Misscarriage with D&C...

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Misscarriage with D&C...

Postby catqcake143 » Tue Nov 08, 2011 3:48 pm

Just last week we found out at 8 weeks pregnant that we did not have a viable pregnancy. We never got to see our little bean as it didnt make it that far. We went in for our first US at 7 weeks because I have a history of ectopic pregnancy and we needed to confirm there was no risk to me. At that point we only saw a sac so the doctor urged us to stay positive and come back in a week. Last Wednesday we went back and did not see any progress, then had to go in on Thursday for a D&C.

The D&C was the worst most violating thing I have ever had to go through and the emptiness I felt afterward both physically and emotionally was unbelievable. I am struggling with all of the emotions that I am having and am hoping to get a little support from someone out there. My husband is SO very supportive and my friends try, but I am finding that it is hard for them to understand what this feels like. I get a lot of the "At least there wasn't a baby that you saw" or "Its better that it happens now" or "You can try again in a few months". I know they all mean well but none of that helps me, whether we saw something or not I feel like I lost a part of me, like we lost a baby. I want to move on from this and I want to be strong but at this point I am not sure how. I am able to be strong for our 16 month old baby girl but the minute she is gone the fake smile goes away. Will this sadness go away? My hormones feel like they are all over the place, it feels a little like after nI had my daughter.

I am just looking for some support or words of wisdom out there, just someone to talk to that truely understands.
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Postby Kryssy » Tue Nov 08, 2011 5:57 pm

While I cannot comment on having a D&C, thankfully all mine cleared themselves. The pain of a miscarriage does get better, it will never really go away, as you did lose a baby. No matter what anyone says it is normal to grieve the loss. Your hormones are all over the place, so it is perfectly normal to feel that way.
I went through 3 chemical pregnancies in a row right before my DS was born. I teach kindergarten and I remember miscarrying and staring at all the faces of my students thinking it might not happen for me. I almost cried a million times in front of them.
Me: Kryssy 32
DH: 28
DS: Born Dec. 27, 2010
DS: Born Aug. 30, 2012
DD: Born Dec. 12, 2013
5 Angels.

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Postby HappyGoLucky » Wed Nov 09, 2011 5:41 am

I know your pain and I'm so very sorry.
When you're ready to try again go at it full force, don't let the loss of your baby keep you from trying optimistically.
There is a rainbow after the storm, took almost 4 years and 4 early losses but my little rainbow is kicking and cooing next to me right now.
Don't lose faith like I almost did.
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Postby bisnono » Wed Nov 09, 2011 8:22 pm

I've gone through 3 miscarriages and I know what you're going through...

It's a pain that unless you've personally experienced it, it's difficult to grasp what it feels like. The loss is real - no matter how far along you were, you DID lose a baby - and it's just devastating. And people will say idiotic things to you and they'll mean well, but they just won't understand.

I had a really difficult time coming to terms with my losses. For the first couple of days, my body felt like a tomb, rather than the warm, safe home it had been for my baby. And the emptiness was almost overwhelming. I thought I'd never want to try again. After the second loss, I lost my appetite and dropped 20 pounds in 3 months.

You'll never forget your babies - however short a time they were with you, they were a part of you, and brought you joy in their own tiny ways. People say time heals all wounds, but I think some pains just run too deep to heal completely. And actually, over time I've found comfort in the pain because it means I'll never forget them and because of that, they'll always be with me - because they represented the best of me and my husband.

There IS hope, and there IS still life after miscarriage. That much I do know. And the little guy currently kicking my bladder as I type this is my rainbow after the storm - and there are MANY women on this board who could tell you a story similar to mine.

My deepest sympathies on your loss. I'm so very sorry you're going through this. Please take care.

Sara
me~38
dh~37
TTC our first since July 2008
3 losses prior to 8 weeks
First visit to RE October 2010. One round of Femera in November (BFN).
**Surprise** Natural BFP April 4!!!!!
Beta 1 - 57
Beta 2 - 200
Beta 3 - 1681
Beta 4 - 7740
6wks - HB 102
7 wks 4 days - HB 163
8 wks 4 days - HB 183
12 wks 5 days - HB 158, doc guessed BOY
17 wks 2 days - confirmed BOY!

Our Christmas miracle arrived December 15, 2011! Welcome Paul Preston!
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Postby catqcake143 » Wed Nov 16, 2011 12:42 pm

Sara-

You explained what I am feeling perfectly. Sometimes it feels like I just can't put it into words. I know that people just dont understand, and coudlnt understand unless they have experienced something like this. The hurt is VERY real and the loss is so real too. It has been nearly two weeks now and I am feeling much better emtionally, I can at least make it through work without crying. I still get sad and just have to keep telling myself that timing just wasnt right, and the little one that is supposed to be with us will be. I can tell that the hormone levels are going down, however yesterday I took a test with a cheapy brand and it did come back faintly positive still. Is this normal after 13 days after miscarriage/D&C? I am no longer bleeding or passing any tissue, that stopped about a week after the procedure.


I have a couple of close friends that are actually about 23 weeks pregnant now and not even they understand it which blows me away, I honestly thought they would be the most understanding. I try not to blame them because i know they dont know better but sometimes its hard. I have a DD that is almost 17 months old who I am SO very thankful for and I completely realize that I am lucky to have her, however that doesnt take away the hurt of losing another. I have gotten that a lot, the "Look what you have, you should be grateful for that." And for some reason that completely gets under my skin and frustrates me. I AM grateful for what I have and because I am grieving the loss does NOT mean that I dont appreciate DD or DH. I guess its just frustrating.

I am anxious to get to the point of where we can start "trying" again, however I get nervous that when we get there I will be terrified. They gave us a go ahead in January(after 2 cycles), which would give us time to heal emotionally and let my uterus lining build up to support another perganancy.I know that I will be ready to be pregnant, but I dont know that I will be prepared to deal with a loss again if that were to happen.

I dont know, so many emotions right now its hard to keep everything straight in my head. Thank you again Sara for your response, it was amazingly sweet and does give me hope. xoxox

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