SO at baby shower?

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Should your SO be at your baby shower if he can be?

Yes, Absolutely
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51%
No its more of a girl thing anyways
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Total votes : 72

Postby jsilly » Mon Apr 06, 2009 2:39 pm

Well, we're having a co-ed baby shower. But I went to two showers where the hubby was the only man there. The husbands ate and helped open presents and then left to meet friends for drinks. I know that I wanted DH at the shower so we made it co-ed. Good luck and I hope you enjoy your shower :)
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Postby BriannaMarie » Mon Apr 06, 2009 3:51 pm

I didn't vote but mainly because until I met my DH I never knew of a guy who wanted to be involved in so much planning for a baby... let alone wanted to be a part of the baby shower! It has always been a girls only thing in my family - the guys usually take the Soon to Be Dad out for golf or a BBQ.

Either way, I think it's up to you and DH.
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Postby mamay » Mon Apr 06, 2009 4:04 pm

I would leave it up to you DH and not take into consideration at all what your MIL wants. Mine wouldn't be caught dead at the baby shower! LOL!
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Postby Soon2BMayMommyX2 » Tue Apr 07, 2009 10:42 am

Ok....I guess I just feel as though the whole reason your having a baby is because you and DH conceived together.

The shower is for BABY! Not mommy or daddy...these people are giving gifts for the BABY! So I think the Dad should be there as well. Especially if this is his family shower and not yours.

DH went with me to 1st DS's shower. I felt as though it was just as important for him to be there to thank people for their generosity as it was for me. Plus it really helped to speed things along when opening gifts. It is exhausting at this point in your pregnancy :)

Now this time, second DS, DH did not go. However. We did not have a shower. My mom & I threw a ladies brunch where we had close friends & family out for brunch & gave them goody baskets of girlie things and made a girls morning out of it. They did bring gifts but they were gifts that would have been bought anyway? Make sense? It was not advertised as a baby shower either. The invites said "Ladies Brunch" soooo I say do what is comfy. Glad to hear your sis is going to be with you.
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Postby Mommy_oz » Tue Apr 07, 2009 11:43 am

Soon2BMayMommyX2 wrote:Ok....I guess I just feel as though the whole reason your having a baby is because you and DH conceived together.

The shower is for BABY! Not mommy or daddy...these people are giving gifts for the BABY! So I think the Dad should be there as well. Especially if this is his family shower and not yours.

DH went with me to 1st DS's shower. I felt as though it was just as important for him to be there to thank people for their generosity as it was for me. Plus it really helped to speed things along when opening gifts. It is exhausting at this point in your pregnancy :)

Now this time, second DS, DH did not go. However. We did not have a shower. My mom & I threw a ladies brunch where we had close friends & family out for brunch & gave them goody baskets of girlie things and made a girls morning out of it. They did bring gifts but they were gifts that would have been bought anyway? Make sense? It was not advertised as a baby shower either. The invites said "Ladies Brunch" soooo I say do what is comfy. Glad to hear your sis is going to be with you.



I feel the same way that you do! I was thinking that he could at least be there for opening gifts and my MIL wants me to be there 2 hours early to help her put up decorations and stuff and honestly I don't feel up to that and it would help if my husband did it for me its a PITA to do alot of activity now that I am so far along (and miserable might I add)
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Postby Soon2BMayMommyX2 » Tue Apr 07, 2009 12:01 pm

Mrs_oz wrote:
Soon2BMayMommyX2 wrote:Ok....I guess I just feel as though the whole reason your having a baby is because you and DH conceived together.

The shower is for BABY! Not mommy or daddy...these people are giving gifts for the BABY! So I think the Dad should be there as well. Especially if this is his family shower and not yours.

DH went with me to 1st DS's shower. I felt as though it was just as important for him to be there to thank people for their generosity as it was for me. Plus it really helped to speed things along when opening gifts. It is exhausting at this point in your pregnancy :)

Now this time, second DS, DH did not go. However. We did not have a shower. My mom & I threw a ladies brunch where we had close friends & family out for brunch & gave them goody baskets of girlie things and made a girls morning out of it. They did bring gifts but they were gifts that would have been bought anyway? Make sense? It was not advertised as a baby shower either. The invites said "Ladies Brunch" soooo I say do what is comfy. Glad to hear your sis is going to be with you.



