit card that I use for groceries and sometimes other household expenses, but a joint account would be better because then we can both see how much money is in it. I can't check or pay his credit card, and a few times now he's gone over the limit because we've both been charging on it and he never realized. I'm sure we'll find some way to work it all out though.
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Re: Anyone leaving their job soon to stay at home?

Postby skye skye » Fri Jul 17, 2015 7:44 am

Girls you all make me feel SO much better that we haven't combined finances! I just feel like it's the social norm for people our parents and grandparents ages - I feel like our family is looking at us like "wtf"...glad to see maybe this whole seperate account thing may just be the norm for our age group! :wink:

Sumia - EEK, yeah that is similar to what my DH's ex did to him too. Well - what she did exactly was put a bunch of stuff in his name right before she left him and told him that she would pay on it. NOPE, she just high-tailed it and left him stuck with HER student loans. And then to top it all off, she cleared out their joint account - AND took every last item in the house they lived in together. Apparently she had been cheating and was planning on leaving DH for a while - she even let her new boyfriend rifle through my DH's clothes and take what he wanted, he later found that out. What a hag!!! Yeah she better hope I never see her either. Stupid wench. :mad: See my DH was so paranoid after all that - that his response was to become uber independent. He didn't want any bills in anyone else's name or anything. I tried to add him to my phone bill - he insisted he keep his own. We're slowly working at it, but it's difficult to get past something like that. He has actually given me a copy of his credit card to use - I put it in our safe...DON'T even use it! I think now he's starting to see he can trust me.lol

Jeep Girl - Yeah that is kind of how DH and I are too. I don't make that much - so he pays a larger portion of the bills. I give him a little toward rent, and then the only other thing I pay for is groceries -and of course my car insurance and gas and stuff. I just paid my car off last month - WHOO HOO! Only took 5 freakin years.lol :doh: I think that is the hardest part of not having shared accounts though - the fact that you can't go and do business in your DH's accounts. My DH works 60+ hours a week, so when we were having issues with his Macy's account I tried to handle it for him since he didn't have time. He was fine with it, but the dang card company gave us SUCH a hard time about it. He literally had to get on the phone EVERY time I called to tell them it was okay. I hope one day we can just combine everything and be done with it.

What has been the obstacle with you ladies combining finances with your DH's? For my DH and I there's been the whole finding time to do it - but then also we have somewhat disagreed on how to go about it...or more so disagreed on who should shut their account and who should move everything to the other's account. DH says I should move to his account - I say he should move to mine. BIG disagreement. UGH. :doh: Have you ladies had the same issue?
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Married 12-13-14
:bfp: 7-9-14 natural mc @ 5wks6d 7-19-14
:bfp: 1-18-15 EDD: 9-20-15
1st u/s 1-27-15: baby measuring 6wks2d :hb: 102bpm!!!
2nd u/s 2-17-15: No :hb:, baby stopped developing at 7.5 weeks-MMC - D&C 3/9/15
:bfp: 7-8-15 EDD: 3-13-16
beta#1 @ 23dpo=6720
beta#2 @ 25dpo=10521
u/s @ 6w1d :hb: 114!!!
u/s @ 8w3d :hb: 168!!!
u/s @ 12w4d NT scan great! :hb: 165!!!
u/s @ 14w6d TEAM GRAY!! (Ie: team blue sucks)
u/s @ 19w5d HEALTHY baby! :hb: 140
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Re: Anyone leaving their job soon to stay at home?

Postby mw76777 » Fri Jul 17, 2015 9:08 am

We haven't been married long at all and we're only going to combine them when I stop working! I used to feel guilty at the thought of having my husband pay for everything but he WANTS that responsibility and enjoys it so, i'm gonna let him and enjoy it too! :D
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Re: Anyone leaving their job soon to stay at home?

Postby jeepgirl88 » Fri Jul 17, 2015 11:42 am

Skye, I could see us having that issue too. As I mentioned, we both deal with different banks, and I really like mine (I've had the account since I was a baby) so I wouldn't want to close it. I imagine he'll just make his a joint account or we'll open another one together.

All of this will be an adjustment and I stress out all the time thinking we won't be able to afford everything with all the extra expenses of having a child. Or that we'll be able to afford bills and necessities but nothing else EVER. Things might be tight for a few years, but hopefully if DH keeps moving up the military career ladder and if I go back to work once our kids are older we'll have more money for things like vacations later on. We also still have 2 more years until our jeeps are paid off, so once we don't have payments on those anymore that will help a lot.

DH just got promoted too so while it's not a huge pay increase it's better than nothing. It does mean he'll likely be away a lot more for work again though, so not only will I be a SAHM but at times I'll be like a single Mom. It terrifies me in a way if he has to leave when we have a newborn, but thankfully his Mom lives closeby and my Mom plans to come visit too so I'll have them both to help. It's all exciting but scary at the same time!
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Re: Anyone leaving their job soon to stay at home?

