scared

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scared

Postby Heather32 » Fri Dec 10, 2010 5:18 pm

Well we are pregnant and we have been NTNP (which means that I obsess and he doesnt LOL) anyways we are so excited to be pregnant but i am so scared. I feel like I should be okay with it since we had DS#2 after our loss but at the same time it was just so so unexpected before to have our loss. Everybody said oh your still getting sick and your still growing everything is fine.There was no bleeding and no cramping.Dr. said oh we saw the heart beat on the ultrasound at 7wks your just fine..couldnt find a heart on the doppler at the office at 10 wks or 12 wks and at 14wks I switched doctors and my first visit was with a ultrasound and to tell me our baby had passed back at 8wks...6wks our baby had been dead and I was still having all my morning sickness and uterus was still growing..The only indication that something was up was high right sided pain at 11 weeks ..the hospital thought it was my gallbladder and never checked the baby..I feel like all the milestones of safety and safety markers are BS for me. Dh say to just assume everything is fine but I find myself praying every day for the baby to be okay. I have a doppler of my own now so I can check at home...but I just feel scared....
Heather:33 DH:36 DS (6) 11/04 DS (2) 2/09
DD (Brand New!) 8/7/11 8pds 4oz 19 1/2in.
:angel: 04/07 (14wks) Rest in peace sweet angel baby
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Postby zohbeeeee » Fri Dec 10, 2010 9:28 pm

I know how you feel. I had a miscarriage back in June and then got pregnant again 4 months later. When I was pregnant with my son (now 2.5 years) I didn't worry as much since I was feeling sick all the time. I figured if I feel sick everything is going fine. Well with my next pregnancy I also felt sick. But found out that they baby stopped growing at just under 6 weeks. I never miscarried on my own so two weeks later had a D&C. Up until that time I was still feeling sick as the part that was to be the placenta thought everything was fine.

I am now almost 12 weeks pregnant and still worried. I keep remembering the pain and how shocking the whole thing was. It just seems so fresh.

Today I had my NT Scan which measured for Downs and it came back great, so it helps a little.

Luckily, since 6 weeks I have seen my baby 4 times. It helps to be able to get the frequent ultrasounds to put my mind at ease before it gets to crazy out of control. Are you able to talk with your doctor about getting more frequent ultrasound due to your anxiety?
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Postby kb0420 » Sat Dec 11, 2010 7:24 am

I know what your going through and all you can do is hope and pray that all is well. I lost my twin girls in the 2nd and 3rd trimesters. One of my DD's died at 18 weeks. I was totally caught off guard at a regular ultraound appointment. Then my other DD died at 27 weeks. For one full day I didn't feel her move and that made me nervous, although I still had all my other symptoms...nausea, vomiting, etc.. I went into the ER and it took them about 2 hours of ultrasounds and doctors in and out of my room before they told me she was gone.
There are no magic words that can be said to ease your worries. The whole process can be stressful but I can say it's totally out of our hands. All you can do is take care of yourself and know that you've done all that you can. Your little knows that you love them. God bless and GL this pregnancy.
Karyn
DD - 9/4/08 :babyg:
Twin Daughters Born Still 5/21/10@27weeks RIP :angel: :angel:
DS - 7/14/11 :babyb:

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Postby swankybich » Sat Dec 11, 2010 10:08 am

Your story sounds so much like mine :hugs:

I too had a mmc before DS#2 and I'm petrified. At 7 weeks, I went to the ER for spotting after sex (I'm RH-, had to get the shot) and we saw the heartbeat. At 10+ weeks, I spotted again after sex, back to the ER and the baby stopped growing around 7 weeks. No cramps, no real bleeding (everyone says spotting after sex is normal but I never have with my 2 successful pregnancies, and not so far with this one) I too ended up needing a d&c.

Like kb said, it's truly out of our hands. Try to stay positive because really, anything could happen at any time.

I'm actually buying a doppler on ebay right now :D
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Postby Ziggymomma » Mon Dec 13, 2010 7:08 pm

I lost one in July it was also a missed MC so as you said it's Been long and stressful but I somehow managed to find peace and faith. I'm now 17 wks and am just barely starting to believe. Someone else said they were guarded which I think was the best way to phrase it. I passed on all the screenings I just couldn't put myself through it all but am awaiting the 20 wk to confirm all is well then I will really breath. I guess what I am trying to say is it's normal but gradually it gets better. I did get a Doppler and although it didn't help as much in the first tri as I'd hoped it's nice to chichi now until the kicking gets mire distinct. Fx for healthy babies!
Allyson

Me 37
Dh 38
Dd 9 -5/20/02
Ds 7 - 1/8/04
Ds 5 - 4/7/06
Angel- at 9 wks 7/7/10
Ds Due 5/29/11
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Postby Patty411 » Tue Dec 14, 2010 5:40 pm

I could have written your post myself. I've had two miscarriages this year, the first one was a missed m/c at 9 weeks. I had no indication until the doctor couldn't find a heartbeat. I just got a BFP this week and I'm terrified.

