The Babymakers #6

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Re: The Babymakers #6

Postby Clairebear » Sun Jul 20, 2014 10:31 pm

Thanks darl,

I've been asking myself the same questions...
But yes before I knew about the other man's feelings I was laying in bed next to DP, looking up things online about how to decide if its time to leave.. And I think the fact that I'm asking that says a lot..
I still love DP.. But there is so much pain and distrust between us, he never pulls his weight with the girls or the housework, and I've seen alot of traits in him that I am not ok with recently.. He's become someone I don't like.. I don't want stealing and drugs around my girls, he's secretive and lies and disrespects me.. I just don't think we can recover from here..

It will be heart breaking for us all, but I think it has to be done.. Even if he changed, I think there is just too much hurt in the history..
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Re: The Babymakers #6

Postby Bouvgirl » Mon Jul 21, 2014 12:06 am

Sounds like you've made your decision. Hope you're okay xx
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Re: The Babymakers #6

Postby Clairebear » Mon Jul 21, 2014 12:14 am

I'm not really ok.. I never thought the day would come that I'd give up and walk away.. But I don't think I can live like this anymore.. But I also don't know how to go about it with DP.. He has no idea it's coming and it will completely crush him..
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Re: The Babymakers #6

Postby h0ping » Tue Jul 22, 2014 12:11 pm

Claire I am soooo sorry about everything going on. But I really think if you are not happy and you are questioning your relationship then you know your answer. My ex was abusive but also drank way to much and did things I was not ok with --- I got out when I did because of Frankie. I didn't want him around / remembering those things......I'm sorry this is on your plate right now :( I'll send you a message with my email - I am available anytime (I don't always get a chance to check in here!)

Mash - fingers crosses for you!!!!

How is everyone else doing????
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Re: The Babymakers #6

Postby kiwifaire » Tue Jul 22, 2014 6:34 pm

Claire,

It sounds like you are making the best decision for you and your girls. Good on you. It may be tough now but making the move is the hardest part. Keep us posted!

As for me.... I am tired.
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Re: The Babymakers #6

Postby Clairebear » Wed Jul 23, 2014 8:52 am

Thanks ladies.. I spoke to MIL today about DP.. She said everything I needed to hear, I think it's right to walk away, but MIL wants to come over tomorrow to talk to DP with me n see if there's any hope.. Ill let her, but I think I've given up already if I'm honest..
Went to visit my friend today too, 'the other man' I guess...
I couldn't stop smiling, I was so relaxed and happy there, i adore him, and when he hugged me it was like all the pain dissapeared .... Honestly it's like I'm totally smitten with him... But I do still have love for DP....

Urghhh why does life have to be so complicated
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Re: The Babymakers #6

Postby Clairebear » Fri Jul 25, 2014 6:31 am

Ok quick update- so MIL somehow convinced me to agree to one month.. DP has a month to so a 360, no drugs, no contact with addicts or dealers, no stealing or holding stolen goods, doing what I ask of him and pulling his weight with the housework, and treating me like I matter.... And he has to go to counseling - drug/alcohol and with me to couples sessions

I don't have high hopes but I will give it one last shot, for the girls and for our family, because I do still have love for DP and would love the girls to have both biological parents together growing up..

The other guy is being great about it :-) says hes proud of me, I'm doing the right thing, and he's not going anywhere - he will be there for me regardless of whether or not I stay with DP..
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Re: The Babymakers #6

Postby Bouvgirl » Sat Jul 26, 2014 11:07 am

Hi Claire,
Thanks for keeping us updated. It sounds like an idea to do the month thing - but I agree with you that even if he manages to tow the line during that time, I'm not sure a month will prove much to you. At least you will feel like you did everything you possibly could, especially for the sake of your girls. Sorry if I sound like I'm second guessing things (and being negative). I guess I just don't have much faith that people can change that easily... Here's hoping he does though.

Maybe the other guy is happy to hang on as he thinks it won't work out (with DP) and he knows you'll probably feel better about it all if you gave it your best shot? Either way, it's nice that he's being supportive.

Krissie - lovely to hear from you :) I often wonder how you and your boys are doing :D Eli has suddenly started pointing at things this week and we think he knows how to count to 5 but he can only say the vowels of the words lol! Unfortunately he's not well today (some viral thing, I think) so he was off to bed early this evening. Otherwise we're doing okay. Living with my parents until our house is ready in November. It's going okay but I can't wait to have our own space again! Also no contact with DH's parents (thank goodness!) I don't think he'll hear from them again. The next thing will be Eli's birthday - we'll see what game they play then...

