Long story but...

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Long story but...

Postby jamamabear » Tue Mar 06, 2012 9:23 am

I would appreciate any advice!

Back in October I had a mc...I had no idea I was pregnant. However, judging by when I sarted bc I figured I was around 8 weeks give or take. It was really difficult, because like I said I wasnt aware I was pregnant. My Period (or what I thought was my period) started a week early, which was strange, but I figured it was just because I had just started taking bc pills. A week later I had HORRIBLE cramps, again I though my body was just adjusting. I went to the washroom, and that when ìt happened. At that point everything fell into place. Thats why I had been feeling nausea, cravings, irritability. I also took a pregnancy test two months before because I had a feeling, and it was VERY faintly positive. I didnt think anything of it. Anyways, of course I was devestated. We already have a dd who was one at the time, and we werent trying, but it was still so horrfic. I blamed myself completely because I had been drinking and such, not to mention having 5 million coffees a day. :? I suppose it was the way it happened that made it so horrible. I had to flush everything because I didnt know what else to do. Anyways, to try and make a long story shorter, I became very depressed, I wasn`t eating or sleeping and I was crying all the time because I blamed myself so much! I though it would be a good idea to tell our close family so they could pray for us and understand why we werent ourselves. I admit I did post a prayer for my son (dont ask me how, I just knew it was a boy, and it helped me deal with it) on facebook, but with that being said, I only have VERY close family and friends with private view setings, so nobody but those close to me could see what I was posting. This is how I was trying to deal because I didnt want to talk to anyone about it per se. Anyways, dh`s sister decided to butt her head in (she is one of these know-it-alls) she was msging dh telling him how she was worried I was severly depressed and also that she was worried for my daughters saftey. Which was completely RIDICULOUS. Yes I was depressed, but I am a darn godd morhter, and I always have been. My little girl comes before ANYTHING no matter how hard things are. Anyways, I sent her a msg saying we appreciated her concern but I would be okay. We just needed people to pray for us, but respect that at the time we didnt want to talk about it. Well one day she pm me and just started going on about how she thought I have been depressed since my daughter was born (which is also absurd) how I am an unfit mother. But that stuff didnt really bother me too much simply because I know we can all say things we dont mean sometimes. However, it was what she said next that really hit me hard.

``And since your already pissed at me, How did you even know you were pregnant? You do realize it would have been the size of a pea. How did you know it was a boy? What did you do with the body? ``

Am I wrong to think that these questions (which are direct quotes) are absolutly disgusting? Ecspecially seeing that we literally had JUST realized and lost our baby no even a week before. After she said those things I didnt respond. I couldnt. It was like someone had knocked the life right out of me. I was dumbfounded. I still am four months later. She then blocked both myself and my husband from facebook. After much discussion, dh and I both decicded it was best to keep our distance, and for the time being we didnt wish to have anything to do with her or her husband. We told this to them in an email. One month later she comes back and is pushing to be in dh`s life. Its like she is trying to turn him against me...She keeps trying to call and text him to this day. We both dont want anything to do with her, but how do we get that across to herÉ we have tried to tell her,but she wont listen! She even told him she would never give up trying, and I havent even gotten so much as an apology from her! Ugh ANyways, I just neeeded to get that off my chest. I would appreciate any advice at all from anybody. And if you have made it this far, then THANK YOU SO MUCH :D I know its been long
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Postby jamamabear » Tue Mar 06, 2012 1:52 pm

anybody? :(
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Postby Jamm » Tue Mar 06, 2012 5:45 pm

I am so sorry for everything you have been through. I would definitely distance yourself from your SIL. She sounds like she wants to stir up trouble and your emotions. I would do exactly what you and your DH are doing and avoid her. You have been through enough and if she can't be supportive and wants to make accusations than she is no good for you right now.


I hope you weren't put off by the amount of views and no response, most of the time actual members don't read and run. Guests are allowed to view posts in all the topics except Off topic so that usually drives the view number up and some boards just aren't as frequented as much as others.


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Postby jamamabear » Tue Mar 06, 2012 6:39 pm

Thanks so much! Its nice to have an outsiders point of view! Its hard when your stuck in the middle and trying to make sense of everything. Especially when you feel brain washed into thinking maybe I was the one in the wrong :( But thank you so much for replying :)
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Postby armywife1980 » Thu Mar 08, 2012 9:21 pm

Aww, hon I'm so sorry your SIL is a nasty hag:( You certainly didn't deserve that and it's none of her business about the details. I had a m/c prior to this pregnancy and I know what you mean about "just knowing" that your baby was a boy. She sounds very toxic and mean. Even if DH caves, you can still keep your distance from her. Hugs sweetie.
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Postby flipflop1117 » Mon Mar 12, 2012 9:50 am

I'm disgusted for you. How can anyone be so cruel? My sister made a comment that I deserved to lose our baby because I was a retched witch or something along those lines and I have never forgiven her for it. I think people who are miserable try and make others miserable by being as hateful as possible. Good for you for not responding to that nonsense and cutting her out. I wouldn't even think of letting her back in even if she apologizes. DH may want to as it's his blood but until she apologizes dirently to you and owns what she did, he should continue to keep his distance, too :hugs:
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Postby jamamabear » Mon Mar 12, 2012 2:44 pm

Thanks so much girls! Its nice to have an outside opinion, especially when I start to feel like I'm the one at fault :( I know that sounds strange, but she is horribly manipulative. Especially towards poor dh. I just cant believe the nerve of some people. And Flipflop1117, I am truly sorry you had that experience, I can understand completely!
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Postby Possum » Fri Mar 16, 2012 9:39 pm

It sounds truly awful. I don't know a thing about it (obviously) but my read of this is she had a lot of negative feelings about you and/or your relationship with her brother for a loooooong time. Though those feelings probably had nothing to do with you, mind you.

I would definitely steer way clear and it's a hopeful sign that your husband is the same (I'd hate for her to be able to create conflict between you since that seems to be the goal). It isn't that hard to block texts and calls, actually so that _is_ an option. Depending on whether DH is fully onboard.

I am a big fan of connections and family but this relationship sounds like a cancerous one. Maybe a year or two 'off' from it would be just the treatment. If it were me, I would write a brief heartfelt note saying "That was extremely hurtful but I realize it must have had to do with your own issues. I don't have the resources right now to deal with those issues of yours so we're taking a break from contact with you for a year or few. Someday hopefully you will be in a different place and we can talk about this. If not, we love you but can't have you in our life."

Number one piece of advice I could give? Try to find at least ONE new positive relationship to replace the negative one (whether you upgrade an casual friend to good friend or make a new friend). Minus one negative influence and plus one new support - give it a month and you will be amazed at how different your world looks!

Hang in there.

--Possum

P.S. It goes without saying but IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT (dammit)! You didn't drink hemlock. It just wasn't meant to be.
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