How soon after the death of a baby?

A special place to talk about your pregnancy after a loss.

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Postby momma6_2angels » Sat Dec 12, 2009 2:38 pm

Good luck to you on your TTC journey!
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Postby rachelrhin0 » Mon Dec 14, 2009 11:02 am

I'm a little late to your post but I'll give you my thoughts and experiences. Our 1st daughter, Carly, was born on 11/15/07. She was 12 weeks early and only weighed 13 ounces and was 10 inches long. They told us she probably wouldn't make it through the 1st few days. She proved them wrong. She was doing well and gaining weight. She moved to the progressive nursery and was only about a month from coming home. She got sick suddenly and had to go back to the NICU. They found a heart defect that couldn't be fixed. She passed away hours later after their findings. She was only a few days shy of her 4 month birthday. It was devastating! We we SO close to having her home. We went away for a weeks vacation to clear our minds. During this time my brother was in a severe car accident causing a severe traumatic brain injury. He was in a coma for nearly 2 months. During this time DH and I decided to try for another baby. We wanted another child, yet I think we were trying to heal our grief with a new child to love. I have to say it did help us in the grieving process. We didn't take it as hard seeing as how we had something positive to focus on other than all the bad stuff going on around us. Sadly on November 7, 2008 Hannah was born sleeping at 32w2d. Again our world came crashing down. I said I'd never go through that again. I'd never get pregnant again and that I was done trying. Grieving Hannah was harder than grieving carly. I again think that's b/c I was pregnant with hannah after carly's death. Around Feb. I started thinking I wanted to try again. It was scary to think about though. The months kept passing and I kept wanting to try yet my DH wasn't ready. It was very hard emotionally when I was ready but DH was not. Finally in November of 2009 dear hubby was ready. We tried and thank God we got pregnant on the 1st try. I have to say I've been a nervous wreck. I've never had a m/c but I have been scared to death that I'm going to have one. I'm afraid to go to term. I have days that I think it would be best to deliver at 30 weeks and have another NICU baby just to assure us that the baby would be born alive. I have many fears. My fears overcome the excitment that I should have. It's very difficult. I do however want a family so bad that I'm willing to put myself through the emotional rollercoaster. I think that's what it boils down to...is your desire for a child stronger than your fears for losing again? That's where I'm at today. My longing for a family is stronger than my fears of losing again. Good luck to you in the future! (((((HUGS)))))
Rachel (30) Wife to Ryan (34)
Carly (11/15/07-3/9/08 ) Hannah (stillborn 32 weeks 11/7/08 ) Noah (35 weeks 6/30/10)
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Postby flipflop1117 » Tue Dec 15, 2009 11:18 am

rachelrhin0 wrote:I'm a little late to your post but I'll give you my thoughts and experiences. Our 1st daughter, Carly, was born on 11/15/07. She was 12 weeks early and only weighed 13 ounces and was 10 inches long. They told us she probably wouldn't make it through the 1st few days. She proved them wrong. She was doing well and gaining weight. She moved to the progressive nursery and was only about a month from coming home. She got sick suddenly and had to go back to the NICU. They found a heart defect that couldn't be fixed. She passed away hours later after their findings. She was only a few days shy of her 4 month birthday. It was devastating! We we SO close to having her home. We went away for a weeks vacation to clear our minds. During this time my brother was in a severe car accident causing a severe traumatic brain injury. He was in a coma for nearly 2 months. During this time DH and I decided to try for another baby. We wanted another child, yet I think we were trying to heal our grief with a new child to love. I have to say it did help us in the grieving process. We didn't take it as hard seeing as how we had something positive to focus on other than all the bad stuff going on around us. Sadly on November 7, 2008 Hannah was born sleeping at 32w2d. Again our world came crashing down. I said I'd never go through that again. I'd never get pregnant again and that I was done trying. Grieving Hannah was harder than grieving carly. I again think that's b/c I was pregnant with hannah after carly's death. Around Feb. I started thinking I wanted to try again. It was scary to think about though. The months kept passing and I kept wanting to try yet my DH wasn't ready. It was very hard emotionally when I was ready but DH was not. Finally in November of 2009 dear hubby was ready. We tried and thank God we got pregnant on the 1st try. I have to say I've been a nervous wreck. I've never had a m/c but I have been scared to death that I'm going to have one. I'm afraid to go to term. I have days that I think it would be best to deliver at 30 weeks and have another NICU baby just to assure us that the baby would be born alive. I have many fears. My fears overcome the excitment that I should have. It's very difficult. I do however want a family so bad that I'm willing to put myself through the emotional rollercoaster. I think that's what it boils down to...is your desire for a child stronger than your fears for losing again? That's where I'm at today. My longing for a family is stronger than my fears of losing again. Good luck to you in the future! (((((HUGS)))))


:hb: Congratulations on your new pregnancy :hb: My heart broke for you reading this post. Has me in tears at my desk. I love and admire your stregnth and wish you all the best.

That goes for all yu ladies posting your stories in this thread. I don't know if I could survive what you have survived. After 4 pregnancy losses under 11 weeks, I am terrified of losing this one, even so late in the game. You are truly inspirational in your will to move forward and live your lives. I admire you all.
"And maybe that's what my scars really are...proof I've put myself back together." ~ Carrie Ryan
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Postby macleesy » Wed Dec 16, 2009 1:04 pm

Thank you Rachel so much for posting your story. My heart has broken for you many times, since reading your story and your beautiful girls' blog, and from the TTC side.

I know now that when I first posted this question, I was not in fact ready, and was just wanting to bandaid over the hurt from those empty arms and aching heart. I have come along way in those few short months, and do feel that now we are coming from a better TTC place - we may not be quite there, but it feels healthier and more geniune than that first desire.

