Baby Buddies Pregnancy Group!

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Re: Baby Buddies Pregnancy Group!

Postby newgirl » Sun Aug 13, 2017 2:06 pm

Well one of our cars just broke so DH wants me to cancel my appt next week. So now I went from knowing in 6 days to knowing in 6 weeks. I'm pretty depressed about it but this is the usual stuff that happens to me, I'm really not surprised. I kind of felt like we'd never make it to the appointment for some reason in the back of my mind when I set up the appointment last month. I try not to get my hopes up for anything for this reason and I got my hopes up.
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Re: Baby Buddies Pregnancy Group!

Postby twotothreeplease » Sun Aug 13, 2017 6:17 pm

newgirl wrote:Well one of our cars just broke so DH wants me to cancel my appt next week. So now I went from knowing in 6 days to knowing in 6 weeks. I'm pretty depressed about it but this is the usual stuff that happens to me, I'm really not surprised. I kind of felt like we'd never make it to the appointment for some reason in the back of my mind when I set up the appointment last month. I try not to get my hopes up for anything for this reason and I got my hopes up.


I swear I'm going to drive out to you and take you to your appointment! That sucks SO badly. I'm so sorry lady. :(
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Re: Baby Buddies Pregnancy Group!

Postby twotothreeplease » Mon Aug 14, 2017 6:39 am

Okay, how are you ladies and your mothers and/or mother in laws getting along and how well does your mother give information?

As most of you know, my mom lives in Arizona. She is currently in Washington state. She said she plans to come for the birth of our child, stay for a few weeks, then go back to AZ. That's fine. My brother has two little girls. Mom says that she will stay in Indiana for 6 months, then live in AZ for 6 months. She is also a smoker and a drinker. I have no issues with the drinking (whatever, she's retired), however I will not tolerate smoking in any capacity. She has told my brother and I MULTIPLE times over the years "Oh I'm quitting." but always has an excuse. First it was "well your dad won't quit with me." then it was "Oh I'm down to 1/2 a pack a day!" Now it's "Well it's really hard to not smoke when I'm having a drink." I'm not saying my mom is an alcoholic, but it's not uncommon for her to start drinking at noon or 1pm. She says she's down to 1/3 a pack a day, but literally every time I facetime her she has a death stick in her hands. Nothing is ever her fault. She makes excuses for everything (i.e. smoking while drinking latest response), but I've texted her questions or just to chat and received NOTHING in response multiple times. I feel angry that she's basically only wanted to be a part time mother or grandmother to me and my brother, and I'm especially angry that she won't change her life to better it (let alone save money since she's on a fixed income now).

I'm so frustrated because I have questions, or have fun little updates and I'm met with either a joke, a sarcastic remark, or "well I don't know, things were different when I was pregnant with you two. I wasn't supposed to be able to have kids." One of the first bump photos I sent her she replied with "I don't know anyone who had a bump at 2 months pregnant. You just look fat." So I haven't been sending her any more photos obviously. I'm so frustrated and angry that there is NO insight on what I should expect, or even having a mother figure to lean on. :mad:
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Re: Baby Buddies Pregnancy Group!

Postby newgirl » Mon Aug 14, 2017 7:08 am

Dh told me not to cancel the appointment but now I'm skeptical that we'll go. So we'll see i guess.

And Maggie your mom sounds like a jerk and I'd probably tell her to stay home instead of coming to help. Do you have any other ladies (cousins, aunts, friends) that have had kids to lean on for support? My mom is bipolar and has a personality disorder so I get it. My mom can flip a switch at any given moment however when I was growing up we lived across the street from my grandparents so my grandmother was like a 2nd mom which is helpful. My mom also smokes and probably will forever, I've let that dream go. My ex is an alcoholic so I've dealt with addiction for a long time from the other side and if they make excuses for not stopping then they probably don't want to or have no will power do so. Unfortunately there isn't much you can do to nudge them in the right direction, they have to find it themselves. But on a side note my mom has been surprisingly supportive of this pregnancy (but was not for my other 2) but she did make a comment like "Oh I thought you were just getting fat like your sister."
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Re: Baby Buddies Pregnancy Group!

