DH is so cold!!!

A special place to talk about your pregnancy after a loss.

Moderators: B Michaelson, southernbelle, jessm, 1daysoon, reapage, Honey Bunny, unaffected, maddy, TrebleLily

DH is so cold!!!

Postby jessie2354 » Sat Mar 20, 2010 7:35 pm

DH is being so cold. I asked him if he wanted to try and get a docs appt for when he's off work and he said no because what's the point he's not going to miss anything. I told him I was gonna try and go to the specialist and that you never know they might do an ultrasound.

He said I shouldn't bother that they wouldn't do an ultrasound and that I should just go to the normal doctor. That he wasn't even sure I really am PG that I'm just relying on a stick. I told him I've been getting faint lines for days now just not this dark. He still said the same thing.

I know he's just trying to protect me incase the worst happens but it comes off really cold. Then after being so cold he has the nerve to lecture me about needing to drink more water when I asked for grape juice. Grrrr I know he's not trying to be mean but my feelings are hurt. Plus grape juice isn't bad for me and I've been chugging water all day.
Me 22 DH 26, DS Aiden James born into heaven 11/5/10 2 Fur babies: Shadow and Missy 3&nbsp;MC's (June09, Oct09, March11)<br /><br />Baby #2 Due Decemeber 20th!
User avatar
jessie2354
StickyDuster
StickyDuster
 
Posts: 149
Joined: Sat Mar 20, 2010 12:00 am

Postby steph_is_blessed » Sat Mar 20, 2010 8:02 pm

I think I could have written your post myself not too long ago.
Here is what I have learned, and I KNOW you are starting to get hormonal ( ITS OUR RIGHT! ) and I know you are extremely excited.
Let's look at facts. You love your DH and your DH loves you. men have this complex that they have to be the strength in the family, they can't show emotion because then we will not see them as our rock anymore.
I'm willing to bet you he is nervous, and scared for you. When I had my last miscarriage I cried my eyes out, and I got extremely upset because my dh was just like, we can try again, you aren't out of eggs! NOT OUT OF EGGS?? are you f'n kidding me?? that's my sweet and kind words?
some time passed and he finally came clean and he said it hurt him to lose the baby but it killed him to see me that broken. Even with this baby that I'm carrying now, I got my positive test and I came downstairs at 5 am while dh was getting ready for work, and I walked up to him and I said.. we need a new car! he looked at the stick in my hand and goes.. oh.. yes we do. just like I had told him about the weather! and then he wanted us to go to bingo night and grab dinner like nothing had changed. I was really hurt.. but what I couldn't see was that he wasn't doing it to hurt me he was doing it to protect me. He was scared to show excitement because he knew that if he did I would be jumping up and down and I'd be over the moon with excitement, but if he made it seem like, ok this is a possibility, lets get you into the doctor and find out whats going on then maybe some how i would tone it down too.. I don't know if that makes sense to you or not. but, just wait until he sees the heartbeat, thats when they really start coming around, get the A ok from the doc and his tone will change. As far as him making comments about not drinking enough water, once again he's your care taker and its his responsibility in his eyes to make sure you are doing everything you can for you and that baby, my husband is on my butt 24/7 about water, and I drink A LOT of water. he's just worried, scared, excited, he's probably feeling everything you are. so just go give him a hug and tell him that you love him and thank him for being there for you, and I think you will get the attitude and warm fuzzyness you are looking for in return.

sorry this is such a book, but i've just been through it.
Image
Image
Image
Image

First Kick 10/4/12 <3
User avatar
steph_is_blessed
Girlfriend
Girlfriend
 
Posts: 2794
Joined: Tue Feb 16, 2010 1:00 am

Postby toby1119 » Sun Mar 21, 2010 6:04 am

having gone through 4 loses myself, i can only say men just dont get it like we do. maybe the first time but the second and third not so much. it sounds like your hubby is dealing with his saddness and fear his own way. Not that being out right mean is the right way to handle it. Try to cut him a little slack, hes dealing with alot. NOT THAT YOU ARENT. I remember everytime i got pregnant after a loss my dh was very inconsiderate and insensitive with his words and actions. telling me i should yell, bc it will kill the baby. really mean things. i know he didnt mean it, it was just his way, the only way he knew how to express himself. dont worry. it will get better, give him some time.
Us girls have to stick together, so please dont htink i am on his side. :)lol
toby1119
Angel
Angel
 
Posts: 577
Joined: Sun Oct 05, 2008 12:00 am

Postby jessie2354 » Sun Mar 21, 2010 6:34 am

Thanks girls! I just felt so hurt yesterday at one point he actually got mad that I told my brother! I know he's just scared and not intentionally being mean. I don't think it helped that I'm an emotional rollercoaster right now. Lol
Me 22 DH 26, DS Aiden James born into heaven 11/5/10 2 Fur babies: Shadow and Missy 3&nbsp;MC's (June09, Oct09, March11)<br /><br />Baby #2 Due Decemeber 20th!
User avatar
jessie2354
StickyDuster
StickyDuster
 
Posts: 149
Joined: Sat Mar 20, 2010 12:00 am

Postby jessie2354 » Mon Mar 22, 2010 4:15 pm

We had the first doc's appt today so far doc says things are looking good. They did a beta and progesterone test and I have to go back on Wed to make sure numbers are going up. Doc wants them to be twice what they are today.

I'm just praying that everything is OK. My tests are getting darker so that's good.
Me 22 DH 26, DS Aiden James born into heaven 11/5/10 2 Fur babies: Shadow and Missy 3&nbsp;MC's (June09, Oct09, March11)<br /><br />Baby #2 Due Decemeber 20th!
User avatar
jessie2354
StickyDuster
StickyDuster
 
Posts: 149
Joined: Sat Mar 20, 2010 12:00 am


Return to Pregnant After a Loss

cron