Two Week Wait

Fourth you ask? Your body is still full of pregnancy hormones as you adjust to life sleep-deprived with your new baby outside your womb.
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feeling depressed =(

Tue Dec 14, 2010 4:55 pm

My baby is 9 days old and I am in a state of depression. =( I KNEW this would happen because I suffer from depression without being post partum.. so this is just escalating it. If I didnt have my husband here at the house all day (he works from home) I dont know what I would do.

I just started taking my prozac 3 days ago because in the beginning (the first week after he was born) I was elated. I felt very happy and bonded with him. And then its like I hit a brick wall. I am feeling SO overwhelmed by this new responsibility and I feel like I want to go back and not do this. =( I feel extremely isolated and alone. My husband made me FINALLY get out of the house last night. I went to the grocery store and it made it worse. I held back tears until I got out to the car to load up my groceries and then I just let it all out. I didnt want to go back home. This is my first child and we tried a LONG time for him so it is so weird to feel this way.. please tell me that this passes.

When will I start enjoying my baby??

Tue Dec 14, 2010 5:06 pm

I'm so sorry your going through this. But many woman feel exactly like you. Your not alone that's for sure. I think you need to make an appt to see your Dr. Do you see a psychiatrist? I'd make an appt. It will make you feel tons better. I think the combo of talking about your feelings and the medication will have this pass. It won't happen overnight though. Hang in there. Be open with your DH if he needs to step in and care for your DS. It's better than you completely falling apart. Some woman get this really bad and put baby is jeaopardy not meaning too. So keep that in mind. It does vary on how long it lasts per individual. The more you talk about what your feeling and get some validation the quicker you will push through it. Don't keep it in. Big hugs!

Tue Dec 28, 2010 9:13 pm

i could have written this post 3 months ago. i felt exactly the same way! i would look at my baby boy & think OMG what did i do!!!? i was scared, nervous, anxious & overwhelmed all at the same time. then add in breastfeeding for the first time & WOW i was in over my head! there were times that i would sit on the side of my bed & just cry b/c i wasnt sure what i was going to do w/ this beautiful little boy that god had given us & that we wanted so much.

but now, my baby boy is 13weeks old & i cant imagine life w/o him. i love him more than words can express. i can't wait to wake up in the morning & see him smile at me.

you need time to get to know him & for him to get to know you. before you know it you will be bonding w/ him & things will be much better. it takes some time & what you are feeling is def not uncommon. just take it day by day & cherish it. pretty soon 3 months have passed, you'll look back & it will all seem so far away.

Wed Dec 29, 2010 4:44 pm

I had PPD with Noland and i felt just like you. I had to get on meds and go to therapy. I too always had issues with anxiety and depression even b4 i had him but once i had him it got so bad. It could also be hormones. But talk to your doc please! Good luck.

Thu Dec 30, 2010 11:46 am

i had sever ppd with dd1, so bad i was admitted into the hospital for a watch. All i did was curl into a ball on the floor and sob for hours, i didnt want her. I BEGGED MY MOTHER (i was 19 at the time) to put her up for adoption. I wanted to go back in time and redo it all and not have her. I hated myself for bringing her into this world and not loving her. It took me a long time to finally admit that i needed help and my mom took me to the ER. I got meds for depression and anxiety and went to talk therapy for years. Sadly, because i waited so long, it destroyed my relationship with Ashtyn. I never bonded with her like i should have and to this day we still butt heads on everything. What i went through wasnt the normal "baby blues" or even classic "ppd", mine was borderline postpartum psychosis. They said it was because i waited so long and it escelated. please, see someone. Anyone. Your OB, your primary care dr, or even the staff at the ER.

