Finding out sex after never doing it before? Regret?

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Finding out sex after never doing it before? Regret?

Postby elohcin » Tue Feb 02, 2016 11:00 am

I have not found out the sex with my other four kids, despite numerous ultrasounds. I always wanted to wait. Don't think that I wasn't tempted, I always was, naturally!! (and I'm a ridiculous planning perfectionist that hates not knowing what tomorrow will bring because I can't color code it on my calendar and plan for it today...LOL) But I just never felt like it was worth it to peak, there are so few great surprises left in life and this is probably the best one out there.

However, this time I'm wondering about finding out. It makes me feel like a hypocrite. I realize that this could very well be our last baby, and I'm finally getting to where I'm coming to terms with that. But I'm kinda hoping for one sex over another...again, hypocritical of me as I've always been the "I could never have a preference, I'm just so grateful to be pregnant" type. I almost feel guilty even admitting it!!!

I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has chosen to find out after numerous pregnancies where they didn't. Did you feel guilty, or like you ruined the surprise? I'm afraid I will regret it. The nice thing is I can ALWAYS wait for the birth, so no issue there. But I kind of want to know for emotional reasons (ones that I always thought were silly and shallow, and now I'm in that boat...so that's what I get for ever judging!!) I don't have to make any decisions right now or anything (at this point I don't even know if I'll have an ultrasound), so I've got time to just listen to stories and experiences.

FWIW, we would still keep it a secret from everyone else...it would be just our own knowledge. But I'm so afraid I'd be disappointed in myself for not waiting, and end up beating myself up over it. I am by far my own worst enemy!!

This probably sounds so silly to anyone who's found out every time. But it's a big issue for me and I just don't want any regrets with what might be my last baby.
Me (30) DH (33) Married 12 years!
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Re: Finding out sex after never doing it before? Regret?

Postby Yelibaby » Sun Feb 07, 2016 12:35 am

Why would you beat yourself up about it? It's not doing baby or you any harm. It's still a surprise, you just get to open it earlier. Besides, you'll love your baby no matter what and come delivery day that'll be the last thing on your mind you can just focus on getting baby safely home into your arms.
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Re: Finding out sex after never doing it before? Regret?

Postby elvixen » Fri Feb 12, 2016 9:11 pm

Agree with PP. You still get the surprise, you just get it earlier! I found out with my first, and didn't find out with my second. There are advantages to both, and i had fun being team green. but i am finding out this time. I truly dont think you will regret if you find out, but trust your instincts!
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Re: Finding out sex after never doing it before? Regret?

Postby MamaBird912 » Sat Feb 13, 2016 7:40 am

I think there are two sides to this..

This is your last baby, so maybe finding out the sex would be an experience you'd like to have. You won't get another chance to do it.

But also, you should question whether or not you'll feel like you "favorited" this baby by finding out when you didn't with your others. If that would bother you, maybe you should wait.

Either way, your baby isn't going to know or care. Your other children aren't going to think "but she didn't do that with us". They would actually probably be really excited to find out early and it could help the bonding process.

If you'd like it to be more of an experience you could not find out at the ultrasound, have the tech give the gender result to someone you trust, and then have them help you throw a party for family and friends. I'm sure you've heard of gender reveal parties. It could make it an even better experience because you and all your loved ones get to enjoy it together.

Whatever you choose will be fine, its not the end of the world (;
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Re: Finding out sex after never doing it before? Regret?

Postby ElizaMoondance » Thu Oct 13, 2016 12:55 am

I always wanted it to be a surprise! I guess I caved in, partly due to my partner wanting to know, and found out the gender. I was never disappointed about finding out, though. If I ever have another baby, I think this time I will let it be a surprise. Not because my experience was bad, but just to try something different.
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Re: Finding out sex after never doing it before? Regret?

Postby momofmany » Thu Oct 13, 2016 10:25 am

I didn't find out for my first. I thought she was a boy. For days I kept saying he.
For my next 5 we found out. I like knowing what it is so I can connect more. I call them by name and feel like I know them more. :)
I can understand why you don't want to. One way to look at it is if you find out you may regret it but if you don't you won't.
Good luck with your decision.
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Re: Finding out sex after never doing it before? Regret?

Postby Sarahleh1 » Wed Mar 08, 2017 5:18 am

My first pregnancy, I did not find out the sex. So there I was pushing and screaming at the midwife, "get it out! get it out!" That's right. I was calling my baby boy an "it".

I am going to find out this time. I think it helps with visualizing and bonding and coming to terms with what's happening, what to expect, what names your baby might have, etc.

Before, it just felt like a big unknown and I don't think I actually liked it.

I was so tired/messed up from the birth, that when he came out, I didn't give a f*ck what sex he was. They told me he was a boy and I didn't have the strength to be happy/surprised/whatever.

Just my two cents! I will be learning the sex as soon as possible this time around :)
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Re: Finding out sex after never doing it before? Regret?

Postby Sarahleh1 » Wed Mar 08, 2017 5:19 am

momofmany wrote:I didn't find out for my first. I thought she was a boy. For days I kept saying he.
For my next 5 we found out. I like knowing what it is so I can connect more. I call them by name and feel like I know them more. :)
I can understand why you don't want to. One way to look at it is if you find out you may regret it but if you don't you won't.
Good luck with your decision.

Yes, this! Connection, exactly. I didn't have a connection when I didn't know. I think I can connect more with knowing, for whatever reason - even though it shouldn't matter. It does help with visualizing.
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