A special place to talk about your pregnancy after a loss.

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Postby Shannon88 » Sat Nov 26, 2011 6:19 pm

I hope that you all had a nice and peaceful holiday weekend. As I type this, I cannot get my anxiety and thoughts under control. I will be 32 weeks tomorrow and so far this pregnancy has gone pretty well. I have had some problems with my health but this baby girl has always been perfect.

Last Sunday, I went into preterm labor which was so bizarre because I have never ever gone into labor on my own. I was induced with my son (living) at 41.5 weeks and I lost my daughter at 40 weeks and 3 days. I went into L & D without waiting an entire hour because they were coming hard and fast. They gave me meds to stop it and I went home.

Tuesday, I saw my OB and he did a tri-color Doppler. The cord looked OK as far as blood flow and was positioned around her arm or leg but not around her neck. I am so paranoid about this because I lost my daughter Savannah to a combo of military hospital negligence and a suspected cord accident, although there was never any evidence of this and I caught it within an hour of losing her.

Wednesday, I had a fun 3D/4D Ultrasound that I had scheduled months ago. This was important to me because I did it with Savannah and it’s the most valuable thing I have. You can clearly see Savannah smiling, yawning, and she looks perfect. I don’t know how else to describe its value to me, but I’m sure you can all understand. The baby looked beautiful, but there was one picture of the cord near her neck and it was all twisted. Now I can’t get that image out of my head.

This pregnancy, I have been consulting with Dr. Jason Collins, a stillbirth research doctor who is highly respected and has made great advancements in the prevention of stillbirth in subsequent pregnancies. I emailed him the photo and he advised me that it did look twisted and to have another follow up in a week. I have an appointment on December 2nd with maternal fetal medicine. But today is Saturday and Friday seems so far away.

So yesterday, one of my other support group ladies went in to have a c-section of her rainbow at noon. She was 35 weeks and the baby was fine on the monitor but was born asleep and was unable to be revived. This scares me more than I can ever verbalize and I think probably scares anyone who is at this point. I know realistically that it can end at any moment and there is nothing I can do about it. I planned to have a c-section at 36 weeks. How could something like that have happened? She posted a picture of her belly before leaving for the hospital and mentioned that she was feeling anxious. I am just so heartbroken and petrified.

So, how do you deal with all of the anxiety and fear that comes with the end of pregnancy? Everyone tells me it won’t happen and what happened with Savannah is a fluke, but the statistics put me at 1 in 4 for this to happen again and now that I have a picture that her cord is all twisted, I can’t get that image out of my head. How could I come this far to lose it at the end. Any advice or wisdom for getting through the next 4 weeks would be most appreciated.
** Shannon **

Proud Submariner Wife to Eric 05/28/2005

Proud Mommy to Jeremy Ryan ~ born safely 08/03/2007 and Savannah Grace ~ born into Heaven 05/18/2009 & 4 MC Angels

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Postby Kryssy » Sat Nov 26, 2011 7:00 pm

I didn't want to read and run. While I do not completely feel your pain I truly understand the anxiety. I doubt there are any words that can help relieve what you are feeling. Go one day at a time and remember to breathe. One of my good friends just had her rainbow, after losing her daughter during delivery due to a cord accident the year before. It is possible and will come to you as well. If you are still anxious about it go to your doctor and have a serious talk about the image. I know with my friend her doctor was very good and they induced her at 36 weeks just to avoid another cord accident.
I remember being petrified of something going wrong, and DS not making it and I had no reason, so I cannot even imagine what you are going through. I will be praying for you to get some relief and that in a few ,(long,) weeks you are bringing home your beautiful rainbow!
Me: Kryssy 32
DH: 28
DS: Born Dec. 27, 2010
DS: Born Aug. 30, 2012
DD: Born Dec. 12, 2013
5 Angels.

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Postby HappyGoLucky » Mon Nov 28, 2011 12:26 pm

I was a mess too, so I totally understand...

I guess just try to focus on the fact that you're almost there and will be holding her in just a few weeks. That and she's the safest place she could possibly be right now.

God Bless you and you're little girl, like I said I completely understand your anxiety.
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Postby macleesy » Mon Nov 28, 2011 4:26 pm

I remember commenting to another babylost friend who was also pregnant at the same time, that I wished we could be put in a time capsule thingy, and wake up just before delivery. I have no useful advice, just hugs. It is so unfair that not only have we been through something so difficult already, but that this rainbow pregnancy is so difficult too. I guess the only thing to say is that the time will pass - no matter what you do, time is passing and I hope with all my heart that you will be holding your healthy little rainbow before you know it xx
Erin Nicole19 Dec 07
Annah Paige 2 Jan 11
Connor John 26 May to 7 Aug 09
My beautiful angel. :angel: So far from my reach, but so close to my heart.


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Postby Charese » Thu Dec 15, 2011 11:11 am

Shannon, I never knew this happened to you, after all our emails to each other after I lost two of my little one's earlier this year... I am so sorry you're feeling this way and I totally feel the same as you do... losing my child at 15wks was scary enough and when I got past 12wks, I was a wreck because I was worried the same thing would happen. I had my DS at 32 weeks because of placenta previa and when he was born he had his cord wrapped around his neck twice with 2 tight knots in it... he almost didn't make it and THANK GOD that I got the sign when I did (bleeding) that something was wrong or he would not be here today, turning 3.

Like you, I'm having a scheduled csection at 36wks 6days and am praying for the same... no issues. I will definitely keep you in prayer as you wind the last 2wks curb to holding your rainbow baby. Words cannot express enough how much I feel for you but you are DEFINITELY in all of my prayers... just like I was in yours. Thanks for being a virtual friend...
Charese (36) Hubby (34) DD (10 1/2) DS (2 1/2)

Angel Babies: 2/14/11, 6/17/11

Our 3rd:

132 :hb: 8w 3d
175 :hb: 11w 3d
154 :hb: 19w 6days
150 :hb: 25w 2days

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