My Angel brought me a rainbow

A special place to talk about your pregnancy after a loss.

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Postby hopeSutton » Tue Mar 02, 2010 7:17 pm

im not going so well...

6 months after saying goodbye to Marley, I fond myself feeling the same way I did the day I lost her. I am crying constantly, and cannot read other stories of loss. Im petrified small fry will be sick like Marley, and dont know if id survive that battle again.. we have our nuchal in 6 days, which was then they initally foound out Marley was sick.. i wish I was tronger, and more positive but I still cant see a baby at the end of this, and I hate that
Me 31 Dh 35
DD 22, DS 4 DD Marley Memphis Angel 2 years , DD 20 months , 3 early losses, + 1 stillbirth
Incomeptent cervix
This time: cervical shortening from 17wks. Rescue cerclage placed at 22wks, was 100% effaced, 1cm dilated, waters bulging.

we were done having babies.. but Surprise!

]Image Cystic Hygroma with fetalis hydrops, we love you Marley

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Postby flipflop1117 » Thu Mar 04, 2010 8:09 am

hopeSutton wrote:im not going so well...

6 months after saying goodbye to Marley, I fond myself feeling the same way I did the day I lost her. I am crying constantly, and cannot read other stories of loss. Im petrified small fry will be sick like Marley, and dont know if id survive that battle again.. we have our nuchal in 6 days, which was then they initally foound out Marley was sick.. i wish I was tronger, and more positive but I still cant see a baby at the end of this, and I hate that


:( I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I can relate to the not seeing a baby at the end comment. I still walk into the nursery and try picturing this baby laying the crib, or me rocking him/her in the chair. I cant do it. I keep fearing the worst and as it gets closer, my anxiety and mood is getting worse. We just have to try and have faith and realize they are seperate babies from the ones we lost and deserve our positive attitudes and full love and devotion. I have to tell myself this daily. It's so unfair our happy times are so tainted by harsh reality life has handed us.
"And maybe that's what my scars really are...proof I've put myself back together." ~ Carrie Ryan
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Postby kjdandjbd » Wed May 19, 2010 2:57 pm

Sylvia Rose was born May 7th 2010 at 7:56AM. She weighed 7lbs 15 oz and was born alert and crying. Her delivery was fast but very emotional for me. I am so thankful her big sister is watching over her and protecting her. Here is a picture of Sylvia:

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and her big sister Ashlyn:

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Mother to three beautiful girls with one in heaven
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Postby rachelrhin0 » Mon May 24, 2010 8:11 pm

kjdandjbd wrote:Sylvia Rose was born May 7th 2010 at 7:56AM. She weighed 7lbs 15 oz and was born alert and crying. Her delivery was fast but very emotional for me. I am so thankful her big sister is watching over her and protecting her. Here is a picture of Sylvia:

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and her big sister Ashlyn:

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Congrats to you!
Rachel (30) Wife to Ryan (34)
Carly (11/15/07-3/9/08 ) Hannah (stillborn 32 weeks 11/7/08 ) Noah (35 weeks 6/30/10)
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Postby macleesy » Tue May 25, 2010 1:49 am

Congratulations!!! Your daughters are so beautiful
Lisa
Erin Nicole19 Dec 07
Annah Paige 2 Jan 11
Connor John 26 May to 7 Aug 09
My beautiful angel. :angel: So far from my reach, but so close to my heart.

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Postby AshleyGatMax » Fri May 28, 2010 2:53 pm

Your girls are so beautiful!!!

