nursery woes

A special place to talk about your pregnancy after a loss.

Moderators: B Michaelson, southernbelle, jessm, 1daysoon, reapage, Honey Bunny, unaffected, maddy, TrebleLily

nursery woes

Postby Lilymon » Sat May 04, 2013 12:10 am

Hi all,

I have a small dilemma that I am hoping some of you can help me with.
We have a lovely nursery all ready, which has been standing unoccupied for about a year and a half. Our first born died at a half hour old, so we never got to bring her home.
Now we are pregnant again and I am having mixed emotions about using the things which were initially intended for our other baby.
Should we re-do the nursery? Should we buy a different stroller?
I feel that by using the very same things with our new baby, we are trying to 'replace' our other baby - I know that sounds weird, but I can't shake the feeling.
On the other hand, if our first baby had lived, we would have used the same stuff for our subsequent babies anyway....

Did any of you face this dilemma, and what did you do?

Thanks a lot
ImageImage
Image
Lilymon
StickyDuster
StickyDuster
 
Posts: 135
Joined: Sun Apr 14, 2013 5:04 am

Re: nursery woes

Postby macleesy » Sat May 04, 2013 6:15 am

Big hugs Hun. Congrats on your rainbow pregnancy! Its awful that we have to make these decisions for our babies. Only you know whats right for you, and what would help you heal the most. You might feel that redoing the nursery is a way of helping to see this new baby as a new joy, and a chance to do things over. Or you might see it as a gift from your daughter and a way of including her and remembering her. Either way is right and fine. You aren't trying to replace her, just heal those aching empty arms.

As for me, I reused most everything for Annah. Partially because it had already been used for my first daughter anyway, but I did put a few carefully chosen items away as special to Connor.

Either way there will be some bittersweet moments when you are sitting in your nursery with your new baby, and can't get away from thinking I should have been holding my angel. But just remember that new baby is going to bring such joy, and joy and sorrow can co-exist together. You won't forget your daughter, and neither would you want to.

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Kahlil Gibran

Again Big hugs hun, Be kind to yourself during this difficult time
Lisa
Erin Nicole19 Dec 07
Annah Paige 2 Jan 11
Connor John 26 May to 7 Aug 09
My beautiful angel. :angel: So far from my reach, but so close to my heart.

Image

Image
User avatar
macleesy
Girlfriend
Girlfriend
 
Posts: 1568
Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2007 12:00 am
Location: New Zealand

Re: nursery woes

Postby Rosie-o » Sat May 04, 2013 1:40 pm

I'm so sorry for your loss :( Huge hugs.

I lost my last daughter, she was stillborn at 20 weeks. We did have some things for her ready and I'll be using them for our little boy to be in August. Another baby-loss Mumma said once that if we'd been able to keep our babies, their things would all be used for their little brothers or sisters. I want this baby to have his big sister's hand me downs- even though she never got to use them.

It's totally up to you, if you can't see yourself using them, don't. Do what feels right for you. xxxx
Me: 31
DH: 30
DD1: 2nd Feb 2010
:angel2: Sept 2011 @ 9 weeks
DD2: stillborn March 2012
DS: 31st Aug 2013
Rosie-o
Star Member
Star Member
 
Posts: 328
Joined: Wed Oct 03, 2012 1:28 pm
Location: Australia


Return to Pregnant After a Loss

cron