Gender disappointment anyone??

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Re: Gender disappointment anyone??

Postby skye skye » Mon Sep 28, 2015 11:01 am

Thanks for all the positive thoughts girls. I think I'm adjusting to the idea a little better than I was when I originally posted this. I'm not all boys & blue stuff...but I'm not as emotional and angry about the situation either. I'm hoping to do a gender neutral shower -and DH and I have decided that we will keep the gender from everyone until birth. (side note: DH still doesn't know gender, he will find out at my 20 week scan in a few weeks).

Thanks again ladies - and for making me not feel like a horrible person! :roll:
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Married 12-13-14
:bfp: 7-9-14 natural mc @ 5wks6d 7-19-14
:bfp: 1-18-15 EDD: 9-20-15
1st u/s 1-27-15: baby measuring 6wks2d :hb: 102bpm!!!
2nd u/s 2-17-15: No :hb:, baby stopped developing at 7.5 weeks-MMC - D&C 3/9/15
:bfp: 7-8-15 EDD: 3-13-16
beta#1 @ 23dpo=6720
beta#2 @ 25dpo=10521
u/s @ 6w1d :hb: 114!!!
u/s @ 8w3d :hb: 168!!!
u/s @ 12w4d NT scan great! :hb: 165!!!
u/s @ 14w6d TEAM GRAY!! (Ie: team blue sucks)
u/s @ 19w5d HEALTHY baby! :hb: 140
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Re: Gender disappointment anyone??

Postby valerie0187 » Tue Sep 29, 2015 8:05 pm

Of course, that is what we are here for and what this forum is for...support :)
Me: 30
First appointment with RE on November 2013
BFP on April 11, 2015
EDD December 21, 2015
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1st app with u/s - 5/4/15 - bpm 133 :hb:, 6w6d
4th app with u/s - 7/17/15 - Expecting a baby girl!
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Re: Gender disappointment anyone??

Postby justxher » Thu Oct 08, 2015 10:46 am

hey, I am a bit late to this conversation but I wanted to tell you that I know how you feel and that I think it's very normal. I have a pretty strong desire to only have boys and honestly don't know what I'd do if I ever ended up with a girl (we are not pregnant now just ttc). I can't even picture it and I feel like the parenting experience won't be as exciting or enjoyable and even though I would love the baby to pieces I would still definitely feel robbed of my dream of having a boy. I realized I felt this way when we found out our first was a boy and I just felt the BIGGEST relief ever, I didn't even realize up until that point how much I wanted a boy over a girl. We have gone so far as to even research IVF/PGD to choose the gender in case we get to our last baby and don't want to risk it (crazy, I know).

If you haven't already, I suggest you check out the ingender.com's gender disappointment board, the ladies there are great and very understanding. A lot of them say that once you hold your baby in your arms all of the disappointment goes away. Or some even say they didn't realize how much fun it would be to have a boy until they had theirs. Hopefully this happens for you :)
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DS1: :angel: Baby Jase born 06/30/15, premature at 18w2d

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Re: Gender disappointment anyone??

Postby skye skye » Fri Oct 09, 2015 6:13 am

Thanks Just - I appreciate the nice thoughts!
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Married 12-13-14
:bfp: 7-9-14 natural mc @ 5wks6d 7-19-14
:bfp: 1-18-15 EDD: 9-20-15
1st u/s 1-27-15: baby measuring 6wks2d :hb: 102bpm!!!
2nd u/s 2-17-15: No :hb:, baby stopped developing at 7.5 weeks-MMC - D&C 3/9/15
:bfp: 7-8-15 EDD: 3-13-16
beta#1 @ 23dpo=6720
beta#2 @ 25dpo=10521
u/s @ 6w1d :hb: 114!!!
u/s @ 8w3d :hb: 168!!!
u/s @ 12w4d NT scan great! :hb: 165!!!
u/s @ 14w6d TEAM GRAY!! (Ie: team blue sucks)
u/s @ 19w5d HEALTHY baby! :hb: 140
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Re: Gender disappointment anyone??

Postby amlobo » Sun Oct 11, 2015 8:43 am

Sorry you're feeling down over this Skye :( It's hard enough to feel disappointed, then to feel like people are judging you for it is worse on top of it. I was the opposite of you - I really didn't want a girl. I think I didn't realize how much I wanted a boy until I was told it WAS a boy. I just felt so much relief, so I am sure I would have felt disappointment if it had been a girl at my scan. You don't need to feel bad for feeling how you do. Allow yourself time to grieve the loss of the daughter you wanted, and eventually you will come to love the son that's on his way. It may take you longer than others, but you will get there!