Postby twotothreeplease » Mon Aug 14, 2017 7:57 am

I have my husband's family thankfully. They're the sisters and mother in law that I always wanted as bad as that is to say. Previously my mom had said she'd be at the baby shower in December and also the birth, now she's saying she'll only be there for the birth. This is just like my wedding/wedding shower all over again. I hate it.

I think I'm going to tell her that she can come for the birth, but if she hasn't quit smoking that I don't want her staying with us, because all she'll do is complain about how cold it is and how Arizona is so much better blah blah blah. Then go out and stay with your family there (oh wait. you don't have any family in AZ.) I hate that you also have to deal with this. I don't necessarily know what I was expecting, but I was hoping that she'd at least care enough to listen to me or help me otherwise. Her main method of getting us to do things we don't want to do is guilt, and I'm not having it anymore. It's not my fault that she chose to live 1500 miles away. That's on her.
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EDD: January 31st, 2018
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Re: Baby Buddies Pregnancy Group!

Postby AnJC13 » Mon Aug 14, 2017 9:49 am

Ouch, Maggie, that's hard! I can't believe she texted you that. And Bre is right, if she's like that, maybe you need space instead of her staying with you. Enjoy the good moments when they come and don't feel guilty for asking for the space you need when you need it.
Especially if she drinks and smokes so heavily. (People forget how much drinking and smoking rewire their brain chemistry.)
For the smoking, both my parents smoked so I understand the rage lol (though never in my house and they would not have ever asked, they knew what I thought of it). Once they quit for a year and started up again. It's a real addiction, and I think it's better to let it go (but no smoking around the baby, obviously).
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Re: Baby Buddies Pregnancy Group!

Postby twotothreeplease » Mon Aug 14, 2017 10:43 am

I think my biggest issue with it is we all KNOW how bad smoking is for you. Heck, the main cause of the cancer that killed my dad, as well as her mom was caused by smoking cigarettes. Why keep that going?! Ugh! I just hate the smell of it all around. Even when she smokes outside it clings to all of her clothes and hair and ick!
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EDD: January 31st, 2018
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Re: Baby Buddies Pregnancy Group!

Postby newgirl » Mon Aug 14, 2017 11:08 am

The nice thing about having my mom in the delivery room was that she got yelled at instead of my ex lol. She hasn't been too bad lately (as long as she takes her pills shes OK). But she keeps referring the the baby as little brother and its kind of annoying. She also guilts everyone into doing things. I really dont have much of a conscience when it comes to her so its easy to say no.

Anne tomorrows the big day isn't it? Exciting!
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Re: Baby Buddies Pregnancy Group!

Postby newgirl » Mon Aug 14, 2017 11:33 am

Anne my bad I just went back and saw you said the 23rd. I guess when you said 15 days the 15th stuck in my head lol. But still sooo close!
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Re: Baby Buddies Pregnancy Group!

Postby newgirl » Mon Aug 14, 2017 1:52 pm

So remember how I had to call the insurance company a while ago for the morning sickness pills? And then I called the doctor to authorize them? Well I thought I'd be fine because I felt OK for a few days... I've been sick for the past 3 days and threw up today so I assumed everything was taken care of because I never heard back from the doctor even though I told them to call me either way. I go to the pharmacy to find the authorization was never sent but here's the kicker I gave the lady my name and spelled the last name, she told me they were filling it. So I waited 10 mins and the lady yells to me "hey Coleen" I'm like "im briana" and she makes a whoops face and goes back to her work. So I get back in line and she's like I'm sorry I misheard you so I yelled my name at her twice. Why didn't she say that instead of going back to work, wtf?!?! I could've sat there forever! So I storm out and call the doctor... She claims she never got the message. I could scream if one more person overlooks me this week. I might stab the next next person who forgets or overlooks me no lie.
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Re: Baby Buddies Pregnancy Group!