I feel the same way that you do! I was thinking that he could at least be there for opening gifts and my MIL wants me to be there 2 hours early to help her put up decorations and stuff and honestly I don't feel up to that and it would help if my husband did it for me its a PITA to do alot of activity now that I am so far along (and miserable might I add)


Wait, your MIL thinks you should help set up for the shower? Ohhh my sounds like you have a no win situation on your hands. What does your DH think?
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Postby Mommy_oz » Tue Apr 07, 2009 12:06 pm

Well he agreed after we talked to go to the shower but didn't say anything about her wanting me to help set up. I can't stand this woman :(
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Postby Soon2BMayMommyX2 » Wed Apr 08, 2009 5:35 am

Mrs_oz wrote:Well he agreed after we talked to go to the shower but didn't say anything about her wanting me to help set up. I can't stand this woman :(


I'm so sorry hon. I know it can be difficult. I just hope your DH is supportive. If so your gonna be just fine. We seem to upset our inlaws on a daily basis sometimes and after 10yrs I just don't have the energy to care anymore. Basically no matter what we do, SOMETHING is gonna make them upset.

With DS1 it was a MESS! Of course when it all blew up 9months later it was ALL my fault. Forget the fact that my SIL announced she was pregnant the day my son was born 8O and after that Will just didn't matter anymore. DH asked her for an example of what is was I did....are u ready????

She says "Well like one time his sock fell off & I put it back on, Calissa came over & corrected it!!!!!! That and that she hadn't changed a diaper!" Ok wait one second...
Are u kidding me? I was a new mom, trying to learn to Breastfeed, which was really hard in the beginning, and he is our baby & we feel our responsibility to change diapers. It was ridiculous. It was only better for a while....

Sadly DH says after some things she has pulled over the past years that if anything were to happen to his dad, we would probably never see her anymore & we would like to move!

Oh My I guess I wrote too much...I just wanna say, I FEEL YOUR PAIN :)
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Postby Mommy_oz » Wed Apr 08, 2009 8:18 am

Wow Calissa Im so sorry your MIL is wicked too!! and don't feel bad about writing to much no such thing! Some times my DH will stand up to his mom, other times he nods his head and does something the complete opposite of what she tells him to do and the other times he likes to sugar coat things and put it way to nicely.

This woman actually told me that I wasn't my husbands family 8O That because she wasn't invited to our wedding (because my DH did NOT want her there so HE didn't invite her) I owe the effin WORLD to her. When we told her we were TTC she said to me, Well you OWE it to me to be in the delivery room. And I said umm no? And she then said that her daughter allowed the fathers mother in the room with her and she feels it should be the same with us. (Now I will not be calling her telling her I am headed to the hossy) When we told her we had to use fertility meds to try and get pregnant she treated me like dirt as if I were less of a women for having fertility problems and refused to tell his father (which I don't like any more than his mother) When we told her we were pregnant after having to use fertility meds there was no congrats nothing like that she said to me "Well it BETTER be a boy and if it is you OWE it to me to name the middle name John because thats OUR tradition in our family" Needless to say my son will NOT have the middle name John and she threw a hissy fit! She told me how selfish I was and that I didn't care about family tradition. I then told her that the ONLY tradition I followed is that my child got my husbands and I's last name. and that she wasn't raising our baby and it wasn't coming out of her vag so she had no place to tell me anything about what we should name our child.


