Depressed/Lonely

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Re: Depressed/Lonely

Postby skye skye » Tue Dec 22, 2015 1:06 pm

Yeli - that would be a good option, I hadn't thought of that! But I'm super happy that my aunt came through after all and said she will be hosting the shower. SOO THANKFUL!

I just need to vent about another topic - bear with me ladies! Okay - so my DH's dog has had seperation anxiety pretty much it's whole life that my DH has done little to work on or correct. I've dealt with it this whole time, it's just been more of an annoyance than anything. But now that the dog is getting older and is becoming blind, the anxiety has gotten out of control. Unless my DH is in the house the dog totally freaks out. That has been the case since forever - BUT now the symptoms of the anxiety have gotten much worse. The dog just used to whine for a few minutes after DH left the house and then would quiet down and lay down. Now with the blindness and advancing age the dog whines literally the ENTIRE TIME my DH is gone from the house. Over the past year (as the blindness has progressed) the dog has also been engaging in compulsive behaviors - repetitive pacing/walking in circles, digging the carpet, licking the floors, and now the past 2 months it's been peeing in the house almost daily (which the vet has said is a behavioral issue, after many tests there is NO reason medically it's peeing in our home). The dog's behavior has gotten so bad that it's starting to become detrimental to my health. I haven't been able to sleep normally in about 2 months due to the dog's incessant whining once DH leaves the house. DH leaves for work 1.5 hours earlier than I even get up to get ready for work. (he leaves at 6am I don't usually get up until 7:30). The lack of sleep is really starting to affect me - especially being pregnant...it's soo hard to deal with. Basically unless my DH is home, I can't sleep, the dog wakes me up with it's whining. It's a shame and sad...but something has to be done. We have taken the dog to the vet only to learn that it's all behavioral - there's absolutely NO medical reason for any of it (ie: disease, illness, etc). Basically the anxiety is now SO bad that the dog is literally just a walking basket case that can't function. The vet gave us some doggy prozac - and even drugging the dog hasn't helped much. The vet suggested that behavior training "may work" - but warned us that there is likely little that can be done to solve this issue, basically we just have to deal with it the best we can. Okay - so the problem is DH is very protective of his dog, and because so much of the dog's issues happen when DH is not home - DH doesn't get the full effect of what I'm going through. I've had to resort to making video recordings of the dog to show DH just what i deal with all the time, and even still, DH doesn't seem to be phased much by my constant complaints. Since the dog is now peeing in the house almost daily, DH is finally getting somewhat of a taste of what I've been going through for the past while..and now DH is starting to get frustrated and burned out too. Just last night we talked about my retired aunt possibly taking the dog - maybe her being home all day will be better for the dog and it's anxiety. That was pretty much our only option in terms of finding a solution. Well I talked to my aunt today - and she is willing to let the dog stay with her on a trial basis to see how things go - she wants us to drop the dog off this Saturday. :yay: :yay: Or so I thought...now my DH seems like he's back-peddling on the whole idea, coming up with excuses why we can't do it this weekend. :mad: :mad: :doh: :doh: I feel like I'm on the verge of a meltdown...I don't know what to do. There is nothing we have tried that has calmed the dog or worked to make things tolerable, and the dog is only going down hill more and more each day. The thought of having to put up with the dog like this - especially being pregnant is seriously depressing and overwhelming. Another thing too - if the dog is affecting ME this much, how is it's behavior going to affect a newborn?? I'm at the end of the rope with the situation - I feel like some days maybe it'd be better if I just go stay with family so I can escape the dog and it's issues...but at the same time I don't feel like I should have to leave my own home on account of a dog. I honestly feel that at this point the only reasonable options are to either give the dog to a new home OR to just have the dog put down. I know my DH would never agree to put the dog down over this - so really our only choice is giving the dog to another home. I thought a family member would be the best choice so DH could still have contact...but it's seeming like DH is hesitant to even agree to that. I'm just not sure what to do at this point - I've had it - I CANNOT live like this anymore. HELP!!!
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Married 12-13-14
:bfp: 7-9-14 natural mc @ 5wks6d 7-19-14
:bfp: 1-18-15 EDD: 9-20-15
1st u/s 1-27-15: baby measuring 6wks2d :hb: 102bpm!!!
2nd u/s 2-17-15: No :hb:, baby stopped developing at 7.5 weeks-MMC - D&C 3/9/15
:bfp: 7-8-15 EDD: 3-13-16
beta#1 @ 23dpo=6720
beta#2 @ 25dpo=10521
u/s @ 6w1d :hb: 114!!!
u/s @ 8w3d :hb: 168!!!
u/s @ 12w4d NT scan great! :hb: 165!!!
u/s @ 14w6d TEAM GRAY!! (Ie: team blue sucks)
u/s @ 19w5d HEALTHY baby! :hb: 140
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Re: Depressed/Lonely

Postby jeepgirl88 » Mon Dec 28, 2015 9:16 am

Hey Ladies, sorry I've been MIA from this thread, with Christmas and everything I just now got time to read and catch up.

