my sister just announced her pregnancy....feeling sad

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my sister just announced her pregnancy....feeling sad

Postby kbd831 » Fri May 15, 2015 11:35 am

I am currently 13 weeks pregnant and have been TTC for over a year. Finally we got our BFP in early March and it is the happiest I've been in a very long time.
My sister TEXTED me last week and said “I’m pregnant, sorry”. Now a little back story on our relationship… we don’t really have one. We are both very very different people. She is over the top and explosive and I’m more reserved and laid back and younger. I don’t particularly care for her personality more specifically her behavior. Its obvious we aren’t close and we will never be because she always tries to one up me or make things about her (got engaged on my birthday last year, during my wedding planning she caused numerous fights with me because I wasn’t doing things she wanted, said she wasn't going to be in my wedding, when I announced my pregnancy all she talked about was how she wanted to be pregnant etc.) Frankly I just don’t have the time to deal with her nor do I want to. Anyway last week when I got that text all I could do was cry. Cry because of the way she handled it by texting it to me, cried because she is telling me this before she even went to a doctor, cried because suddenly I felt that no one would care that I was having a baby. I know it is awful and I'm ashamed to even say it but I'm not even happy that she is pregnant but a large part of me is just saddened and disgusted by the way she went about it. She always said “I can’t believe my little sister is getting married before me” and she is always trying to “keep up” with what everyone else is doing. My texts back to her were nasty and I know it wasn’t right but I was (and still am) feeling so angry and hurt. I told her I needed my own space and time and for her to stop contacting me for the time being. I know I sound ridiculous for feeling this way but I can’t help it. We have wanted this for so long, and here she goes gets pregnant in 2 months and starts telling my family before even going to the Dr. Why couldn't she have just waited until she saw a doctor at least? By then I would have been like 4 or 5 months pregnant and the news wouldn't be FRESH to my family so I’m not sure that I’d feel so sad. I just told my family we were expecting less than 2 weeks ago.... She doesn't think about other people’s feelings ever, she never even considered that this would hurt me. DH feels so disgusted with how distasteful it was how she went about it. I know that my baby will not need love or approval from anyone else but DH and I. No one can take away the special love and creation that we are experiencing together because we are doing it for the right reasons, for US, not to be like “everyone else”. I have never been so happy in my entire life since that day that I found out I was going to be a mom. And I am so pissed that I let her bring me down and cause so much stress on my body.
It was really hurting my mom that we weren't talking so DH and I decided to be the bigger person and call her and tell her how we felt. She accepted my apology for texting back rudely however I still can't find it in my heart to get over it. I feel like I hate this person who is my family member. I feel like I don't want her to be involved in my life etc. When I hear things about her pregnancy from my SIL's I start to cry and get angry. Sorry for the rant, please don't judge me I just don't know how or what I can do to get myself over this..... thanks for your advice.
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Re: my sister just announced her pregnancy....feeling sad

Postby OCT.4me » Fri May 15, 2015 1:37 pm

It sounds like your sister is truly more jealous of you and whatever the reason she is in competition. Distance will help and it doesn't have to be considered rude if your respectfully distant. I would be frank about those who update you about her pregnancy; letting them know you would prefer the details from your sister first and not letting them know you won't chase after them. Suppose what I'm saying is.... Be assertive because the toll it takes on your emotions isn't worth it. I WOULD talk about your own pregnancy if your not already; share with family what your comfortable sharing and they will reciprocate and get more involved emotionally with your baby. My own parents finally have begun to bond with Abigail and it's beautiful to hear their excitement and get texts of what baby girl is going to have to wear! So that might help keep others in the loop and not just wrapped up in Sister baby.

Now in her defense I say share when you know and let what if out the door... She is excited about her baby and is celebrating life but as you said it's more about the fact you just told everyone your expecting and feel once again she is raining on your parade. I think it's time you have a heart to heart with her and at least you get to present your side and if nothing ever gets solved your still free from frustration and anguish.

Your not alone in these family matters and what you feel is how you feel and no one can tell you how your supposed to respond. Don't apologize just work on removing the negative from your thoughts since they hurt you more then her!
Due Sept. 7th, 2015 carrying this miracle to term!!!