And I feel that this merry go round with my MIL will never end. It would be nicer if my DH stood up to her like I can however it feels damn good to tell that woman off. And I feel the ONLY reason she is holding this baby shower for me is because its to show her friends "how good of a person she is" and an "Oh look what I did!" Though I think this women forgets that my DH is deploying for a year and I am the one that will have Nolan with me and I don't have to go see them what so ever. Which I have even told my husband if they don't start to treat me better they won't see our children because my own father will never meet my children because of the type of person he is they can be no different


Wow sorry that was a long rant but I guess thats why I would feel so much more comfortable with my husband there but I do know if she were to say anything to me and my sister heard it or was there my sister would go off for me and handle it the way I would ;)
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Postby LaurenAshley » Wed Apr 08, 2009 8:42 am

To be honest, I would think if it was a shower with your friends and family, it could be a girly thing. But this is the shower that your husbands mother is throwing for the baby, not just you, and he needs to be there. He needs to be able to be the one between you and his mom, or she most likely will put you down at every chance. My MIL is just like her and did the same thing, but I forced DH to be there and it was a lot better.

I think you just need to talk to him and tell him it would make you feel better about going if he was there with you.

And as for my DH, I would at least have him there to open the gifts, because they are for his baby too.
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Postby HaleysMom » Thu Apr 09, 2009 1:04 am

She certainly sounds like a piece of work. Okay, my 2 cents:

I think it's good that dh is going to the shower with you, esp if it makes you feel more comfortable to have him there. Something to keep in mind, though, is that if he is not good at standing up to his mother on your behalf, it might not be such a great idea for him to be there because then you'll end up annoyed with them both.....and I just wouldn't want to remember my first baby shower that way.

And as for setting up for the shower, girl there is no way you should be going over to help set up. SHE is the one throwing the shower for YOU. That is just completely rude and tacky IMO to ask the mother to be to help set up for her own shower. If you can't just outright tell her that you don't want to set up for your own shower, then I'd just tell her that you have some errands and things you need to get done before the shower and that you most likely won't be able to be there early like she was hoping....then suggest that she ask someone coming from her family (sister, cousin, whatever) to help her out. And girl, when you're done opening presents, get help putting everything in your car immediately. That way when the last guest is going, you can skip out before you end up alone with her because she'll probably then ask you to help her clean up and then tell you off about who knows what.

Anyways, all that said and done, I hope it turns out to be a great shower for you and I hope for at least this ONE day that she will be on her best behavior. Can't wait to see what you get! Btw, what did she end up saying about the crib?
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Postby Loreneprego5 » Thu Apr 09, 2009 9:03 am

I am an old school mom being I have a 12 year old lol but I think showers should be for women only lol......but in this day and age and the younger generation having your SO is actually appropriate. But I don't think it matters who is throwing the shower. MIL or not..that shouldn't dictate if dh goes or not but I would probably have him there since you do not have a good relationship with her

It is more sad that a shower these days has turned in to a battle ground for rude and obnoxious ppl....

I am sorry your family is like that..
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Postby Lita74 » Thu Apr 09, 2009 5:01 pm

i have never heard of the preg momma setting up! wtf!

for my shower on dh's side, they are throwing a combined baby shower for myself and his cousin. her baby will be born before the shower. should be interesting - have never been to a double shower...like the idea that not all attention is focussed on me!

his fam ususally has the women do games and pressies, with all the men in the fam in the basement or outside. once it is food time, everyone joins together to eat.

good luck!
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Postby LaurenAshley » Thu Apr 09, 2009 6:45 pm

Lita74 wrote:i have never heard of the preg momma setting up! wtf!

for my shower on dh's side, they are throwing a combined baby shower for myself and his cousin. her baby will be born before the shower. should be interesting - have never been to a double shower...like the idea that not all attention is focussed on me!

his fam ususally has the women do games and pressies, with all the men in the fam in the basement or outside. once it is food time, everyone joins together to eat.

good luck!


I had a joint shower with my sister and it was SO much better than alone! I dont like to be the center of attention, so it was nice to have it split!
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Postby Leeza717 » Thu Apr 09, 2009 8:05 pm

DP came to our shower.....we had all girls there too but he didn't seem to mind. but it was also the first time our parents were meeting each other so it definately eased the tension.

but I was really SO relieved he was there. I was very overwhelmed during it, I dont do well with parties in my honor.
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