Postby twotothreeplease » Tue Aug 15, 2017 6:11 am

Do it Bre! Take no shit!
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Re: Baby Buddies Pregnancy Group!

Postby LibbyMac » Tue Aug 15, 2017 9:19 am

Bre, those pregnancy hormones are definitely a killer but these situations are people just being downright rude! I'd be pissed as well if i were you

Maggie, that is really tough, I'm so sorry to hear about that, especially your Mom calling you fat, no excuse for that whatsoever! Everyone knows that the dreaded bloat is the first thing that happens when you're pregnant, I'm sure she experienced it herself when she had you and your brother, I feel mad on your behalf.

I definitely think that if she is going to cause you more stress than be a help to you, you might considering saying that you'd rather she didn't come to stay until you were a bit more settled into your routine...and then decide yourself how long that might take ;)

I don't want to rub it in by talking about my Mom, who is truly fantastic, but I will join your bitching session and talk about my mother in law

It's funny that you posted this, I actually had a huge big cry over my mother in law two nights ago! Now, I'm a lady and I don't use the C word, but if I did, that's the word I would use.

From the moment I was introduced to her 9 and a half years ago she has been cold, standoffish, sarcastic, rude, mean, bitchy and everything in between.

Thankfully it's not me, she's like that with everybody, she only has about 3 friends who tolerate her and no hobbies or interests outside of walking the dog, so I try my best not to take it to heart and she and I give each other a very wide birth because since DH and I got married 3 years ago I don't tolerate her anymore, I figure she's not getting rid of me now so I don't have to be fake with her any more

Some examples - in the run up to our wedding she never once instigated a conversation with me about it, she had no interest in seeing my dress, she didn't know what colour the BM's were in, she didn't care about our menu, our band, all she knew was where to show up and what time...and she did... wearing white I might add... bitch

And EVERYONE said to me, EVERYONE, "it'll all change when you get pregnant" "just wait until you're pregnant" "she'll soften when you get pregnant" and she hasn't.

She has zero interest in me, this pregnancy or this baby. If I asked her today how far gone I am she wouldn't know, I'd say she doesn't know my due date, she's never asked to see a scan photo, she wouldn't have a clue when we are being scanned, she never asks anything about the pregnancy like if I can feel movement or if we're going to find out the sex, she just ignores it completely

When we lost our first baby in January she patted me on the shoulder and said 'better luck next time' and when we announced this pregnancy in May she said 'oh'.... that's it...

And I find it hard, I really do - because on one side my husband and I have my family, who have bought us our crib and our moses basket, who are travelling out of their way to a baby store sale on Thursday coming as neither DH nor I can go and will pay for everything we need there as a gift, who text me every day for photos and updates, who text him every couple of weeks asking how he's doing, who bring us out for dinner all the time, who have just allowed us to use their house in Spain completely free for our last baby free holiday

And then on the other side, there's his family - his mother, see above, his Dad, a lovely, gentle man who just kind of potters along and realistically how much interest would he have anyway and his sister who in fairness is super interested but is constantly overshadowed by the mothers negativity

I haven't invited her to my baby shower and I told DH that I wasn't going to - he understands, he doesn't have a good relationship with her either

She's incredibly unaffectionate, no one in the family ever touches one another if you understand me, his Mom would never hug him or his sister, so therefore they never do it to each other either... my family are big huggers

But I got upset because I literally stood in the shower the other night watching my growing belly and telling the baby how much Mommy loves it, how, how much Daddy loves it, how much Nana Dee loves it, how much Granda Ger loves it, how much it's aunts and uncles love it already, how excited it's cousins are for it to come (although they think Santa is bringing it so it looks like we'll be having Christmas on December 6th!)