Our desire for a new baby and sibling for Erin has exceeded the hurt from risking it all again - I know in some ways we are in denial, but facing the possibility of it happening again hurts too much, and how many people who have not experienced loss fully embrace the possibility that it might happen? Not many I would think. But I think once you have experienced a loss, be it infant loss, stillbirth or miscarriage, you are forever changed, because you know that happily ever after doesn't always happen, and that that most awful thing is not just something that happens to other people - your shell is broken, and those cracks will always be there.

It does give me hope that quite a few ladies who have posted here have gone on to get pregnant and have had healthy rainbow babies.

:congrats: to you all on your pregnancies and/or Rainbow babies

I shall quietly pray each night, that God has that path in store for me too.
Lisa
Erin Nicole19 Dec 07
Annah Paige 2 Jan 11
Connor John 26 May to 7 Aug 09
My beautiful angel. :angel: So far from my reach, but so close to my heart.

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Postby Mommy_oz » Mon Jan 11, 2010 12:19 am

Lisa, I don't have any advice or in sight however I just wanted you to know you have been on my mind a lot lately. My heart is still so broken for you, I am just in tears tonight from reading this thread and thinking of Connor. May you find some peace one day.

This isn't coming out the way I wanted and I am rambling but I just wanted to let you know you had been on my mind.
Amanda (24) DH (27)
Nolan Conner 5/17/2009
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Postby macleesy » Sun Jan 17, 2010 4:41 am

Thanks Amanda - I think of you too often, especially as Nolan and all the other due date babies make their milestones, Connor is smiling down on them and keeping them safe :)

Just to let you ladies all know that we are pregnant - Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers! Thankfully we were blessed again quickly, and will now just have to march forward to september with blind faith and hope.
Lisa
Erin Nicole19 Dec 07
Annah Paige 2 Jan 11
Connor John 26 May to 7 Aug 09
My beautiful angel. :angel: So far from my reach, but so close to my heart.

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Postby rachelrhin0 » Sun Jan 17, 2010 1:05 pm

Congrats Lisa! I pray that you have a happy healthy 9 months and that you are blessed with another healthy child.
Rachel (30) Wife to Ryan (34)
Carly (11/15/07-3/9/08 ) Hannah (stillborn 32 weeks 11/7/08 ) Noah (35 weeks 6/30/10)
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Postby babyfeet3 » Fri Jan 29, 2010 2:35 pm

We just got out BFP last week, ironically on what would have been our angel Gianna's 1st birthday. There is no doubt that she is such a selfless soul letting us know its ok to move forward. Hoever I empathize with you, although we feel we have been given the "ok" we miss her terribly. Gianna was diagnosed at 27 weeks with Trisomy 18 in 12/2008. She was born via c-section on 1/22/09 and we were told every horrific thing that could happen but never all the good that did. We were blessed to have Gianna for almost 6 months and although life in the NICU as you know isnt preferred, it becomes a second home while a piece of you is there. Gianna met many milestones in her short time here and touched many lives as Im sure your lil guy did and all the other angel babies.

We knew we wanted another child and felt that we would leave it in Gods hands when he felt the time was ready. Since Gianna's birth we never prevented a pregnancy and be as it may we found out we were pregnant on Gianna's first birthday. I will say as excited as we are, we cant help but being a bit more guarded and anxious and its a different level of stress that had we not experienced a loss or serious condition in our child we would probably never know. I do believe though that God makes no mistakes and we pray for a happy and healthy 9 months and wish you all nothing but the same when the time comes.
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DD#1 Jasmyn Anissa-2/20/97
DD#2 Gianna Lianne -born 1/22/09 gained her wings 6/29/2009 had Trisomy 18
DS-Ty Alexander- 9/23/2010
Baby #4 due 2/14/2012
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Postby macleesy » Sun Jan 31, 2010 2:00 am

Thank you so much Tia, for sharing your beautiful Angel Gianna with me, and I am so pleased to be able to share a pregnancy with you! Congratulations, and you are right - We are in Gods hands, with our beautiful Angels by his side, and only he knows the path that lies before us. Hopefully we will both be holding beautiful rainbow babies before we know it.

One thing that Connor taught us is not to hold back with our gratitude and love, to live each day never taking anything for granted. To appreciate those special things that resonant in your heart and mind as they come straight from heaven.

And one thing that is happening right now that seems just a little more than concidence is the number of Ladies I have now met that have suffered and are now Mothers to Angels. And so many of us are having rainbow babies within one or two months of each other. It seems as though we are together in this, to support each other, as no-one else quite knows (& we hope they never know) the pain of loss and the anxiety of this new pregnancy.

Thank you ladies, I think we must be especially kind to each other in this special journey - Maybe I will start a buddy group so we can keep track of where we are all at...??
Lisa
Erin Nicole19 Dec 07
Annah Paige 2 Jan 11
Connor John 26 May to 7 Aug 09
My beautiful angel. :angel: So far from my reach, but so close to my heart.

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Postby kaw » Sun Jan 31, 2010 1:46 pm

congrats macleesy...think of you often!
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Ethan(feb 2008) & Liam (feb 10)
Still missing my babies due 24/08/07 and 24/08/09
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Postby rachelrhin0 » Sun Jan 31, 2010 2:38 pm

I think a buddy group sounds like a great idea!
Rachel (30) Wife to Ryan (34)
Carly (11/15/07-3/9/08 ) Hannah (stillborn 32 weeks 11/7/08 ) Noah (35 weeks 6/30/10)
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