Too scared to enjoy this pregnancy

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Too scared to enjoy this pregnancy

Postby Linds0412 » Mon Sep 14, 2009 6:11 pm

I experienced an early miscarriage (just over 5 weeks) on July 23rd and thankfully ended up getting pregnant again almost exactly one month later .. I'll be 5 weeks tomorrow (we bd'd only a few times when I got my +opk then stopped so I know when we conceived) and I'm absolutely terrified something is going to go wrong. Every ache and pain sends me running to the washroom expecting to see blood. How do you get over the fear of miscarrying again??? Im a nervous wreck all the time and cant help expecting something to go wrong.
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Postby acorns77 » Mon Sep 14, 2009 6:19 pm

oh man, I know just how you feel! Unfortunately, I dont think there's any getting over the fear or worry. I still worry every day, probably more like every minute! I'm constantly doing the *wipes of fear* and inspecting the tp for any trace of blood. The good news is the further along you get the chance of m/c gets less and less. my dr said once you see the heart beat you're chances of m/c are only 15%, then once you get to 10 weeks its basically only like 2% chance so hang in there!
Me-32, DP-31
7 failed IUI's
IVF #1 4/09 BFP -ended in M/C 5/09
IVF #2 BFP! two 5 day embies put back 8/15
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Postby J_blackrose » Mon Sep 14, 2009 6:19 pm

I think the only thing that will help is time. even then I don't think we ever really get over the fear of loosing another LO.


I wish you the best of luck in this pregnancy.
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Beta 3683 at 4w4d
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Postby Linds0412 » Mon Sep 14, 2009 6:36 pm

Thanks for the responses. I'm trying to hard not to focus on the fear but it's impossible. acorns77 the "wipe of fear" is a perfect way to describe it! Ugh I worry about every little thing ... a pain here, an ache there, less cm than yesterday .. it never ends. I have our first ultrasound booked for the 28th (two weeks today) and I'll be one day shy of 7 weeks so hopefully I make it that far this time and we'll get to see a heartbeat. But of course I'm worried I'll have one of those missed miscarriages and find out right there something went wrong .. I'm going to give myself a stomach full of ulcers before I even get there!! LOL!
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Postby Garnergirl » Tue Sep 15, 2009 9:29 am

I totally know what you mean. The worry is pretty much constant, if I allow it to be. I have to keep reminding myself, "This worry is not doing anyone any good at all. It's only harming the baby. So stop."

It usually works. I have to keep my mind occupied. Being addicted to this site doesn't help!! And yet, it does. :)

Good luck!!
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Postby momto10plus » Tue Sep 15, 2009 1:47 pm

I'm worried also. I called and made a ob appoint.. They won't take you till 8wks. so since I haven't had a period since my miscarriage 3 months ago. I told them I had no idea how far along I am. I didn't tell them I know when I "o"d. I was POAS daily for the first week. The baby I loss had a heartbeat and didn't a few weeks later. I know I won't be ok until after the 1st trimester. I'm trying not to think about it to much but I know I'm a little more cautious this time.

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Postby shyviolet » Thu Sep 17, 2009 7:49 am

I'm constantly doing the *wipes of fear* and inspecting the tp for any trace of blood.


Yep, me too. I had a successful pregnancy after my m/c, but I'm still worried about this one. Not prepared to get excited about it at all yet.

I remember how happy I was when I found out I was pg the first time. You don't expect anything to go wrong, and then when you lose it, it's never the same again. You can't feel that innocent joy (not the best way to describe it, but you know what I mean) about being pg that women who haven't lost a baby feel. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like for those who have lost more than one. :(
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Postby Tuckersmom » Fri Sep 18, 2009 9:45 am

Wow you nailed it. We have recently lost our first and what the pp poster said "the innocent joy" of pregnancy will be forever lost.
WHen I am in your shoes, The joy will be gone and relaxing will be very hard to do when you've mc. I pray that you make it without too much anxiety. Dr's always think you're a crazy worried mama.....it's hard not to be right?
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Postby Garnergirl » Fri Sep 18, 2009 11:08 am

Tuckersmom wrote: Dr's always think you're a crazy worried mama.....it's hard not to be right?



It's impossible not to be, when you know just how fragile a pregnancy can be. I don't do the wipe of fear, because I knew there was no baby inside me long before I started to miscarry. What I fear, with every day that I don't feel a new or stronger symptom, is that I'll go to the ob on Monday and she'll hunt around and find another empty sac. Nothing growing. No real evidence that I was ever even pregnant.

