where to begin?

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where to begin?

Postby MaddieG » Fri Jun 19, 2009 7:30 am

i am just dealing with the end of fertility treatments and inablility to conceive.. but am not ready to give up on being a parent. so where do i start?
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Postby SoCaliMom » Thu Jun 25, 2009 11:45 pm

Hi Maddie,
It's hard to know where to begin! I'd say your best bet is to start researching adoption online, or at the library. You probably will have gut feelings on whether you want to adopt domestically or internationally, open or closed adoption, etc. Start thinking of your budget, and how long you feel comfortable waiting for a child (I know, you want the baby YESTERDAY!). If you know anyone who has adopted, see if you can ask them what they liked/didn't like about their experience. Also, brush up on your finances, criminal records, and home improvements (they really do look at everything!). Once you take these kinds of things into consideration, I think your method of adopting will start to become clear to you. On the ttc side, we have an adoption buddy group, with people adopting in almost every possible way! I'd be happy to answer questions for you, too. Feel free to ask anything you'd like to know--I adopted a son from South Korea and had a very positive experience. So positive, in fact, that we're gearing up to do it again! Most important, try to separate it somehow from the infertility trauma. Adopting will NOT totally resolve your feelings on infertility, believe me. Try to reconcile these as you search for the adoption plan that works for you. Good luck! :) Tracy
Tracy (32), DH (32), DS (10), DS (2)
Blocked tubes~Mom to #2 through adoption

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Postby tridreamin » Thu Jun 24, 2010 5:40 am

MaddieG - I am in the same boat as you. I am 44 and just finished up with fertility treatments. I am in the process of trying to reconcile the thought of not being able to conceive & carry a child. Just wanted to let you know I understand.

DH & I have always talked about adoption so we are moving onto this option. DH is taking the responsibility of doing all the legwork (since I did all the research for the fertility treatments). (1) this helps alleviate the pressure that I feel to take on the research burden (2) this gives me the time to grieve & mourn the loss of my ability to get pregnant & carry a pregnancy.

In terms of where to start, try this site: http://www.childbirthsolutions.com/articles/preconception/adoption/index.php

Read up on the overwhelming plethora of information about adoption out there. But the gist is what SoCaliMom said. Best of luck!
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Postby laurens21 » Fri Jul 09, 2010 2:58 pm

I agree with above posters! They gave great advice. I would read as much as you can on the topic and then decide which route you want to pursue. We adopted internationally from China and if we had the funds I would go back in a heartbeat. I know the international route isn't for everyone, but we had a very positive, wonderful experience!
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Postby Shoupnbaby » Mon Nov 15, 2010 9:11 pm

our family is looking at adoption through foster care. it is inexpensive, in fact almost no cost for the adoption itself. it is amazing to do foster care. though i have read that if you are desperate to become a parent, it may not work well for you. as you can have a child for years and then the child could leave your home..... but as we hope... our child may stay!! you can also learn all about them from their current placement, and possibly have them stay with you for a weekend to see if you want to give it a go or not. If my child stays or gos, each day is a honor to be his mother.
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