Difficulty in social situations....

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Difficulty in social situations....

Postby nurugger13 » Thu Jul 07, 2011 3:20 pm

Hi,

DS is 26 months old. He is currently an only child. I am pregnant and due end of September. He has a vast vocabulary and has been talking for a long time-he'll put together 5-6 word sentences and has a great understanding of concepts. He actually never stops talking :lol:

I think I often compare him to my friends kids-which I know I shouldn't do. They are 5-6 months older than DS is so development-wise that can be a big deal. In social situations my DS is so clingy!! When we have playdates, typically at my friends' houses, he sticks to me like glue and then he might go grab a toy but brings it back to where I am and just wants to play with it by me. He will eventually go play near the kids-often he doesn't interact with them. Mostly parallel play. He will interact if I prompt him to hand a toy to someone. He won't stand up for himself if someone pushes him or grabs a toy from him. He often breaks into hysterics if someone grabs something from him. He also has a very difficult time sharing-which I'm guessing comes from not having to share his toys at the moment. He also gets very upset if he was using a toy and then leaves it and another kid goes to play with that toy. I try to put him in social situations when I can-do playdates, join playgroups. He goes to a home daycare 3 days/week with only one other child around the same age. The babysitter says they get along great!

I'm just wondering if there is truly a delay in social skills or is it because he is just a little over 2 and I'm comparing him to peers who are a lot older??? Should I not push him so much?? I don't know.....you would think being a former preschool teacher I would know what to do but it's so hard when it's your own child. I'm sure things are going to change once there's a new baby in the house. TIA for any advice :D
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Postby victoria_1024 » Fri Jul 08, 2011 2:06 pm

Sounds pretty typical to me. Jackson's about a month older and he plays similar to that. Today we went to interview a daycare provider, and at first he stayed right by us while we talked to the provider and clung to daddy. Then after a while and some encouragement he went to play with some of the toys. He didn't play with any of the kids. When a little girl went on a swing that he had been on earlier, he got really upset and cried.

If he's more comfortable, he will want to "play with" other kids but that normally means just playing by them, or with his cousin they kind of run back and forth together laughing but not really playing. He also doesn't have a lot of exposure to other children, except his cousins and once a week we did a mommy/toddler class, but he's in our home most of the time.

My mom is a preschool teacher and she says sometimes there are 3 year olds in her classroom who still parallel play, so I wouldn't say Braden is behind. :)
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Postby Merdy » Sat Jul 09, 2011 7:17 pm

My DS (35 months) is similar but probably worse in social situations. If we're around adults, he ok. In fact, there are 4 of us(me and 3 grandmas) who have been hanging out since all 4 boys were about 10 months old. Tucker would rather play with the adults. He talks to the grandmas all the time and only wants to play with them and me. He hardly ever talks to the other boys. In sunday school, he follows his teacher around everywhere and won't play with the toys. We plan on starting 3yo preschool this fall. It's going to be a tough adjustment.
As far as speech, his vocabulary really jumped around 29 months.
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Postby oktober84 » Fri Jul 22, 2011 7:32 am

This is very typical of a toddler especially like you said one who is an only child. Each toddler goes through many different social stages. One moment they may be socially displaced the next they may be social butterflies. As they begin to learn their basic social motor skills they will test the waters more when it comes to their peers. Opting in the begining to play alone rather then with another child but only because even tho we dont realize it as mothers they quiet often are observing other children and their reactions to certain situations. Once they feel confident and that is the key word here, confident in their abilities to communicate and demonstrate what it is exactly that they want or need from their peers they will begin to socialize a lot more with less negativity.

Look at it from this perspective. Lets say you are in a grocery store and there is a sale going on for your favorite cooking item and you are hesitant to buy it because of your budget and just as you are about to buy that item someone else snatches it before you. Does it make you angry? This is very similar to the toy incident. Even tho the toy is not in his hand in the back of his mind he is indecisive about if he wants to play with it but once that choice is taken away it angers him thus causing him to act out inappropriately.

As he gets older and begins to understand the logistics of what is happening he will better handle these situations when they come up. In short nothing is wrong he is perfectly normal and the best thing for you to do is continue to put him in social surroundings so that he may learn how to handle these situations.
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Postby Emmo » Mon Aug 01, 2011 6:43 am

Sounds like my son! He's gotten better about the clingy thing, though. I'm not sure why. But maybe he's growing out of it. I've just always heard not to force it b/c it will only make them more anxious. Make sure they have a lot of support and encouragement and feel safe when they leave your leg (lol).
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Postby shermy » Sat Aug 13, 2011 8:00 pm

Just from the outside looking in, does it have anything to do with you being present?

Wes is WAY more reserved and much more sensitive when I am around.
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Postby desies » Mon Aug 15, 2011 4:05 pm

Sounds like my son as well, although he's only 18.5 months so he has a bit to go still. I agree with PP as well. I was reading the other day that most toddlers will parallel play until 2 1/2 - 3 yrs of age. My LO is not a big fan of the playground scene and would rather interact with adults. He is also an only child, but only for a few weeks longer. I think he prefers adult company because that is what he is used to at home. He also craves learning opportunities and I think interacting with adults gives him more of that. DS was also in a dayhome 3x week with 5 or 6 boys ranging 20 months-5yrs and he did perfectly fine with them.
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