I felt like a sort of fool last time. Like I'd been tricked by my own body. You go along hopefully, thinking that the baby's growing inside you, looking at tickers and pictures on the net of babies at 6 weeks, at 7, getting excited with your hubby over things like FINGERNAILS and vocal chords! (I'm a singer, so that was a big one for me.)

And then you find out that, as in my case, there was never a baby there at all, just a sac and what the tech termed "some debris", or in other's cases, that the baby they thought they were naming, thought they were caressing when they touched their stomachs, simply stopped living 5 weeks earlier. Five weeks.

It's no wonder we're scared out of our minds. It's something you never, ever forget. The only thing we can do is give it up. Let what's going to happen happen. And try our hardest, every minute, every day, not to make things worse by being sad or worried or scared. I've been trying to distract myself with work, which, of course, paid me back with a giant tension headache. And I've been spending time trying to just be with my husband. Enjoying him now, letting him know I love him and treasure him, no matter what happens in my tummy. It's a pretty good distraction.

Sorry if I got a little maudlin, you guys. I just...I know what you're feeling. So many of us are feeling it. We just have to agree to do the best we can do. For the babies, you know?

Big hug to all of you.
Donna: 42 Brad: 38 Married 5.2.09
DS Declan born 5.17.10
DD Delia born 12.28.11

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Postby momma6_2angels » Fri Sep 18, 2009 12:01 pm

The only advice I can give is to take it one day at a time. Try to think positive.

It took me until 21 weeks to get happy and start feeling good about this pregnancy. I'm still scared, but I'm also hell bent on enjoying this. The way I was told was that I needed to enjoy it because we don't know how long it will last or what the outcome will be. If I had another loss, do I want to look back on all the fear or look back on the enjoyment? When two of my friends said this, I thought they were nuts (funny enough one lives here while the other lives in WA, so they don't know eachother)! They were right!
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Postby memeiring » Fri Sep 18, 2009 11:12 pm

It's so true about trying to enjoy it, but it's easier said than done. I struggled with fear every single day of my pregnancy. Having a m/c changed everything. It's like you're constantly expecting the worse because the worst thing already happened once. I'd almost feel jealous of other women who had never experienced loss and could feel that innocent joy and natural expectation that things would be fine. Honestly, I fought to stay positive every single day. At each appointment I'd literally hold my breath just waiting and trying to prepare myself for the worst. Now that I have a healthy son I almost wish I could go back and redo the pregnancy. It does help when you start feeling movement. I bled at 20 weeks with this pregnancy, but could feel him moving so I knew that he was alive. We got to the hospital and everything was fine - thank God.

May you find some peace and calm. I just tried to be thankful for every single day I had him. Before long I was 38 weeks and it hit me that I was going to get to be a mom for real.
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Postby photofashionista » Sun Sep 20, 2009 8:40 pm

I'm so glad to hear that I'm not the only one feeling this way. I feel guilty about it but at the same time, how can you not worry? I haven't spotted at all yet and I did with the other two so that gives me some peace of mind, although with all of this pinching and cramping I feel like AF is going to start at any minute and keep running to the bathroom to check. I wish there was some way I could "will" my little one to be healthy and strong. The only thing I can do is focus on small milestones and each week I make it is another week closer to the ultimate goal.

Blessings ladies!
Christina-32 4 miscarriages elevated FSH
Katelyn Michelle born after 4 long years of TTC 9.27.10, 8 lbs 12 oz., 20.5 "
Everett Steven 6.20.12, 8 lbs 15 oz, 21"
Cole Thomas July 17, 2014 8lbs 12 oz 21"
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Postby shyviolet » Mon Sep 21, 2009 11:56 am

what the tech termed "some debris"


Oh, I remember them using those terms and how freaking mad it made me. I had an incomplete m/c and ended up having to have a d&c (which, we found out four weeks afterwards, failed completely), followed by two rounds of cytotec. They kept referring to my baby as "the remains of conception". I was soooo upset. I know why they use such terms, but to me it was my baby and it made it so much harder for me that they kept referring to it like it was just some leftover junk. :(
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Postby Garnergirl » Mon Sep 21, 2009 6:42 pm

Argh, I know how you must have felt. It's so easy to feel like they've forgotten you're actually human, instead of a mass of tissue. I know most people in the medical profession have our best interests at heart - but it's easy to feel like a number or just another case history to them. If someone had said "the remains of the conception" to my face, I would have been really angry, too. Really angry.

Hope everything is going well for all you ladies!!
Donna: 42 Brad: 38 Married 5.2.09
DS Declan born 5.17.10
DD Delia born 12.28.11

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