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Re: my sister just announced her pregnancy....feeling sad

Postby Sumia » Fri May 15, 2015 4:08 pm

You sound just like my situation. Only its on my DH side. My DH was told his whole life he would never have kids due to a surgery he had as a very small boy. So all his life he just accepted it, even though he didn't want too. We tried 2 years and finally got our positive, I am due oct 20th! His older sister always felt in competition with us. When we started dating, she had to find a bf. If we got a new car, hers was newer and better. She even admitted when we all were going out that she was jealous and unhappy because she was the oldest and had to be the first for everything! Honestly, it annoyed me. I am the oldest in my family but my brother isnt all trying to be better or the same as me. So now we announce our pregnancy and 3 months later shes pregnant and tried to say were due at the same time. Were not, shes due in January.
His mother favors her over him, and always had. This hurts him and I can tell cause hes a pleaser, but he isnt vengeful. He is not upset with his sister, but hurt because now the focus went off him and his baby and onto her and hers. I like to tell him that even though shes getting the attention and praise, she is doing it cause she needs it. Like your situation, your sister needs this. You don't. My family is just as excited (maybe more since its grandbaby 1) and our little one is going to get so much love and support from us and other family members, that I doubt it will even notice a little bit of lack of attention from another family member. Your sister is happy and excited for the baby, and we don't know the circumstance either so the best thing to do is be happy for her and try to be in her life for the little one. They are cousins now, and their relationship will grow no matter how you feel about your sister. So it's better to be the bigger person. It does hurt and it is disappointing, but your baby is made from love and want, and that will make all the difference in the world when its being raised and cared for and loved. :)

Keep your chin up and don't be sad. Every baby is a gift. And if it helps, yours is coming first ;)
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Re: my sister just announced her pregnancy....feeling sad

Postby kbd831 » Sun May 17, 2015 5:09 am

Thank you both for your advice.. I really appreciate it :)
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Re: my sister just announced her pregnancy....feeling sad

Postby 2ndxmom » Mon May 18, 2015 5:17 pm

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, my best friend is somewhat similar, she didn't even want to get pregnant until I started talking about it, then DH and I had some problems and she jumped the gun to get started, never had she considered how i felt not being able to get preggo at the time, she's now 8 months and I'm just 14 weeks ._. I finally told her how I felt and we both cried and got over it. I can't imagine going through it with a sister with parents and other relatives involved though, having to share the excitement. I don't think your being selfish at all however, and I agree with the 1st person that replied, she sounds very jealous and probably cuz your the baby sister! So sad. I hope the situation gets better for you. Just remain blessed and happy that your starting your little family :) now with that said. When are you due?? I found out on March the 6th which was my bday and I'm due Nov 18th! Happy and healthy 9 months!!
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Re: my sister just announced her pregnancy....feeling sad

Postby sgrumbling21 » Tue May 19, 2015 12:01 pm

I also kinda had a similar thing happen to me and my best friend. I got married like 6 months before her and when she got married we started TTC, she knew and kept saying that they didn't want to get pregnant right away. Then a few weeks later they start trying. She got pregnant in like two months but not me. I went through her whole pregnancy listening to her complain about everything and I was so jealous. After she had her baby (last May), I finally contacted a fertility specialist. It took until December to finally start taking Clomid and feel like we were actually trying. I would talk to her and tell her how with the meds I should get pregnant pretty quickly and then she started talking about how she wanted to get pregnant again (she has a 6 month old at the time) and I was just so mad and upset everytime she would tell me that she might be pregnant again and then she wasn't, and she kept complaining how it was taking so long to get pregnant (I had been trying for almost two years and in that time she had gotten pregnant, had a baby and is now trying for another). I was just so mad. She was only trying to get pregnant because I was. I finally got my BFP in February and I was so excited and happy and then March she got her's. I was so upset and just mad at her. I felt like she was stealing my time to be happy and be pregnant. I just never said anything to her and acted like nothing bothered me. I stopped talking to her as often as I did and took more time for myself instead of including her in what was going on because I just felt like she would have to one up me by telling me how many times she threw up that day and how many zofrans she had to take just to feel ok. It is very frustrating to have people that are close to you and that you love trying to compete with you and show that they can be better then you. But then again, it's there life and they are choosing to add another child and it's going to be hard on them, not on you. Esp for my friend. she is going to have two kids under two by the end of this year and her DH doesn't help with their first. He complains if he has to watch her for two hours. So it's her problem now that she wanted to be the same as me. It's terrible to say, but that's her problem now.
Me- 25
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#1 EDD 10/12/15
13DPO beta 55
15DPO beta 126

2/23/15 First ultrasound Measuring 6w5d HR 128
3/5/15 measures right on time! HR 171

4/29/15 It's a GIRL!!!!

Natalie born 09.18.15 @2302 5lbs 9.4oz 18in long! She is my tiny, amazing little baby girl!
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