Postby skye skye » Fri Jul 17, 2015 11:50 am

Oh wow you've had it since you were a baby?! 8O Yeah I can see not wanting to close it then. Ironically DH and I both have accounts at the same bank. He always tries to say that since he's had his longer I should be the one to move everything. We still have separate phone accounts too - and that is his mindset with that too - I move to his because he's had his longer. The thing is...DH is 9 years older than me, he's had EVERYTHING longer than me. DUH :doh: Not really a valid argument in my book. haha Jeep I am the same way - I'm freaking out about affording everything, I'm hoping we'll be able to afford me being a SAHM, but I really have no clue. I don't make a lot, BUT I do contribute to the bills. We are about to buy a house too! AHH 8O :doh: Oh wow - yeah that will be hard to have DH gone like that, I'm not sure I would want to deal with that. I'm happy I met my hubby AFTER he got out of the military...I'd have been a wreck while he was deployed in Iraq! (he came close to not coming home too so it would have been even worse). How far along are you Jeep Girl?
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Married 12-13-14
:bfp: 7-9-14 natural mc @ 5wks6d 7-19-14
:bfp: 1-18-15 EDD: 9-20-15
1st u/s 1-27-15: baby measuring 6wks2d :hb: 102bpm!!!
2nd u/s 2-17-15: No :hb:, baby stopped developing at 7.5 weeks-MMC - D&C 3/9/15
:bfp: 7-8-15 EDD: 3-13-16
beta#1 @ 23dpo=6720
beta#2 @ 25dpo=10521
u/s @ 6w1d :hb: 114!!!
u/s @ 8w3d :hb: 168!!!
u/s @ 12w4d NT scan great! :hb: 165!!!
u/s @ 14w6d TEAM GRAY!! (Ie: team blue sucks)
u/s @ 19w5d HEALTHY baby! :hb: 140
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Re: Anyone leaving their job soon to stay at home?

Postby jeepgirl88 » Fri Jul 17, 2015 4:37 pm

I'm 11.5 weeks! I'm very anxious for our Dr.'s appt next week, just hoping to hear the heartbeat and have some re-assurance that everything is still going well. I suffer from anxiety so its been hard but I keep reminding myself that I'm almost in the second trimester and while I know that doesn't mean nothing can ever go wrong, I know that the chances are much lower. We had an early u/s at 6.5 weeks and saw the heartbeat then, but that feels like it was sooo long ago and I know that things can still go wrong after that. I've also had next to no symptoms so it's been really tough when I don't feel or look pregnant yet. But if everything goes well next week I think I'll finally be able to start enjoying being pregnant :)

I commented on your 5 week u/s post the other day and saw that you're in the March DDC. I also noticed your losses in your sig...I'm so sorry :( I truly hope this I your rainbow baby!!
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Re: Anyone leaving their job soon to stay at home?

Postby Artemis » Sat Jul 18, 2015 8:46 am

Skye- Indepent girls wil have a tough time adjusting lol! I guess I should have mentioned that my husband and his family (parents & sister) all own and operate a pretty decent size farm. It's the bread winner. We have over 1500 acres of crops, 3 herds of cattle (about 150-200 head per herd), we bail & sell straw, and also have a small business on the side (hubs and I) raising and selling nongmo fed piggies in the barn behind our house. So while I may only have a "job" part time instructing fitness classes/personal training, I'm also helping a lot every day on the farm feeding the livestock. We are very blessed to have a way of life that provides us more than enough $$ to support not just our family, but his sister and her 2 little ones, and his parents. It's a modest living, we don't get to go on vacations every year (couldn't even if we could afford it due to our little animals!!) but we have more than enough to pay the bills, put food on the table, and go play now and then!
Me: 27 DH: 26
Married Dec '13

OUR FIRST BABY

BFP April '15
EDD: New Years Eve

WATER BROKE 12/1/15 @35+5 weeks. Trip was born via emergency c section after 12 hours of induced labor.

Born 12/1/15 at 7:45pm.
5lbs 13oz and 21 inches.
No NICU time. We are blessed!
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Re: Anyone leaving their job soon to stay at home?

Postby Pinkpuma » Mon Jul 20, 2015 3:40 am

I left work to stay at home with my son (he's now 14 months) I also stayed at home til my girls started school. I don't regret a thing, I enjoyed every minute of being with them... well I say every minute, there may have been the odd time when I was knee deep in poo haha) :D I'm 21 weeks with my fourth and last and am fortunate enough to be able to afford to stay at home til she and her brother start school. Enjoy your time at home as they grow up in a flash.... trust me, you'll look back and have no regrets :)
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