Husbands?

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Husbands?

Postby hazelbazel » Mon Sep 16, 2013 9:31 pm

So I figured I'd just throw this out there to see what you all have experienced. For us, with each of my 3 pregnancies our relationship has just all but dissolved by the time the babies are born and by the time they are here we are just at each other like you wouldn't believe. With the first 2 pregnancies we ended up I couples counseling and we are not far from it again. However the difference is that the last 2 times I had bad ppd and I really think that once I got that under control we were much better. This time though I don't have it. And yes, I'm sure....I've stayed on medicine throughout and feel superb good. A nyway, theothere difference is that my husband has admittedly been very stressed to the point of seeking out a therapist of his own. He's so stressed that every little thing I do, or don't do, he freaks out on me. I mean seriously judges and criticizes every little thing I do. I'm going mad with it and have tried talking so many times and he just doesn't see it. Tonight I ended up hurling my computer across the room. I just exploded. Not good, but totally so mad and full of rage over him not listening and continuing to put me down that I couldn't help myself. So now I siting here wondering if this is just another phase we are in because we have new babies again? Or if there's something seriously wrong with him, me or us? Argh. I have a feeling we will. R seeing another counselor in our near future.

What have you guys experienced?
DS conceived after many rounds of clomid, 5 IUI's and a vericocele repair- born 4/1/08
DD conceived naturally first try! - born 1/29/10
Boy/Girl Twins! Conceived after 3 months of trying, BFP month was a clomid cycle- born 7/8/13
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Re: Husbands?

Postby Sgtfish129 » Tue Sep 17, 2013 4:30 am

Lurking....
I have been there many times...usually due to the difficulties in having a "blended" family. So many times things have been extremely rocky. This is what I have been told from a woman who I respect and trust very much-keep on LOVING him. Even if you have to fake it for a while. Focus on you and what you need to change to make things better, without telling him what he needs to change. It is very easy for us to point out their faults~which they do have! He will see the difference in you after a while and he will wonder why you are being so nice to him, consistently. It WILL be hard to do-especially if you are like me and feel like you need to get everything off your chest and snap at him. The movie "Fireproof" is GREAT(in my opinion) and it really can help put things into some prospective for you both. This is all just my opinion, from someone who has gotten advice and seen it work. Just be everything you know he fell in love with you for. If he is mean for a while even though you are being nice...Don't Give Up! Eventually he will see how loving you are being and he will then treat you the way you want and need/deserve to be treated by him. Just my thoughts :)
Praying for you guys!
Me-31, DH-39, DS-13, DSS-7, DS-14months
IUI#1: BFP-Feb 2012 m/c @ 10 weeks :(
IUI#2:june 2013-BFN
IUI#3:august 2013-BFN
IVF#1:BFP!!!!1ST BETA @11dp3dt- 192. 2nd BETA @13dp3dt-469!

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Re: Husbands?

Postby buggie » Tue Sep 17, 2013 5:03 am

I think kids, especially new ones and more especially multiple new ones, = stress. And I know that our relationship has really taken a back seat to the kids, for 2 years now. Thankfully we are both really laid back about things and don't really argue much and when we do, we let it go and get over it quickly. But we never have time to ourselves, we never go out alone together, we rarely discuss anything other than the boys, and because I have two toddlers hanging on me all day, everyday I rarely even want anyone else to touch me. It's hard.

Hopefully your husband will be able to work some stuff out with a therapist. If he's that stressed over every thing you do, he needs to find a way to deal with that that doesn't add extra stress to you. Therapy can be a great thing, I hope it works for both of you. Good luck :)
Robyn
IVF #1: Twins!
TWIN BOYS Emmett and Beckett arrived at 29w2d!
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Re: Husbands?

Postby babydust2me » Wed Sep 18, 2013 7:03 am

I was totally unprepared for the change in DH and I's relationship when my girls were born. We didn't fight a lot but it was almost like we were just roomates for a while. New babies are stressful without PPD. The lack of sleep and added stress is just hard. DH actually wound up getting on Lexapro because he was angry a lot. Once the girls started STTN things started to get back to normal - or our new normal with kids. I don't think it would hurt for DH (or you) to do some therapy if you feel you need it. :hugs:
Cassidy (29) DH (30) TTC#1 since Oct 08

IUI#2 - BFP!
Morgan 3lbs13oz & Reagan 3lbs10oz born at 33 weeks after 3 years TTC
19 days in the NICU

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Re: Husbands?

Postby meggola » Thu Sep 19, 2013 7:49 pm

I'm a huge fan of therapy! DH and I just started couples therapy, and I've been dealing with PPD. It's been a crazy 6 months! I say do what you gotta do to keep things working. You can pull from the therapy you've already had, but your situation has changed too so it can't hurt to have a bit of a refresher, kwim?
Me (Meg)-36, DH-33
TTC #1 since Nov. 09
:angel: 8/2010 @ 6w 1d (ectopic- natural BFP)
:angel: 3/2012 (chemical - IVF)

Our IVF/FET miracles born March 24, 2013 at 37w3d!

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Re: Husbands?

Postby hazelbazel » Fri Sep 20, 2013 6:18 am

OK, we are going to do couples counseling for sure, we talked about it. I just can't believe the difference between when he's here vs when he's traveling (he travels every week).... I'm so much more happy and content when he's not here. When he is here I feel so much pressure and like I'm being "watched". Aurgh. Well, I hope this helps... I know we will be fine in the end, don't get me wrong. But we just need to get over this hurdle for sure. Thanks for all the advice and for sharing your stories. Glad I'm not the only one who struggles with these things with her husband!
DS conceived after many rounds of clomid, 5 IUI's and a vericocele repair- born 4/1/08
DD conceived naturally first try! - born 1/29/10
Boy/Girl Twins! Conceived after 3 months of trying, BFP month was a clomid cycle- born 7/8/13
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Re: Husbands?

Postby Chantellg » Fri Sep 20, 2013 9:35 pm

You are definitely not alone in any of this! Glad you guys have talked and decided to do counseling, I just wanted to recommend this book that someone recommended to us. It's called the seven principles for making marriage work. It's like $10 on amazon and SO worth it. We've started reading it together but the thing we love about it is its not just reading, it's almost like playing games. After having our twins we were just so busy, I had ppd, I think dh had some too and was working night shift that our relationship got put on the back burner completely. The first two chapters are the author explaining his research and giving examples and then it gets to the activities! We spent 2 hours after the kids went to bed talking and laughing while doing it :) anyway it has been helpful so just wanted to pass it along! http://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles- ... riage+work
Me <3 dh 12/20/2008
DS 5/4/11
DS 2 & 3 7/7/2012 (8weeks early)
expecting baby #4 in December!

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