Resentment?

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Resentment?

Postby memphismomma » Tue Nov 15, 2011 7:08 pm

I'm a stay at home mom. I was a hair stylist with a large clientelle and I loved my job. After I had my son two years ago my boss was kind enough to let me come and go as I please. I worked 4 hours a week. Then my husbands job transferred us out of state. We went to Texas where I knew no one, had to give up my job, stayed at home with the baby and my husband worked sun up to sun down. I hated him. I felt like he took away everything I had. My career, my family, my friends. The problem is that I shouldn't feel that way because he was doing it for our family. He was working hard to make money for us. We have since moved closer to home and we are doing better (and i'm 9 months pregnant) so I'm not sure if its the hormones or what but i hate that his life seems to continue and mine is at a stand still watching mickey mouse everyday with my son. I have no friends, I have no one to talk to because most my old friends don't have kids yet and they go to the bar all the time. My husband is going on a guys trip this weekend to a football game out of state and i find my self extemely jealous, because I will be sitting here pregnant and with our son like every other day of the week.
Is something wrong with me and how do I fix this? I want my husband to be stuck with the kids for once or to atleast feel like he is. I love staying home with my son, I just hate that my husbands life goes on like before he had kids and mine is totally changed.
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Postby monkeysauce » Wed Nov 16, 2011 7:01 am

A thought that helps me is that there are "seasons" in your life. No season is permanent, and each one has joys and drawbacks. Part of this season of having small children is that, yeah, a lot of other things you liked about life are now on hold.

But you have little kids. You have an adorable little boy and you're about to have a precious newborn. Enjoy them.

Also, get out of the house whenever you can, and claim some "me" time in every day and in every week. If husband isn't on board with this, get him on board. Let him know how serious it is. Let him know that you need half an hour alone at the end of the day. Let him know that you NEED to get out of the house by yourself for a few hours on the weekends. This isn't negotiable. This isn't indulgent. This is absolutely necessary for your mental health, your ability to parent, and your marriage.
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Postby tahnah » Wed Nov 16, 2011 7:36 am

[/quote]Also, get out of the house whenever you can, and claim some "me" time in every day and in every week. If husband isn't on board with this, get him on board. Let him know how serious it is. Let him know that you need half an hour alone at the end of the day. Let him know that you NEED to get out of the house by yourself for a few hours on the weekends. This isn't negotiable. This isn't indulgent. This is absolutely necessary for your mental health, your ability to parent, and your marriage.[/quote]

This. He needs to understand how important some time, any time is away from the kids. I too have moved to a new area and have no friends here. Fortunately, I'm close enough to home to visit. But I have no babysitters, no daycare, etc up here. If there is a hobby you like, like handwork or sewing or quilting, or even to just volunteer for something, it would get you out to meet people. My mom even told me to try going to church.

So far I haven't met anyone that I've become friends with, but I'll get there. I have just gone through the toddler +new baby stage. I felt even more stuck at home at first and now things are starting to even back out (DS2 is 3 months).

Good luck and I hope you can find balance!
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Postby NotBarbaraBush » Wed Nov 16, 2011 10:21 am

You need to get out there. Meet other moms, establish play dates. Make friends. Your husband has zero control over how you spend your time. Find a hobby you like to do (read in the evenings, etc.)
It's hard to find a good balance. :hugs:
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Postby TTCin2010 » Thu Nov 17, 2011 12:33 pm

I feel where you are coming from. My dh was coming and going all the time (at least it felt this way) in the beginning... I had to ask him to limit his outing to once a week and in turn told him that I'd be requiring some girl time too..

You need to get out there.. even if its just to go window shopping for a bit. Everyone needs a break. Plus you should take long showers or baths... My dh complained once about my long showers and I gave him an earful... trust me its worth every min you get of me time.
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Postby stefanielynn » Sat Nov 26, 2011 11:15 pm

BIG hugs. I am a military wife and we are constantly moving, most recently when Dd was only 3 weeks old. I am painfully shy but the hugest difference has been making myself get out there and meet people. at our previous base it was by finding a playgroup. Here it has been by joining a small group at church. I really feel it comes down to you making it happen, even if it's really hard to do so. It may be easier once the baby comes; pregnancy hormones make everything that much harder to get through!
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Postby photofashionista » Thu Dec 08, 2011 1:01 pm

I struggle with those feelings from time to time. When I met DH he begged me to move out of state with him and I had lost my job so I did. Long story short I felt the same way that my life had completely changed while his was still nice and comfy. Now that I have my daughter and while I enjoy staying home with her, it's hard to hear him complain about how stressful his job is. It is a very stressful job, I'm not denying that, but he gets breaks and gets off work early every wednesday to hang out with his friends until midnight or later racing RC cars and hangs out with his Dad on th weekends. I'm glad he has his time but I need my time also. My "job" is 24/7 , esecially since my daughter doesn't sleep, ever! She still wakes every few hours in the night so I feel like I'm running on no sleep all of the time. I'm also pregnant again and I'm sure it's hormones, but I don't feel like I get any sympathy for being pregnant and feeling ran down. My DH is not a bad guy and he does spoil me in his way, but he's still a man and will never understand the cabin fever and pressures that a mother faces every day. Especially during pregnancy.

It really helps to talk with other adults. I joined a women's Bible study and it's so great to put her in class for 2 hours where she gets time away from me and gets to play with other kids, and I get to talk with other adults and feel like my mind is being challenged (in a good way :) ). It's also a great place to make friends that have kids also. We've had a few play dates with like minded women who have the same day to day struggles that I do.

Try to find a mom's group of some sort you can get involved with. meetup.com is a great place to search in your area. Also a hobby is a great outlet! I love photography and I love to craft. If you can set aside a little bit of time a week to persue a hobby you might feel better. Maybe pick one or two naptimes a week to dedicate to your hobby?
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Postby Emmo » Thu Dec 08, 2011 8:22 pm

I totally understand. Did you have your baby? I just had my second and I gotta say... be prepared, it gets worse with the newborn. BUUUUT- I KNOW it will go away and get better. Before I had this second baby, I did all the things everyone mentioned in the PPs (play dates, meet with friends, etc) it really made my life as a SAHM more enjoyable.. So.. I know as soon as things settle down with the new one, life will be easier again as long as I am taking care of myself and reminding myself that it is a season (thanks for that thought monkeysauce! you are right!)
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Re: Resentment?

Postby bevlin761 » Thu Dec 12, 2013 6:55 am

He needs to understand how important some time, any time is away from the kids. I too have moved to a new area and have no friends here. Fortunately, I'm close enough to home to visit. But I have no babysitters, no daycare, etc up here. If there is a hobby you like, like handwork or sewing or quilting, or even to just volunteer for something, it would get you out to meet people.
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