And I was thinking to myself how can someone not care? I'm giving her her first grandchild and she literally couldn't care less... How can she not care????

Mother In Laws... who'd have em?!
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Re: Baby Buddies Pregnancy Group!

Postby newgirl » Tue Aug 15, 2017 10:50 am

Libby your MIL sounds terrible. But on a positive note as least your family is supportive. And the best part is your baby will know so much love and affection from so many other people including you and your dh.

My first MIL was mean until I got pregnant and then changed her attitude. My current Dh's mom passed away before we started dating but his family is on and off with interest. His one sister is a pill junkie and sleeps a lot so I've never talked to her much and his other sister is never there when I am. His brothers and dad do ask from time to time how the pregnancy is coming along. His younger brother just moved back from Texas and is currently staying with us for 2 months (he moved in last week) and he asks a lot of questions and seems interested. I'm sure some of them will be more excited as baby's birthday gets closer.

On a funny note. I was walking through our warehouse (I work in the office part but go to the warehouse once or twice a day) and someone told me I look like i might be pregnant lol. 15 weeks!
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Re: Baby Buddies Pregnancy Group!

Postby twotothreeplease » Wed Aug 16, 2017 5:27 am

Oh Libby! I'm so sorry about your mother in law! She sounds like a C word. I'm not one to say that word lightly... only in extreme cases... because I'm a lady. ;) My mom is like a mixture of your mom and your MIL. Sometimes she's very helpful and nice (almost smothering) and other times she's cold and distant.

I am lucky because my MIL is basically the traditional mother that I never had. Yesterday I took 1/2 a vacation day because our dog had pooing issues and I had to bathe her before coming to work, then my allergies started acting up (I swear they are worse now that I'm pregnant. Pretty sure I read something that said that happens during pregnancy.) But I was just BONE tired. So I went home and napped for 2 1/2 hours and then woke up to the sweetest text from her. "Hope you're feeling better. Take care of yourself and that sweet baby boy. If you ever need anything don't hesitate to ask. (blue heart emoji)." So obviously I started crying. Hahaha. She's a sweetheart.

My mom finally replied to me yesterday evening after I texted her asking my birth weight. She never did a baby book or anything with me. I was 3 months premature (born 7/12 EDD 10/11), and was 2 pounds 3 ounces the first day, then dropped a pound the next day. DH was 7 pounds 6 oz. I was trying to estimate what our baby would be when I gave birth... but I don't think I have an accurate prediction there. Lol.

Bre, that's funny! The people at my work know that I'm pregnant, but I have one woman in particular who has said to me (3 weeks in a row) "oh wow! You're really popping out today. You've started to show." I'm trying to take it as a compliment. But also hear (because of how my mom's words have stuck with me) oh you're getting fat...

Pregnancy is so fun sometimes... :rofl:
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EDD: January 31st, 2018
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Re: Baby Buddies Pregnancy Group!

Postby newgirl » Wed Aug 16, 2017 6:36 am

Some people at work know and some dont. We have a lot of departments and we are kind of sectioned off because we're on the first floor and the rest of the office is on the 2nd floor. I only go up there once or twice a month for supplies so not many people upstairs know and the warehouse people I don't see often because I only walk through the front half and if they're in the isles or something I wouldn't see them. But I did laugh when she said it. I'm a little overweight so that could be why not many people have said anything to me. But my belly has been quite round for about a month. The doctor said a few weeks ago that I'm going to get big quick since this is my 3rd but i already knew that.

Also I'm overly hormonal too. I hate it. I watch cat and dog videos on facebook and cry and I've never been a cryer. I tear up sometimes at the kids cartoons...like seriously its a freakin cartoon! And the next second i'm on a rampage.

I hope your puppy is feeling better. Sick pets and babies are the worst because they make you feel so helpless and they can't tell you whats wrong.
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