Lils, glad you've been feeling better. How is your to-do list coming along? I'm so sorry to hear about your MIL going through chemo :( That must be so tough. I hope she can beat it and that one day she'll be in better shape to help with child care.

Skye, that's great about your aunt hosting the shower, one less thing to worry about! My MIL will be hosting mine in late February when my Mom comes to visit, so I'm glad I won't have to do much regarding that.

In terms of the dog situation, that does sound awful! Our shihtzu that we put down a few months back had a period of time when he went through pacing/panting spells and it drove me nuts too, especially when it was in the middle of the night. I think that a family member looking after the dog is a great solution, even if its just for a little while. With you being pregnant and your upcoming move, you have a lot on your plate! Plus, then you have to adjust to life with a newborn. Any change in DH's feelings about letting someone else look after the dog?

I'm starting to get pretty anxious over the things I have left to do, I still have to finish my hospital bag, pack the diaper bag etc. And I'm trying to get the house cleaned up but its hard when DH is always making a mess and he doesn't help clean much. He has been a bit better this past week since he's been off for Christmas break, he has helped a bit more with dishes, laundry etc. which is nice. I only have 3 shifts left at work and then I'm DONE, so hopefully I'll feel better and less stressed after that.
Me: 28
DH: 32
Married 11/09/2013
DD Born 02/04/2016

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Re: Depressed/Lonely

Postby Yelibaby » Mon Dec 28, 2015 9:54 am

My Dh is not usually a messy guy. He'll put his dirt laundry in the hamper, his towel on the rack, etc. but when he does get messy I just pile his lot of stuff on his side of the bed. Normally this works and he gets back on track. If not, my plan b is piling it on top of him while he's sleeping. Fortunately we haven't had to go there yet.
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DH: 29
TTC #1 since OCT 2014. After 1 year Nuvaring.

BFP Feb. 15, 2015 - MC at 7 weeks
BFP Apr 2015 - cp
BFP May 24th, 2015 (My bday - 9dpo)

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Progesterone 10dpo - 56.4 (oral progesterone)
Progesterone 14dpo - 61.3 (vaginal supplements and shot)

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Re: Depressed/Lonely

Postby jeepgirl88 » Mon Dec 28, 2015 11:53 am

Lol, I've threatened to put his dirty dishes on his pillow. But really, anything on the bed he just throws on the floor before getting in, so it doesn't really work.
Me: 28
DH: 32
Married 11/09/2013
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Re: Depressed/Lonely

Postby Lilsgrnspice » Tue Jan 05, 2016 2:09 pm

Happy new year ladies!

Things are settling down here. I have most of my hospital bag packed and everything else is set to go, which is a good thing because she may or may not be arriving earlier than planned. We find out Thursday. I am just waiting for my second burst of nesting to do another quick once over cleaning of the house. Hubs has really been stepping up now that I have been forcing myself to ASK for help instead of expecting it... Go figure!

Jeep, I had a meltdown not too long ago about all I had left to do (lots of tears and being irrational) but that's what it took for hubs to realize I needed his help, that and me asking in a hysterical way. I think had I not been hysterical, he would have helped for a day or two, then fall back into his routine. Now every time he walks by he asks, can I get you anything, or if I am up doing anything he comes to pitch in. They don't seem to grasp our deep pregnant compulsion to nest! Bellies make it hard to nest!

