When should I tell them???

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When should I tell them???

Postby NisB » Thu Feb 18, 2010 12:14 pm

I had a mc (5.5wks) back in Oct 09. This is our first try since then, and I am pregnant. I have my fist U/S next Thurs @ 6w2d. I still really don't feel pregnant, so I am still scared, of course.

My question is, when should I tell my family, and close friends? I am not going to spread the word around town, or at my old job (many friends there). But I want to tell our Grandparent's, some close friends, etc.

What are your opinions? We were going to tell my husband's folks this weekend. But when should we tell everyone else? ( I mean, shoud the "what if" happen, I will look to them for support anyways, so is it necessary to keep it a BIG secret?)
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Postby Cartersnum1 » Fri Feb 19, 2010 5:53 am

I got pregnant about 7 months after my m/c and I called my mom and told her and I told my boss but I waited until until my u/s at 8 weeks before I started telling everyone else. It is much easier to tell family first. I wanted to make sure the baby had a good strong hb before I told everyone. GL to you and have a H&H 9 months.

Christina
ME (Christina) 31 DH (Brad) 33
DD Teighlor Morgen= 7lbs 9oz Sept 11, 2008

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Postby Lovie » Fri Feb 19, 2010 1:09 pm

I waited until I was 13 weeks. It's because I had 3 consecutive mcs and wanted to be REALLY, REALLY sure before telling my folks and DH's family.

I believe we told them right after our NT Scan when we saw our baby moving, etc.

Whatever you decide, just make sure you feel comfortable with it.

Congrats on your pregnancy!
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Postby flipflop1117 » Mon Feb 22, 2010 7:35 am

I told family and close friends right away. Even though it was my 5th pregnancy with no kids, I found that I needed the thoughts and prayers and support system, though some people don't want that. I depends on the person really. DH didn't want anyone to know because of all the losses. He hated feeling he was being pitied and he also hated how much it was breaking his mother's heart at our hardships. Good luck to you!
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Postby bernababe » Mon Feb 22, 2010 8:54 am

We told everyone the first time we got pregnant right away. Then we lost the baby in the 2nd tri(due to severe problems). Then we got pregnant after our 3rd round of clomid and miscarried at 6 weeks. We told about 10 people this time so it was hard when we lost the baby and having to tell everyone we lost it. THen this time we didnt tell anyone until we saw the :hb: at 7 weeks 4days and then we only told our parents, then after 12 weeks we told the rest of our friends, family and coworkers.

I think if you want the support of people ifyou miscarry again then you should tell a few close people but also tell them to be cautious and not get too excited. If you dont want to have to tell anyone if you have another miscarriage then just keep it between you and DH until you feel you are past your point of comfort.

Good luck sweetie, it is such an emotional time especially when you have had a loss before. Try and think positive thoughts and stay as stress free as possible. Good luck and congrats!!!
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Due in december! EDD 12/31/2013
Our angel Kyle Ethan 07/2007 @ 24wks
m/c 5weeks 4days July 2009
m/c 5weeks April 2011
Baby Fiona due 12/31/2013
PCOS dx 2009

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Postby DoulaMama » Mon Feb 22, 2010 10:51 am

We waited to tell people until we were around 12 weeks.
There were a few select ppl that we told (ie) my mom....but I really wanted to limit it until we saw/heard the HB a few times.
It was nice though, telling a few very close ppl, in case something did happen again, I knew I could talk to them.

Congrats on your PG! :)
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Postby AshleyGatMax » Mon Feb 22, 2010 6:03 pm

Since I had soooo many people praying for my sweet son before he passed, I knew I could use the prayers this pregnancy. So, we did not wait... We figured if something were to go wrong, we could use all the support we could get. Go with your gut.... no decision here is wrong.
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Postby Lissa_ » Sun Jul 04, 2010 6:03 am

We had 4 losses in a row before our dd#2 was conceived and we chose to tell ppl straight away.
We have had a mmc 3 months ago after 2 hb scans - I am now 5 wks pg again and not telling anyone other than dh parents before the NT scan at 12wks as we didn't get quite that far last time.
Part of our reasons for keeping this one secret is because our other DD is 13yrs old and as this is our 8th pg and she ony has one sibling as a result I believe the stress of waiting and worrying will be too much for her to bear after last time.

I think you should go with your gut instinct on it. There is no right or wrong, which ever suits you best is the way to go.

GL xx
EDD#3 1/3/11 - High Risk Pregnancy
DD1 Oct 96 DD2 Apr 09
Hx: 1 ovarian ectopic, 3 m/c, MMC March 2010
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Postby mommyofgirls » Sun Jul 04, 2010 8:56 pm

We waited till 8 weeks to tell everyone. Untelling the time before was so painful! I had my 8 week scan & everything was normal so we told only immediate family until 10 weeks. With my angel I had US from 6 weeks till 9 weeks and all were abnormal. So we felt confident that my pregnacy was viable & normal at that point. GL & CONGRATS!!
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:angel: Angel:1/16/2008 via D&C @ 9.5weeks
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Postby irishsweetie2003 » Sun Jul 04, 2010 10:28 pm

I told right away.... Only cause I did FET and knew it was a heatlhy embryo. Getting preggo naturally and miscarrying was devistating to me the three times it happened... The third time, I thought everything was "normal" and it happened around Christmas time. So I told right away only to call back a month later and tell them I didn't have a baby which ofcourse made them say "Well, then you were never pregnant if a baby didn't form". They didn't understand what a blighted ovum is...
I woudl wait untill at least hearing the HB and if you've miscarried a healthy pregnancy before.... I would wait untill you make it till the 13 week (AKA 2nd trimester hurdle)... it alldepends on what your needs are, what kind of support you have, and what your miscarriages were estimated to be the cause of...
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Postby eh_ep » Tue Jul 13, 2010 9:32 pm

EVeryone is different. If you are looking to have support from them right now and (god forbid) if anything bad happens then tell those people, but make sure to ask them to keep it to themselves.

I for one didn't tell anyone (other then DH) that I was pregnant again until 16weeks. In my situation I felt like I had to support the other people instead of them supporting me??....if that makes sence so I didn't want the added stress...plus for me it was quite hard because with my second loss I had seem the HB twice and had seen my baby kicking. so nothing was much of a reassurance to me.
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:angel: M/C sept 1, 2007 5w1d
:angel: M/C Feb 6, 2008 11w3d D&C feb 8
:hb:DD: Dec 20, 2008
:angel: M/C Jan 28, 2014 5w3d
BFP June 24 11dpo due March 6, 2014
:angel: M/C July 1, 2014 4w4d
BFP May 20 9dpo due February 1, 2016
Beta 14dpo 101
Beta 16dpo 172
Beta 18dpo 414
Beta 35dpo 36265
First U/S 7 weeks :hb: 126
Second U/S 11 weeks :hb: 175

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