I think a lot of us wrestle with our babies not being exactly what we expected, and that's normal! When my son was born 3 weeks ago, he didn't look anything like I had imagined (looks nothing like me at all), and I just felt a bit disconnected from him because he didn't match what I had pictured in my head. 3 weeks later, and I'm finally starting to feel like this is my child instead of some little alien demanding my time, body, and attention. Not the same thing, but I too struggled with feeling like something was wrong with me or people would judge me for not feeling that instant connection to my child.

Oh, and to add - I wanted a boy but am not a huge fan of super-boy stuff either. I did end up getting a few outfits with sports or trucks on them, and I'm dealing with it, ha.

And, let me prepare you - seeing your hubby holding his little look-a-like son will explode your heart!!!
Me (Amanda): 31
DH: 32

July 2014: Missed M/C at 11 weeks, measured 7w4d
January 2015: BFP at 9dpo, EDD 9/19/15

DS born via c-section 9/20/15 - 8lb 9oz, 21 inches :)
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Re: Gender disappointment anyone??

Postby skye skye » Wed Oct 14, 2015 8:13 am

Thanks for the post Amanda - I'm so happy for you and your new baby! We were only one day off in DD's with my last pregnancy (the mc earlier this year)...hard to think that I'd have a newborn right now if that had worked out! 8O Glad things have turned around though and we are able to have another shot at this. Yeah - it is quite hard when things don't go as you have pictured - I think that is the hardest part of it all. Having to wrap your head around a completely new reality of what is. So does your son look more like your husband than you? You said he doesn't look like you at all? Glad to know that I'm not the only one who's not a fan of the super boy stuff! Yeah - I'm sure seeing DH hold baby for the first time will be amazing. :mrgreen: (but I still hope my baby looks like me!!) hehe :wink:
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Married 12-13-14
:bfp: 7-9-14 natural mc @ 5wks6d 7-19-14
:bfp: 1-18-15 EDD: 9-20-15
1st u/s 1-27-15: baby measuring 6wks2d :hb: 102bpm!!!
2nd u/s 2-17-15: No :hb:, baby stopped developing at 7.5 weeks-MMC - D&C 3/9/15
:bfp: 7-8-15 EDD: 3-13-16
beta#1 @ 23dpo=6720
beta#2 @ 25dpo=10521
u/s @ 6w1d :hb: 114!!!
u/s @ 8w3d :hb: 168!!!
u/s @ 12w4d NT scan great! :hb: 165!!!
u/s @ 14w6d TEAM GRAY!! (Ie: team blue sucks)
u/s @ 19w5d HEALTHY baby! :hb: 140
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Re: Gender disappointment anyone??

Postby amlobo » Sat Oct 17, 2015 1:02 pm

Yeah, I had 2 friends who were pregnant at the same time as me with my miscarriage, so when they had their babies, it was so surreal for me to think I'd have had a newborn, too. I ended up being about 8 weeks pregnant when my original due date came around, and I must say it was nice to be pregnant again when my due date came around.

Yeah, my son looks nothing like me! He does look like my dad, so I guess that's technically "me" lol. He definitely looks a lot like DH, though. I'd say he's half DH and half my dad. I really thought he'd look a bit like me since I have dark features all-around, but he is super fair all around like DH. Crazy. We looked at my baby picture, and our noses look the same, but that's about it. It's just so strange to have a baby that you can't see any of yourself in!
Me (Amanda): 31
DH: 32

July 2014: Missed M/C at 11 weeks, measured 7w4d
January 2015: BFP at 9dpo, EDD 9/19/15

DS born via c-section 9/20/15 - 8lb 9oz, 21 inches :)
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Re: Gender disappointment anyone??

Postby skye skye » Mon Oct 19, 2015 6:42 am

Yeah I know what you mean about the surrealness of it all. I watched all you ladies from the September DDC have your babies thinking "man that could have been ME too". I was 15 weeks on my DD from this last miscarriage - and my DD this pregnancy is only 2 days off from our first loss last year. (crazy!!)