Skye, our dog has some weird behavioral issues and had anxiety when we first got her. We did behavioral training asap though at a young age. She still suffers from light/shadow obsession and a licking the floor obsession but "job training" made a huge difference with her. Her new current job is retrieving anything I drop and eventually what the baby will drop. It's a work in progress, lol! If you or dh or your aunt has the time and patience to do some training I highly recommend it. It may be challenging with an older dog but worth it in the end. With all the upcoming changes in your life, new house, new little person, it's going to be really hard on the dog. Rehoming is probably a good idea. It will be better for the dogs health in the long run too. A home with more attention and proper training and routine is what a dog with anxiety and ocd need. I don't envy all the stress you are having to endure at the tail end of your pregnancy. Be sure to take what time you can rest and relax.
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Baby # 2 conceived the old fashion way, surprise! EDD May 14, 2018
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Re: Depressed/Lonely

Postby skye skye » Thu Jan 28, 2016 7:40 am

Jeep - DH has come around to the idea, he wasn't really on board to start but allowed it because I pushed the issue. After he saw how much better off the dog was with my aunt getting the attention it really needed, he sees now that it is the best thing for the dog to be in a home where it can get the attention it requires. He's still having a hard time with it, he's had the dog since it was a puppy - but he sees the importance of it now. I think it was hard for him to grasp the concept of the situation while the dog was with us because a lot of the dog's behavioral issues were only present when DH was gone - he didn't see the meltdowns the dog had once he left the house. It was only because I started video-taping the dog's meltdowns that he finally believed me. That is what changed his mind on my aunt watching the dog - and once he saw that all the dog's issues went away with the constant attention my aunt was giving it - he then realized the need to rehome the dog. I'm just glad DH is finally on the same page as me with things. I've been wanting this for a long time. As far as the anxiety you're experiencing thinking about the things you have left to do - I am SO with you on that. We have done NOTHING - heck we haven't even moved yet! I hope your DH starts helping out more than what he is. I've had a hard time with my DH helping too. Definitely frustrating! I can't believe you're literally a week out from your due date!! OMG! 8O 8O

Thanks Lils. Yes, we are currently working with a rescue group to rehome the dog. It's unfortunate - but really the best option for all of us. We just don't have the ability to be what the dog needs at this point, and unfortunately my aunt isn't on board with keeping the dog. My DH is sad about the situation, but in the long run knows that the dog just needs and environment we can't provide. It has been a HUGE stress on me dealing with the dog's issues - anxiety and OCD (I didn't realize it was OCD until you just mentioned that, eureka!). I feel bad even saying it, but it's been like a weight lifted off my chest having the dog out of our house this past month - I have been able to navigate my house much easier and with far less hassle than with the dog there. Functioning has been difficult enough on its own being pregnant and having the issues I've had, but with the dog in the house it just made things far more difficult. At the end of the day I'm just glad the dog will be getting the attention and care it needs - it was pretty miserable with us it seemed.
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Married 12-13-14
:bfp: 7-9-14 natural mc @ 5wks6d 7-19-14
:bfp: 1-18-15 EDD: 9-20-15
1st u/s 1-27-15: baby measuring 6wks2d :hb: 102bpm!!!
2nd u/s 2-17-15: No :hb:, baby stopped developing at 7.5 weeks-MMC - D&C 3/9/15
:bfp: 7-8-15 EDD: 3-13-16
beta#1 @ 23dpo=6720
beta#2 @ 25dpo=10521
u/s @ 6w1d :hb: 114!!!
u/s @ 8w3d :hb: 168!!!
u/s @ 12w4d NT scan great! :hb: 165!!!
u/s @ 14w6d TEAM GRAY!! (Ie: team blue sucks)
u/s @ 19w5d HEALTHY baby! :hb: 140
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Re: Depressed/Lonely

Postby Natalie1993 » Mon Apr 11, 2016 7:39 am

Hello! I'm very sorry about your situation. I feel like I can sympeathize with you because I also have very few friends and now I can't even see those few often because I've recently moved and living in another city. Internet is a great relief, actually. I think there you can find people that share your interests and then communicate with them on the phone or in Skype. Don't know if it suits you, but it helps me a lot. And about feeling depressed - maybe you should share your problems with your husband and find a therapist. Try this information to find out the exact cause and extent of your depression.
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Re: Depressed/Lonely

Postby GlorieD » Sun Sep 18, 2016 7:46 pm

Yelibaby wrote:I'm so sorry you've been having to deal with depression through this. I'm glad though that you are willing to open up about it and talk it out.

I do agree with you on the puppy issue. You're approaching the most uncomfortable part of pregnancy and the least thing you want to do is go around cleaning up after an untrained puppy. Your dh just needs to grieve his furbaby and focus on your baby girl. Kudos to you for trying to make some sort of compromise, hopefully he'll see that soon enough, so don't feel bad and I think you should stick to your gut feeling on this and wait until you get any pets.


Yes :)
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