Tonney's advice resonated the most with me: The human heavily favors survival.

Praying that everyone's pregnancies progress and you all have happy, healthy babies.
Me: 38 DH: 40
DS: Born August 2008
:angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: m/c May 2010, Sept 2010, Jan 2011 and Aug 2011
Expecting a baby girl in May 2012! :babyg:

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Postby Heather32 » Sun Dec 26, 2010 9:13 pm

Thank you all for your kind words and support...I truly mean that..I am praying so many times throughout the day for my baby to just grow baby grow...that and taking care of myself the best I can are all I can do...And looking here for support. Dh is one of those people who withdraws into himself and just steadily marches on which is of course good and bad..I am pretty sure he is just as nervous as I am. I am so sorry that so many of us have been down this path I wouldn't wish it on anyone in the world...may we all have happy healthy babies...I have a ultrasound scheduled for January 3rd which should put me a little under 8 weeks I think...so right around the time Angel baby passed so I just pray some more that all is okay at that scan...Thank you all again for sharing your strength..
Heather:33 DH:36 DS (6) 11/04 DS (2) 2/09
DD (Brand New!) 8/7/11 8pds 4oz 19 1/2in.
:angel: 04/07 (14wks) Rest in peace sweet angel baby
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Postby Heather32 » Fri Jan 07, 2011 8:16 pm

Well I had my scan and it was such a huge huge relief to see the little heartbeat flickering away..I recognized that little flash like lightening as soon as I saw it..and it made me just breathe...I dont think I even realized that I wasnt until my whole body just relaxed on the exhale. I know this is only one milestone of many but it was such a big one because although we found out the baby passed at 14wks it was 8 weeks when it actually became a angel. Just a few days after that ultrasound tech checked on the baby at the hospital and said "this is the heartbeat, I think". Those words haunt me...."the heartbeat, I think...." My doctors actions after that were even worse..I wish I could just forget the whole thing but the words play in my head like a song from the radio that just wont get out of your head..."find the heartbeat next time...next time...next time...."

Pregnancy is so hard for me...so filled with fear but I love my babies...I know that mentally this is our last baby because it makes me so so anxious...even if we hadnt already decided that 3 was enough..My stress level during pregnancy is just not good...
Heather:33 DH:36 DS (6) 11/04 DS (2) 2/09
DD (Brand New!) 8/7/11 8pds 4oz 19 1/2in.
:angel: 04/07 (14wks) Rest in peace sweet angel baby
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Postby Ziggymomma » Sat Jan 08, 2011 5:02 am

I hear ya my 20 wk scan is on monday and due to age and the MC I have been very worried. I chose to skip all the screenings because it wouldn't have changed my decision any but we would still want to know so in many ways I'm terrified of being told something bad. I pray for a healthy baby on Mondays scan. Fx
Allyson

Me 37
Dh 38
Dd 9 -5/20/02
Ds 7 - 1/8/04
Ds 5 - 4/7/06
Angel- at 9 wks 7/7/10
Ds Due 5/29/11
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Postby Heather32 » Sun Jan 09, 2011 10:11 am

ZiggyMommy...I agree with you and skipping the extra testing except that I want the extra ultrasound..I don't think the risk of false positives and the extra testing that goes with that warrants me getting the tests but I really really want the ultrasound...I cannot think of a way to ask for another ultrasound without sounding like a loon...I did ask if I could just get the NT scan and not the blood work (I asked the nurse but forgot to ask the doctor)..she seemed to think it all had to be done as a package....anyways thanks for reading my story....
Heather:33 DH:36 DS (6) 11/04 DS (2) 2/09
DD (Brand New!) 8/7/11 8pds 4oz 19 1/2in.
:angel: 04/07 (14wks) Rest in peace sweet angel baby
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Postby zohbeeeee » Wed Jan 12, 2011 6:47 pm

Don't worry about the NT scan. I just turned 40 and had mine done about a month ago and it came back great. It is such a relief to know. With having the miscarriage I was such a mess. I think it would have been worse not to know, because in my mind the baby already had downs. Meaning I just tended to make everything worse in my head. In reality, the chances are extremely small for chromosomal defects. Your odds of feeling much better after finding out are about 99%. Why not do it?
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