Maybe as your son gets older he'll start to take on some of your features? One of my good friends and his wife just had a baby back in August, his wife is super fair skinned and blonde hair, my friend is Latino...yet their son is fair skinned just like the mom. So weird how that works out! One of my best friends has two boys with her husband, she is a white girl, but tan for being white - her husband is Latino...her oldest boy is a splitting image of her husband, I mean to the point that they call him a "mini me" of her husband. Her youngest boy also has the darker features of her husband - so both her boys barely look anything like her at all. It's crazy how genetics works! I hope that my baby looks like me too - the one thing I KNOW for fact already is that our baby will have blue eyes since both DH and I have them. We are also both fair skinned, so that's probably a given too. We both were really blonde when we were little too - so we're thinking this baby will also be a blondie. I'm just hoping for a CUTE baby...I know people say that all babies are cute, but yeah, we all know that's NOT always the case.lol I've always been paranoid that my kid would be ugly or the "fat kid" or something....ya know? (every mom's nightmare) LOL
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Married 12-13-14
:bfp: 7-9-14 natural mc @ 5wks6d 7-19-14
:bfp: 1-18-15 EDD: 9-20-15
1st u/s 1-27-15: baby measuring 6wks2d :hb: 102bpm!!!
2nd u/s 2-17-15: No :hb:, baby stopped developing at 7.5 weeks-MMC - D&C 3/9/15
:bfp: 7-8-15 EDD: 3-13-16
beta#1 @ 23dpo=6720
beta#2 @ 25dpo=10521
u/s @ 6w1d :hb: 114!!!
u/s @ 8w3d :hb: 168!!!
u/s @ 12w4d NT scan great! :hb: 165!!!
u/s @ 14w6d TEAM GRAY!! (Ie: team blue sucks)
u/s @ 19w5d HEALTHY baby! :hb: 140
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Re: Gender disappointment anyone??

Postby HighlandGamesGirlCO » Mon Nov 16, 2015 9:52 am

Just wanted to say - you and your DH having blue eyes in no way guarantees your kids will! One of my good friends has 6 kids, she and her DH are both blue eyed and lighter haired. ONE of their kids has blue eyes, and he has dark hair. The other kids...one is a redhead with hazel eyes, one has light brown hair and dark brown eyes...etc etc. Genetics are interesting! Be ready for just about anything ;)
Me (Lindsey) - 38
DH/love of my life - 44

"We are all atheists regarding most of the gods that societies have ever believed in. Some of us just go one god further." - Richard Dawkins

Fiona Jayne born 12/21/2015 - our solstice baby! 7lb 5.5oz 19.75"

It's a BOY! EDD Feb 16, 2017
Repeat c-section scheduled, Ciaran Reeves will arrive Feb 13, 2017!

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Re: Gender disappointment anyone??

Postby skye skye » Mon Nov 16, 2015 1:24 pm

I thought that blue eyed parents could only have blue eyed children?? At least that is what I remember of the punnitt (sp?) squares from school. I know if there is a recessive trait mixed in there's the possibility of that trait - but brown eyes is a dominant trait...not sure how two blue eyed parents could have a brown eyed child? I'm going to have to research that!! Crazy! Both my parents& grandparents on both sides have blue eyes. DH's parents and one set of grandparents have blue eyes (his mom was adopted, so her parents don't really "count" genetically). I just assumed with that line of blue eyes it was a given. Thanks for insight - I'll have to do some research. Personally I think it'd be awesome if he had green eyes - those are rare. :wink:

Yeah one of my good friends, she's blonde/blue eyes. Her husband is half Japanese, very Asian looking, dark hair/brown eyes. Two of their children together have blue eyes/blonde hair (like her) - their youngest is a red hed with green eyes 8O 8O Apparently her DH's mother is Irish (dad is Japanese)...so that's where the red hair and green eyes came from. So crazy! Guess you're right. :wink:

In the end as long as he's got all its fingers and toes and is healthy he could have purple eyes and we wouldn't care. LOL :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
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Married 12-13-14
:bfp: 7-9-14 natural mc @ 5wks6d 7-19-14
:bfp: 1-18-15 EDD: 9-20-15
1st u/s 1-27-15: baby measuring 6wks2d :hb: 102bpm!!!
2nd u/s 2-17-15: No :hb:, baby stopped developing at 7.5 weeks-MMC - D&C 3/9/15
:bfp: 7-8-15 EDD: 3-13-16
beta#1 @ 23dpo=6720
beta#2 @ 25dpo=10521
u/s @ 6w1d :hb: 114!!!
u/s @ 8w3d :hb: 168!!!
u/s @ 12w4d NT scan great! :hb: 165!!!
u/s @ 14w6d TEAM GRAY!! (Ie: team blue sucks)
u/s @ 19w5d HEALTHY baby! :hb: 140
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Re: Gender disappointment anyone??

