Playing the "blame game"

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Playing the "blame game"

Postby luvmytwins02 » Wed Oct 21, 2009 7:47 am

Ok, anyone else here struggling with the thoughts of "what did I do to harm my baby?" I just had a D&C yesterday, so I understand I am emotional now. But I am just freaking out this morning. I just remembered I used an ammonia-free, non-permanent hair color last week...and then a day or two later my baby is dead. How am I ever going to know FOR SURE that that wasn't the reason my baby died?
The more research I do on hair dye on the internet the more I freak out! It wasn't a necessity, just that we were having a party and I wanted to look nice! Now I may have to live with the fact that it hurt my unborn child!
How do you learn to stop playing the blame game?
Happily Married for 12 years
Hannah & Emma (My twin girls, born 5 minutes apart but with different birthdays!)
Timothy (Mommy's little man!)
1 angel baby in heaven

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Postby WishN4baby2 » Wed Oct 21, 2009 8:11 am

Don't do this to yourself. You didn't cause your baby to die. There are many many women out there that have done much worse things to their bodies and still had a perfectly healthy baby. I have been there a couple of times so I know you want answers to why your baby died. Most times there just aren't any answers which sucks. My thing was the heating pad. My back hurt and I was cold last winter. Did the heating pad I used burn my baby to death? It will drive you insane. The best you can do right now is take care of yourself. Even the best family and friends can't make this go away. You have to do what you can for yourself. It will take time but you will heal.

Take care.
Me 41 DH 41 Married 17 years
DS 10 - clomid/IUI

Blocked tube, blood clotting issues
2002 - IVF - m/c 4 weeks
Feb. 2007 BFP - m/c 8 weeks D&C
June 2007 BFP - m/c 4 weeks
Feb. 2009 - BFP - m/c 8 weeks D&C
9/21/09 - BFP - 9/23/09 HCG 747 18 DPO 9/26/09 21 DPO HCG 1753
10/22/09 Lost heartbeat at 8 weeks. Waiting to m/c naturally.
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Postby hopeSutton » Wed Oct 21, 2009 7:17 pm

PLEASE dont do this to yourself


that hair dye had NOTHING to do with it.. i have lost 4 babies, one died at nearly 20 weeks, she was gravely ill... you dont need the added stress


and seriously, i think you know that the hair dye had no effect, at the moment you are trying to find answers where there are none to find, but dealing woth grief and loss is earier when there is an answer, but you will just do your head in..... ..

bad things happen to good people my sweet, for no reason....

I pray you heal soon, xxxxxxxxx
Me 31 Dh 35
DD 22, DS 4 DD Marley Memphis Angel 2 years , DD 20 months , 3 early losses, + 1 stillbirth
Incomeptent cervix
This time: cervical shortening from 17wks. Rescue cerclage placed at 22wks, was 100% effaced, 1cm dilated, waters bulging.

we were done having babies.. but Surprise!

]Image Cystic Hygroma with fetalis hydrops, we love you Marley

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Postby WishN4baby2 » Thu Oct 22, 2009 8:08 am

Well, I got my conformation today that it wasn't the heating pad that harmed my other babies. For the 3rd time, my baby's heartbeat has stopped at 8 weeks. This time we had no clue there was a problem where the last two we did by this point. I'm giving it two weeks to happen naturally before we think about a third D&C.

I hope you are feeling better today.
Me 41 DH 41 Married 17 years
DS 10 - clomid/IUI

Blocked tube, blood clotting issues
2002 - IVF - m/c 4 weeks
Feb. 2007 BFP - m/c 8 weeks D&C
June 2007 BFP - m/c 4 weeks
Feb. 2009 - BFP - m/c 8 weeks D&C
9/21/09 - BFP - 9/23/09 HCG 747 18 DPO 9/26/09 21 DPO HCG 1753
10/22/09 Lost heartbeat at 8 weeks. Waiting to m/c naturally.
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Postby luvmytwins02 » Thu Oct 22, 2009 8:51 am

Wish--oh man...my heart is just breaking for you right now! I am so sorry this happened again. :mad: Why does this keep happening to women who WANT children! Makes me so angry sometimes!
Happily Married for 12 years
Hannah & Emma (My twin girls, born 5 minutes apart but with different birthdays!)
Timothy (Mommy's little man!)
1 angel baby in heaven

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Postby raileysmom » Thu Oct 22, 2009 1:11 pm

first off just wanted to say that it was not the hair color. I am a hairdresser and when I was preg with DD I did my hairlike every other week and she is fine. These things just happen. I have had 5 losses myself and they never get any easier. I was just wondering if you and WISH4baby had been checked for blood clotting disorder? My m\c were usually around 8 weeks. I found out that I have a blood clotting disorder which would end up sending blood clots into placenta and cut off blood flow and nutrients to the baby and it would die. I would get a test done to find out. I was able to keep this preg because I know what is going on and am doing things to prevent a lose. I am so sorry you are going thru this and I pray you heal quickly
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DD 6
DD 4mths
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Postby 2boyshoping4agirl » Fri Oct 23, 2009 5:36 am

I agree with Hope. You didn't do this, and good things happen to good people every day. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I just lost my DD 5 weeks ago at 26 wks. She was my 5th loss. I went over every little thing in my head, but in the end, she had a heart defect. So, then I tried to figure out what I'd done to cause her heart not to form right. Was it the antibiotics I took for pneumonia early on? Was it the caffeine I had sparingly? No, none of that could have caused it. But I needed answers. All it does it drive you bonkers. Rest assured you didn't cause it sweetie. It just happens, and a lot more often than people realize. :hugs:
Katina, Mom to Nathan 12-6-00 and Zachary 8-10-03, Angels 11/99, 5/00, 9/02, 12/09
Rachel Marie stillborn 9/19/09 @ 26wks
11/09-DX with MTHFR and Lupus anticoagulant

Olivia Faith 10-8-10 7lb 2oz 19.25 inches long
We are in love!!

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Postby WishN4baby2 » Wed Oct 28, 2009 12:41 pm

I was diagnosed with a mild blood clotting disorder after my first 8 week m/c. I've been on Lovenox with the last two but it didn't help. We had genetic testing done on the first two 8 week losses but nothing was found with either one. If the natural m/c doesn't happen in the next week, I may do the testing again with a D&C. I don't know why since it didn't give me any comfort to know that my babies were healthy as far as the lab could tell.
Me 41 DH 41 Married 17 years
DS 10 - clomid/IUI

Blocked tube, blood clotting issues
2002 - IVF - m/c 4 weeks
Feb. 2007 BFP - m/c 8 weeks D&C
June 2007 BFP - m/c 4 weeks
Feb. 2009 - BFP - m/c 8 weeks D&C
9/21/09 - BFP - 9/23/09 HCG 747 18 DPO 9/26/09 21 DPO HCG 1753
10/22/09 Lost heartbeat at 8 weeks. Waiting to m/c naturally.
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