does this bother anyone else?

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does this bother anyone else?

Postby megan6912 » Thu Apr 25, 2013 6:56 pm

When people say they are ttc twins or how they want twins so bad. It grinds on my nerves!! Here I am trying as hard as I can to keep my two babies alive, drinking protein drinks like my life depends on it and freaking out about TTTS and preterm labor and researching good nicu's and trying so hard not to fall in love with these babies cause I'm so scared I'm going to lose them and someone wants to try to put themselves in my situation. Yes twins may be amazing oncw they are born but attempting to keep them alive till then is so stressful!! And no one understands because most people only knows the risks of di di pregnancy, but no one but twin moms know about modi or momo cause if they did they would think twice about wanting those adorable identical twins that they can dress alike. Two moms in my modi support group lost their babies yesterday due to TTTS and three weeks ago it was three moms so I'm having a really hard time dealing right now. Sorry for the outburst but I can't say this on the modi support group since emotions are high there with all the losses and I knew you ladies would understand.
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Re: does this bother anyone else?

Postby imdesired » Thu Apr 25, 2013 9:32 pm

Oh yeah, and WAY worse after you have them. :) Twins are the hardest thing we've ever done, you'll almost wonder why people would want two infants at the same time. ;)

It's all good though - you really do get used to the stupid comments.
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Re: does this bother anyone else?

Postby buggie » Fri Apr 26, 2013 4:23 am

And people make the stupid comments at the weirdest times too. I was unloading babies from the stroller into the car once (which is not difficult and I wasn't struggling), and some woman in the parking lot was all "I can't believe I wanted twins at one point!!!" It was just so weird because all I could think is "this is the EASY part lady!"

I'm so sorry for the losses in your other group. Much like mamas of full term babies don't really understand the preemie thing, mamas of singletons don't get what it's like to be pregnant with or have twins. And didi moms don't get the momo thing with it's risks.
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Re: does this bother anyone else?

Postby bakermommy » Fri Apr 26, 2013 7:25 am

I don't have much to say to help with your frustration, but the comments do always amuse me. For most of us twins came as a result of infertility. When they make those comments it's like really? I didn't know twins were that easy to conceive? It's almost like they think it's an option. Like this time when I get pregnant I think I"ll have twins lol. I mean in reality of my situation it was sort of an option because we chose to transfer two eggs, but my goal then was to just get pregnant. Then when I found out it was twins the goal was to keep them alive and you're right you do worry non stop about it. Unlike singleton pregnancies you spend your time having to prepare yourself for an early birth, early bedrest, etc.......... Then when they come you have two in diapers, double daycare, double carseats, yada yada... I absolutely adore the fact that I am blessed with twins, but I do sometimes wish people could really understand what it is like. (the hard parts anyway). Hang in there and try to just smile and move on.
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Re: does this bother anyone else?

Postby JADE0199 » Fri Apr 26, 2013 11:38 am

Megan - I totally understand where you are coming from. People said all kinds of stupid things to me. and still do. you just have to shrug it off and look the other way, or seriously, say how you really feel. People are clueless when it comes to identical twinning, let alone twins itself. When I start talking about what I went through with my boys, and their diagnosis of TTTS Stage I, I can easily tell who are the ones that are actually interested, bored, or lost and actually walk away from me. ha ha. And I really dislike the people who WISH me to have another set of identical twins (I guess mono/di, who knows?) again, or worse yet, triplets. Don't they even know how hard it is to carry and take care of two babies at once?!?!? of course not. again....clueless.

When I was pg with my id boys, I was still working as an Art Director. A (younger) girl that I worked with told me she knew someone that had her baby at 20 weeks! And that he was a perfectly fine 5 year old. Really?!? seriously. 20 weeks. isn't that pushing things a bit too far and is that comment supposed to make me feel better at 22 weeks pregnant after 2 years of infertility, 4 miscarriages, 3 IVF cycles and donor eggs and a Stage I TTTS diagnosis.

clueless person #2

I'm so sorry about the losses your group has been going through. its very sad and scary. Carrying identical twins is a very rocky journey but it can end as a very happy one. Hang in there. your doing all the right things. If you ever want to talk, I check in pretty often.

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Re: does this bother anyone else?

Postby megan6912 » Fri Apr 26, 2013 11:56 am

Cathy- how did you handle the ttts? Did you need surgery?
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Re: does this bother anyone else?

Postby JADE0199 » Fri Apr 26, 2013 2:59 pm

megan - the MFM dx the boys at 22 weeks with Stage I. That is the earliest stage and when the amniotic fluid is >8 and the donor baby is <2. We were transferred to Dr Quintero, the pioneer of the surgery, who was at Tampa General Hospital at the time. We were evaluated by his medical staff 5 days after the initial diagnosis. In short, were were shocked and devasated getting this news. There is nothing like it when a doctor tells you these words..

"with TTTS. you can take home two babies. You can take home one baby. Or you may not take home any babies".

We were floored and it was just too hard to absorb all this in.

I went to work the following day, it was a Thursday. set up the appointment that day from the office and took the day off of work on Friday and just kept my feet up, drank lots of water and 3 protein drinks that day. I did very minimal activities.

That Monday we went in for a MAJOR 4 hour u/s with Dr Quintero's staff to see if we qualified for the surgery.....

we didn't!

Baby A's amnio went down to 7.5cm and Baby Bs went up to 2.5cm. Literally just enough to get us out of surgery. I continued the same bedrest and minimal activity. Drinking lots of water, 3 protein drinks, kept my feet up and ate healthy meals with lots of protein. And every day, the boys prognosis got better and better getting us further and further away from surgery. Dr Quintero told us at one of our appointments that our boys were telling him they didn't need his surgery and that BAby A raised his blood pressure sending more blood to his twin brother, who was Baby B, the donor baby, at the time.