On that note, what u are feeling is quite common. baby blues affects 80% of women, and ppd affects 20% of that 80%. (i wrote a 20 pg term paper on the subject). Meds and talking WILL help! Before you know it you will be bonding with baby and feeling much better. I learned from what happened with my first child and knew how to avoid it with each consecutive child. Best of luck. Everything will be ok. Its ok to cry. Its ok to feel how you feel. Take a deep breath and repeat after me "what i am feeling is normal. This too shall pass". *hugs*

Sun Jan 02, 2011 11:43 am

I HATED my life for the first several weeks. I resented my babies! I didn't have patience with them... and I just wanted them gone! I wanted to get out of the house and away from them as much as I could. I feel terrible that I felt that way... but that's what I was feeling. :? I went to the docs office about 1 week after they were born because even before they were here, I had EXTREME anxiety! I felt like I couldn't breathe. They put me on Zoloft 50 mg, but after 6 weeks, I didn't feel any differently. So, back to the doc I went again. They upped my dose to 100mg, and 2 weeks later... I felt like a normal human being! I am happy! I love my babies! I love my toddler! I love my husband! I feel soooooooooooooooooooooo much better! Not sure how long I'll stay on the drugs, but THANK GOODNESS for them!!! Hope you start feeling better soon. It's rough! (((HUGS)))

Wed Jan 05, 2011 3:07 am

Also wanted to add-- PPD is common in women who took a long time TTC... It's kind of like a let down - "After all that, this is what I get? No sleep and lots of stress?" it's pretty common. Hang in and take the meds!

Mon Jan 24, 2011 1:12 am

I'm so sorry you feel that way but I know exactly how you feel. I'm glad you noticed it early, I didn't until 5 months PP. It'll get better! Hang in there, mama. God has blessed you with a beautiful baby! :)

Sun Mar 06, 2011 5:43 pm

Wow!! I can't believe that it was almost 3 months ago that I wrote that original post! Since then, I have come back to this board and read the different replies over the weeks but I never replied back! I see that there have been quite a few ladies who have viewed this post so I wanted to come back and update on how things turned out for us... Hopefully it will help somebody else who may be going through the same thing in the future!

First of all.. thanks to everyone who replied! It truly helped me! If it wasnt for all of your very kind responses, my friends, family, God, and medication (prozac) I may not be here to write this post right now.

There were times in the first 6-8 weeks that my husband would hide the gun that we keep in our house from me, he was afraid I would hurt myself! It was scary. I would drive places and not even bother putting my seatbelt on because I honestly did not care if somebody hit me and killed me. I would sit and cry a.lot. !! There were times that I didnt want to look at or talk to my son at all. I just wanted to disappear from the world. I was told that I had post partum depression.. but to tell you the truth.. I dont think I had depression. I think I had post partum psychosis! I had some WEIRD thoughts going on in my head in the weeks following his birth.

But, I'm so happy and thankful that I can sit here 3 months later and say that I feel sooooo much better and I absolutely LOVE being a mommy to my sweet little baby boy!! Everybody told me that it would get better as the weeks go by and that I would bond with him soon. Of course, in my sleep deprived/newborn foggy brain, I didnt believe any of it... but it really WAS the truth.

As I became adjusted to my new life... slowly.. with each passing day, it has just gotten better and better!! I wouldnt want my life to be any other way than the way it is right now. When he smiles or giggles at me, my whole world completey stops and he is the only thing that matters! I had always heard women talk about that "love at first sight" electrifying moment when you hold your new baby for the first time.... well, that wasnt the case for me! Instead, I felt like I was holding a stranger who was fixing to completely take over my life... and I really did not want him to!! :?

So... if anyone is reading this and going through a similiar situation, please:

1. get immediate help from a doctor

2. make sure to have somebody help you take care of your baby during this time

3. and trust me when I say that it WILL get better. It won't just get better... it will get great! =)

Here's my personal email if anyone ever needs to talk to someone who's been there before:

And I also want to put a link to a blog post that I read during my hardest days as a new mommy! (the comments to the posts are really good to read as well!) ... %20mommies

God bless!!! xoxo
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