How is everyone else?
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Re: The Babymakers #6

Postby kiwifaire » Sat Jul 26, 2014 1:16 pm

Good Luck Claire---- either way!

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Re: The Babymakers #6

Postby Bouvgirl » Sun Jul 27, 2014 12:23 am

Love the photos!!
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Re: The Babymakers #6

Postby Clairebear » Sun Jul 27, 2014 2:43 pm

Adorable pics! Will add some of my girls one day soon I promise!!
Less than 2 weeks til charley turns 2!!! Not doing anything big for it probably just lunch with some family at a local club.

Rach, don't worry I completely understand what u mean. It's my way of thinking too.

Not much to report at the moment will update again soon
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Re: The Babymakers #6

Postby h0ping » Sun Jul 27, 2014 6:35 pm

LOVE LOVE LOVE the photos!!!!!!!!

Claire I would have to agree with Rachel - good luck in the up coming month but again is a month going to show you everything you need? I guess if DP does better than maybe its a start?? And if he can't atleast start to improve then..........well I think you'll have your answer and you will know (for sure) you did everything possible! Good luck and email me anytime (did you get my message?)

Rachel good to hear from you too! I think of you and Eli always! Glad no contact from DH's parents what a relief huh??

Sorry only had a few minutes!
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Re: The Babymakers #6

Postby Bouvgirl » Mon Jul 28, 2014 4:55 am

Hey Krissie - I love the reply even if it's only quick! I know what it's like trying to get time - I think Eli is starting to cut back on his daytime nap. He's not been going to sleep until 1pm this week and I have to get him up by 2pm or else he doesn't go to sleep until too late at night. Thankfully he'll play with a toy in his cot for a while so I got him into bed at 1230 today in order to get some of the housework done! How are things with your job? I'm back to work tomorrow after a week off. It was bliss but now I don't know when we're next off work as I'll be changing jobs at the start of September. I seem to remember you changed job at one point? Or was it that you were thinking about it but never did in the end? Sorry, memory isn't too hot since I had a baby lol!

Claire - how are things going?

Right, I'm off to get some stuff done.
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Re: The Babymakers #6

Postby Clairebear » Mon Jul 28, 2014 7:13 am

Umm ok so DP is kind of trying.. He's paying me more attention and helping with the girls more, but when it comes to housework etc hes still sleeping til afternoon and hasn't done any cleaning without inviting a mate (addicts) to come and help him. We are butting heads on some stolen goods he seems to think he can keep, the fact he keeps letting these users into the house after it was his suggestion that they not come over, and of course the sleeping half the day away.

I'm torn, in his eyes he's trying hard, but as far as I'm concerned he still needs to step it up. And then of course there's still the issues, hurt & broken trust of all the past events... And if course, the friend/other man..

I feel like I'm falling for this man more and more.. I had to drop some things off to him yesterday, I just ran upto the door to drop them off, the girls were asleep in the car and I had to get them home for dinner. He invited me in as his housemate wanted to thank me for dropping stuff off.. I only stayed for a minute but when he hugged me as I was leaving, he stole a kiss! It was not uninvited though, I could feel my eyes encouraging it.. He's not soley to blame. Thing was, it was really really nice, it felt right... And things with DP have felt uneasy for a while.

DP texted me when I was out with a girlfriend earlier yesterday, it just said 'I love you' .. And I actually didnt know what to say.. I didnt want to reply... My instinct was to say thanks or ok, not ' I love you too ' ... In the end I managed a 'U2'

I have counseling in a few days, just a solo session, really hoping I can sort my head out. I still care about DP and really really REALLY don't want to hurt him, but I have very strong feelings for the other man.. And he and I share the same values & parenting styles..
I guess i don't even know what I want anymore.. But I think if I was still completely in love with DP, I wouldn't have feelings for the other the way that I do..

I'm probably talking in circles here by now, it's after midnight, I've got a shocking headache and joss is cutting her first tooth & being a demon about it.
Ill leave it there for tonight, time for joss to go to bed, I hope lol I've put her to bed about 20 times already tonight .. Ugh .. Wish me luck

Sorry to vent & run but I'm exhausted
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Re: The Babymakers #6

Postby Clairebear » Mon Jul 28, 2014 7:13 am

And yes Krissy thanks I got your message :-)
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