I imagine my delivery will be very emotional too... I've alreayd told people who are not close family to stay away for a day because I think I will need that time to mentally take it all in... KWIM? I hope they don't think I am being selfish.... but I gotta do what is best for me and my family.
Me-31 DH- 32
2 sons, Gatlin born 9/10/10 and Maxton born 3/3/09 with congenital diaphragmatic hernia, passed away 3/21/09

Miscarriages- June 2012, August 2012, August 2013
BFP 4/30/14, Due date: tentatively January 11th, 2015
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Postby Tabithasmum » Wed Jun 30, 2010 8:17 pm

thank all so much for sharing your stories and precious babes


my beautiful baby was stillborn at 38.5weeks back in oct 2009, we don't know what happened but its changed my life so much i can't believe it. We found out we were pregnant march 2009, we hadn't been trying but weren't preventing and decided to let nature take it course. We were so happy when we found out and the pregnancy went along so fast with no problems until exactly 38 weeks when i had a really bad and tearful day, the night before i had some crampy pains in my tummy and actually thought i was going into labour....instead i woke to realise i hadn't felt our baby move for a while. I moped around all day knowing in heart something was terribly wrong. When hubby got i home i told him about the day and he immediately rang the midwife who was optimistic and suggested we head to the hospital to go on the monitor.

I'll never forget the midwives trying to find a hb and the OBst doctor touching me on the arm and saying i'm so sorry......i went into automatic mode after that i knew there were things i had to do for my daughter and i went to it, gave birth to her after a 26hour induced labour, named her, took her home for a week and then had to say goodbye......it just wasn't right seeing everyone else around me get their healthy babies...i still find that hard 8 months later. So my darling Tabitha-Rose Sienna wasn't destined for this world and what a journey it has been since.

I knew i wanted to try again straight away almost to prove to myself and the world that i could do living, not just dead babies. This pregnancy ended in a mmc at the end of feb.....how could i lose another baby whats wrong with me??? my obst tells me the were both just unlucky events... i've always been unlucky but come on. So after the d&c we waited two cycles and then got preggers on the second cycle.

Currently i'm eight weeks preg and have seen my LOs little heart flickering away but found little relief....i guess now i fear pregnancy cause if i experience another loss i don't know if i'll be ok.....i see all these mamas that smoke and drink etc and they get their babies but me am i destined never to have a living baby.

I have another appt next week and i feel sick to my stomach thinking about it.....maybe what i'm feeling at present isn't morning sickness but constant unrelenting fear!!!

thinking of Connor, Ashlyn, Carly, Hannah, Marley , Chloe, Maxton and all the other angel babys that had to leave their mummies RIP little ones.
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Postby macleesy » Thu Jul 01, 2010 1:55 am

Hugs sweetie :(

Thanks for sharing beautiful Tabitha with us all. She has become part of quite a few lives, special girl that she is xx. Rest peacefully little one

BTW - "constant unrelenting fear" That is the perfect description....[/quote]
Lisa
Erin Nicole19 Dec 07
Annah Paige 2 Jan 11
Connor John 26 May to 7 Aug 09
My beautiful angel. :angel: So far from my reach, but so close to my heart.

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Postby AshleyGatMax » Sun Jul 04, 2010 4:52 pm

Hugs Tabitha's mommy-

I continue to have a constant fear. While I know this baby doesn't have the defects that Maxton did... losing him has opened my eyes to the thousands of things that could go wrong.... I am worried most of the time. I am trying to enjoy this pregnancy and some days I do, but I do still have trouble picturing myself bringing a baby home.... it's weird.

Anyways, praying for you and your new little bean!
Me-31 DH- 32
2 sons, Gatlin born 9/10/10 and Maxton born 3/3/09 with congenital diaphragmatic hernia, passed away 3/21/09

Miscarriages- June 2012, August 2012, August 2013
BFP 4/30/14, Due date: tentatively January 11th, 2015
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Postby Tabithasmum » Mon Jul 05, 2010 5:48 pm

[quote="AshleyStandifer"] I am worried most of the time. I am trying to enjoy this pregnancy and some days I do, but I do still have trouble picturing myself bringing a baby home.... it's weird.
/quote]

Thanks Maxtons Mommy...me too!!!! but i think we do that to protect ourselves because we know being pregnant doesn't nec equal a healthy baby to bring home!!!

Macleesy.....your quote pretty much sums it up aye hun!!!!!!

big hugs everyone
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Postby rachelrhin0 » Sun Jul 11, 2010 10:28 pm

Finally after 3 years of trying and 2 losses we have our baby...our rainbow baby.