This positive progress continued and were out of the window for surgery at 26 weeks. We were monitored by his staff until 30 weeks and then were referred over to high risk and OB.

that;s when I believed miracles could happen.
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Re: does this bother anyone else?

Postby babydust2me » Mon Apr 29, 2013 7:18 am

I never understand twin wishers. I had enough trouble carrying my di/di twins and I didn't have the increase risk of TTTS. People are stupid.

The others are right, it doesn't change once they're born. I get a lot of people telling me they wished they had twins. Really? Come to my house around bedtime and see if you still want them. I love my girls more than anything but life would have been way easier had they come one at a time.
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Re: does this bother anyone else?

Postby unaffected » Mon Apr 29, 2013 11:07 am

babydust2me wrote:I never understand twin wishers.



I think people who wish for twins are just naive. Not stupid, not careless, not any other slanderous thing.

I wished for twins. Often times. Watching my friends and family all have babies while we tried and tried for five years... I just wanted to catch up. I often said I'd love to have twins and then just be done, so I never have to go through infertility treatments again.

Now that I've had a baby, and realize just how difficult the newborn phase can be, I no longer wish for twins. I admire twin mamas so much, but I don't think I could do it. I was naive back then. Now I'm not.
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Re: does this bother anyone else?

Postby buggie » Mon Apr 29, 2013 2:32 pm

I wanted twins and I'm still glad I had twins (obviously we all are glad for our babies, but I mean I am glad I didn't have them one at a time). It was insanely rough with the NICU and having two newborns at home (though I'm sure one baby in the NICU and one newborn at home is also very rough), but right now I constantly think about how it's got to be easier to have two 16 month olds than one. Mine entertain each other most of the day.

But I do think that I have and have had the easiest babies to ever exist. Other than their reflux, they have always been good night sleepers and easy nappers. And they came home on that 3 hour NICU schedule from which they did not ever deviate (cept for every so often when Beckett's doctor wanted him fed every 1.5 hours during the day for his reflux).
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Re: does this bother anyone else?

Postby hazelbazel » Mon Apr 29, 2013 8:02 pm

i was also a twin wisher! Even after having 2 babies 22 months apart. I knew this was our last try and i had reservations about having an odd bummer of kids and one sex being outnumbered by the other...or the baby getting left out. I've never admitted this to anyone but one night i actually prayed to God that I'd have twins if i was to get pregnant again. Then i had a few twin dreams. So later once i did become pregnant and found out the news i never felt so humbled in my life. I am not a really religious person but i do have a lot of faith... i believe and always will believe that God answered my prayer for some reason. Esp because although i was on clomid odds were certainly against it.

Anyway sorry to get off topic a bit but i guess i just felt like sharing. I know it will be hard but i think twins are a unique and remarkable blessing and will certainly always feel like God blessed my family.

ETA: this its not to say i disagree with your feeling s Meg! You are certainly on a tougher situation than me and losing those nannies inn your other group must NE awful
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Re: does this bother anyone else?

Postby hazelbazel » Mon Apr 29, 2013 8:11 pm

Ok. I hate typing from my phone! Sorry! Losing those babies would be hard to deal with no doubt. I'm sorry things are stressful for youand feel fee to share anything with us any time !
DS conceived after many rounds of clomid, 5 IUI's and a vericocele repair- born 4/1/08
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Re: does this bother anyone else?

Postby imdesired » Tue Apr 30, 2013 10:39 am

Oh, don't get me wrong, I also wished for twins. ;)

It isn't until you do something that you truly know how it is. I think a lot of us probably wouldn't have minded twins - I think a lot of people think it's pretty darn cool (me included) But, it wasn't until they were born, and we had the hardest year of our lives that I truly now wonder why people would want two infants. But, having wished for them myself, I know... I do sit back though and think how hard people are in for when they announce a twin pg.
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Re: does this bother anyone else?

Postby megan6912 » Fri May 03, 2013 11:21 am

I always wanted twins. I wanted identical boys and then a set of identical girls. I was completely naive. I had no clue how hard a twin pregnancy was, how high risk an identical pregnancy was, and how hard it was to raise a newborn let alone 2 newborns. I'm probably being very naive right now when it comes to after delivery, but I am under the assumption that things will get easier emotionally once they are here because I won't have to worry about them dying at any time while I'm pregnant and me not knowing. I just don't think people realize the stress involved with twins. At least with my DS, once I hit 12 weeks I could celebrate and relax a little. This time all I can think is "Oh great, now if something happens I will have to actually deliver". I am soooooo thankful for my babies though. It will be an experience that not many people get to have and God chose me to raise these babies. I'm trying so hard to stop thinking of the negatives. It's not easy though. It makes it so hard to smile and nod whenever someone mentions how they want twins cause I know how hard the pregnancy is, and I'm not even halfway done yet. I'm sure it only gets worse.
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Re: does this bother anyone else?

Postby babydust2me » Mon May 06, 2013 4:29 am

megan6912 wrote:I'm probably being very naive right now when it comes to after delivery, but I am under the assumption that things will get easier emotionally once they are here because I won't have to worry about them dying at any time while I'm pregnant and me not knowing. I just don't think people realize the stress involved with twins. At least with my DS, once I hit 12 weeks I could celebrate and relax a little. This time all I can think is "Oh great, now if something happens I will have to actually deliver". I am soooooo thankful for my babies though.


I had di/di twins so they were lower risk but I was so paranoid the whole pregnancy that I'd show up at my next u/s and one or both babies would no longer have a heartbeat. Even when they were in the NICU, the worry was so much less! You still worry about the babies as I'm sure you did with your DS but it's not the same worry.
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