Postby SarahCHW » Mon Nov 16, 2015 1:58 pm

You're right about two blue eyed parents usually having blue eyed children, but the genetics you usually go through is a simplified version of eye color. There are actually multiple genes involved in determining eye color so the simple square you're taught isn't technically correct :). Just like when you learn the circulatory system and learn that deoxygenated blood is blue, all lies :P. It just makes it easier to demonstrate.

So long story short science is awesome and you could have brown eyed kids! Probably not purple, but how cool would that be :P
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Re: Gender disappointment anyone??

Postby skye skye » Wed Nov 18, 2015 7:13 am

That's so strange - I took quite a few pre-med courses in college and we went in depth about genetics and such. I really don't remember this! 8O AHH...so hoping our kid has blue eyes...that is why I was so selective in marrying. I would date ONLY men with blue eyes for this purpose...lol. :wink: Now you girls will have me on the edge of my seat the rest of the pregnancy...haha. And yes, Sarah purple would be AWESOME!
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Married 12-13-14
:bfp: 7-9-14 natural mc @ 5wks6d 7-19-14
:bfp: 1-18-15 EDD: 9-20-15
1st u/s 1-27-15: baby measuring 6wks2d :hb: 102bpm!!!
2nd u/s 2-17-15: No :hb:, baby stopped developing at 7.5 weeks-MMC - D&C 3/9/15
:bfp: 7-8-15 EDD: 3-13-16
beta#1 @ 23dpo=6720
beta#2 @ 25dpo=10521
u/s @ 6w1d :hb: 114!!!
u/s @ 8w3d :hb: 168!!!
u/s @ 12w4d NT scan great! :hb: 165!!!
u/s @ 14w6d TEAM GRAY!! (Ie: team blue sucks)
u/s @ 19w5d HEALTHY baby! :hb: 140
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Re: Gender disappointment anyone??

Postby HighlandGamesGirlCO » Thu Nov 19, 2015 5:56 pm

Natural violet eyes do exist, a la Liz Taylor...

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natural violet is amazing!
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Me (Lindsey) - 38
DH/love of my life - 44

"We are all atheists regarding most of the gods that societies have ever believed in. Some of us just go one god further." - Richard Dawkins

Fiona Jayne born 12/21/2015 - our solstice baby! 7lb 5.5oz 19.75"

It's a BOY! EDD Feb 16, 2017
Repeat c-section scheduled, Ciaran Reeves will arrive Feb 13, 2017!

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Re: Gender disappointment anyone??

Postby skye skye » Fri Nov 20, 2015 7:53 am

Highland - WOW...now that is amazing. So yeah - even if he has purple eyes we'd be happy! :wink: :wink: Now seeing that, purple is SO much cooler than green eyes!
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Married 12-13-14
:bfp: 7-9-14 natural mc @ 5wks6d 7-19-14
:bfp: 1-18-15 EDD: 9-20-15
1st u/s 1-27-15: baby measuring 6wks2d :hb: 102bpm!!!
2nd u/s 2-17-15: No :hb:, baby stopped developing at 7.5 weeks-MMC - D&C 3/9/15
:bfp: 7-8-15 EDD: 3-13-16
beta#1 @ 23dpo=6720
beta#2 @ 25dpo=10521
u/s @ 6w1d :hb: 114!!!
u/s @ 8w3d :hb: 168!!!
u/s @ 12w4d NT scan great! :hb: 165!!!
u/s @ 14w6d TEAM GRAY!! (Ie: team blue sucks)
u/s @ 19w5d HEALTHY baby! :hb: 140
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Re: Gender disappointment anyone??

Postby SarahCHW » Mon Nov 23, 2015 9:05 am

Now I want this kiddo to have violet eyes!!!! Ha, we're most likely looking at brown, because I've got brown eyes and hubby has hazel, but his dad has blue eyes and my brother has blue eyes, so we're all over the map :). Maybe that will all mix together for purple...
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