Noah James born at 35w6d, 6lbs 6oz.

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Carly (11/15/07-3/9/08 ) Hannah (stillborn 32 weeks 11/7/08 ) Noah (35 weeks 6/30/10)
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Postby macleesy » Mon Jul 12, 2010 1:06 am

Congrats again Rachel he is truly devine! I just want to love and hug him all up xx
Lisa
Erin Nicole19 Dec 07
Annah Paige 2 Jan 11
Connor John 26 May to 7 Aug 09
My beautiful angel. :angel: So far from my reach, but so close to my heart.

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Postby Tabithasmum » Tue Jul 13, 2010 3:36 pm

he's gorgeous!!!
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Postby orionslight » Wed Oct 27, 2010 5:41 am

my name is jaimie and while i am very lucky to have my 9 kids, i too have had some sadness.

the day after Christmas in 2003 i found out i was pregnant, and i was kind of scared since my little girl was only 3 mos old. they did several u/s and said i had a cyst on my ovary but it was normal and would go away. my belly was getting HUGE, and im not a very big girl and i was only like 10 weeks pg. they finally had to do surgery as it grew so large it was pressing on my aorta and i was having breathing problems and they thought maybe cancer. when they took it out, it was bigger than they expected, basketball sized. they also had to remove that tube and ovary. sadly something was knicked and they didnt know, so i bled and bled all night. there were signs of it, but my nurse was mean and horrible.

my kidneys were shutting down and i had 2 blood xfusions and my bp was still only 70/50 right after xfusing, but 50/30 when further out. it wasnt until the residents came to do their rounds that they knew something was wrong. i was in horrid pain and had no registerable bp. my hubby didnt even have time to come say goodbye. after the surgery nobody wanted me on their floor a i had been so unstable, so i sat in recovery for a long time....most of the day. they came in to try and find heart tones and could hear nothing. i was so worried and alone since they wouldnt let my hubby come in. later they did an u/s and it confirmed my worst fears...my baby had died.

i had just seen him the a couple of days before, jumping and hopping, but there he sat, so still and unmoving. i had a huge cut so i had to wait a couple of days to have the labor. i was such a wimp :( i didnt see him and it is something i will forever feel the deepest regret over. i got tiny footprints and a certificate. it was a boy, my sweet angel boy.

R.I.P Gabriel Martin ^i^

i also have had 3 other losses
i was due august 3rd,then october 3rd and finally jan 22. i will always miss my angels.

ladies, you are very strong, i cannot imagine what you have gone thru. may our babies fly high together playing in the hands of God.
Baby Ireland born 4-18-14 healthy and happy :)

Joining her 11 brothers and sisters
Loss July 2015@ 11+3, girl
Loss June 2016@ 13+5,boy
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Postby 1KuehlBaby » Mon Dec 20, 2010 9:14 am

I am so glad I found this thread!

I'm Kristi and my Rainbow Baby is due Aug. 23, 2011!

Like Ashley, my son Kaden was born with a Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia on April 3, 2009 (exactly one month after Maxton). They are best friends in Heaven :angel: Almost all parents who get the CDH diagnosis have the same story. Going in for their 18 week (or so) ultrasound and find that the heart is pushed to one side. Devestating news when you think you are just there to find out the sex. Anyway, as you guys already know from Ashley's post, only 50% of babies born with CDH survive and Kaden just didn't have enough functioning lung tissue to be in that 50%. He lived for 17 days, and the decision to remove him from support was the worst decision a parent could ever face. I still have dreams about it. I got so much support from my TWW mommas while I was pregnant and after losing him, there was no way I could not come back to the TWW.

On a side note, there was another baby in my April DDC that also had CDH. He survived and is doing GREAT! That is one good thing that came out of all of this~~~more people now know what CDH is. Hopefully one day they will find a cause and improve treatment.

You can read our story in the link to my blog.
Me 39 DH 35
DD 17, DS 15, DSS, 6 and our Angel Baby Kaden Alex born 4/3/09. Lived 17 days fighting Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH)
http://www.KadenAlexKuehl.blogspot.com
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