BFP feels different this time (after recent M/C).....

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BFP feels different this time (after recent M/C).....

Postby Jenny84 » Tue May 21, 2013 10:50 pm

Hi everyone,

I'm hoping that I'm not the only person who experiences these conflicting emotions that come from a BFP after a loss....

This morning after waiting and waiting to test I saw two pink lines. Almost 10 weeks ago in March I had a heartbreaking m/c at 11 weeks. It was my first pregnancy and my husband and I were so thrilled. It was just devastating in a way that I know so many who suffered a loss can understand. So after my m/c in march I got my 1st period in April. Now today May 21st, I found out I'm pregnant again with what I hope is my rainbow.

But It was just so different finding out. It was like I couldn't be as excited as the 1st. Even telling my husband today was different than the 1st time we found out I was expecting. There was no jumping for joy. Just cautioned looks on our faces. We told our selves that we will be excited after the first trimester. Even though in my heart I know that I am so happy and excited I just cant get over how 'different' it feels this 2nd time.

Has anyone ever felt this? Will it go away? I'm scared that we are just going to be down and 'ho-hum' till the birth and that just seems sad to me.

It must be a self protecting mechanism because we learned how things can become so heartbreaking so fast. To see our baby alive and moving on the ultrasound to the very next day seeing no movement, no heartbeat..... It still hurts.

It's as if we feel that we aren't capable of the happiness and joy this time because of what happened before.

I would just love to hear that I'm not the only one who feels this way after a BFP after recent loss....

Thanks Gals,

Jenny
Me- 28yrs
Hubby- 29yrs
TTC Since Oct 2012,
BFP #1 - MC at 11 weeks March 2013
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Re: BFP feels different this time (after recent M/C).....

Postby hopeful88 » Wed May 22, 2013 8:41 am

Jenny,

First, sorry for you loss and congrats on your BFP!

I am in a similar situation. Ttc #1...super excited when we got a BFP in Jan. Didn't make as far as you as we never got to see a hb; just kept waiting and hoping maybe it was a slow grower. I'm so sorry for your loss and can't even imagine how you must have felt.

I first got a squinter on a wondfo late last week and didn't even tell DH until the next day after a 2nd test that was a darker. Had a beta yesterday and am hoping that tomorrow's numbers look good. (Last time we had a little scare with the betas then they were ok...)

Anyway, we vacillate between excitement and nervousness...best described as cautiously optimistic. But I'm one of those people who hates being disappointed so I won't let myself get too excited. I think we'll breathe a little sign of relief at every milestone...2nd beta, 1st scan, hb, 12 weeks, etc...

I think it's natural to be a little scared and hopefully we'll both feel like we can "let our guards down" once we make through the 1st tri. Hang in there. You're not alone!

Congrats again!

Andrea
Me- 36
DH-31
Baby #1 EDD 1/25/14
It's a Girl!

mc Jan 13, D&C Feb 13

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Re: BFP feels different this time (after recent M/C).....

Postby bazil323 » Wed May 22, 2013 11:56 am

It is different, and while everyone feels a differently about losses, it does get easier once you pass the point where your previous loss was. Mine was really early, so by the time we saw the heartbeat at my 7 week ultrasound, we were much more optimistic. Although, everything was different with this time around; I waited until well after my period was due to test (mostly because I was spotting and thought AF was coming), I had better temperatures that stayed high, and I just had a feeling that it was going to stick I guess. The first time, the tests were so faint and my symptoms went away, so I never really got that excited about it, so when I lost it just a few days after that first positive, it was hard but somewhat expected I think.

Every day & every week that passes, I get more and more confident that this one was going to be ok. I still worry sometimes, but once I passed that first hurdle of seeing the heartbeat, I breathed easier. It may not be as much of a comfort since your loss was so much further along, but the odds of another loss after seeing a heartbeat are really really small. It may help to focus on your relationship with your partner in the meantime because no matter what happens with the pregnancy you have each other, and strengthening your bond now will only help in the future I think. I hope everything goes well for you!
Recently had our first child and have been married since October 6, 2006. I'm 27 and DH 29.

First pregnancy chemical, January 31, 2013.

Got our BFP on March 6, 2013. EDC November 11. Born November 11, 2013!
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Re: BFP feels different this time (after recent M/C).....

Postby Jenny84 » Fri May 24, 2013 12:07 pm

Thank you ladies so very much.

We too are cautiously excited. We talked about it more and my DH reasured me that he was excited and scared at the same time. All natural feelings. Thanks you guys I feel more normal now and the news is settling in a little more.

Going to be a looooooong first trimester of not telling anybody ;)


Thanks!!
Me- 28yrs
Hubby- 29yrs
TTC Since Oct 2012,
BFP #1 - MC at 11 weeks March 2013
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Re: BFP feels different this time (after recent M/C).....

Postby photogbabe » Mon May 27, 2013 7:54 pm

jenny,

i came on here looking for someone going through the same thing! i just got my bfp today after a m/c at the end of february. (my first pregnancy) i was also 11 weeks along, and it was so so hard when there wasn't a heart beat. getting the bfp today, my initial reaction was relief, then joy/crying, then the nerves set in. i wish i could fast-forward to next february and have a healthy baby, but i'm hoping to at least make it past the first trimester without a nervous breakdown. my dh is cautiously hopeful, too, i don't think either of us know how to really feel, it's like a little ticking time bomb in there and there's nothing you can do but wait and hope for the best.

my doc wanted me to make an appointment immediately after getting a bfp again, so i'll be doing that tomorrow...she wants to check progesterone levels. i ended up have 2 d&c's after getting an infection after the first and spent two nights in the hospital. i will do anything to not have to go through that again. the baby boom among my friends has also been really hard. any experience with that? EVERYONE is preggo and honestly i've avoided so many social situations because hearing about their pregnancies was just too hard. i thought i'd feel differently after getting the bfp, but i'm such a bucket of nerves right now that i just can't get excited and let my guard down quite yet.

best wishes to you, i hope everything goes smoothly and that you have a healthy little babe of your own soon, too!
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Re: BFP feels different this time (after recent M/C).....

Postby jazlynn4/28 » Tue May 28, 2013 7:25 pm

Jenny,
I lost my baby girl last month in the second trimester at 18w. I seen her on 5u/s kicking her feet and sucking her thumb. I have had 2 bfn and 2 bfp... I am terrified. I don't want to go halfway through my pregnancy just to lose the baby again. I know how you feel. my prayers are with you all and lots of baby dust for sticky beans.
Alissa-33
Dh-40

Mc 18 weeks 4/28/13

Due date 4/28/14

My rainbow baby is due on my Angel babies birthday!

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Re: BFP feels different this time (after recent M/C).....

Postby bazil323 » Thu May 30, 2013 8:28 am

My prayers are with you ladies & hoping for happy, healthy pregnancies. I can't tell you that you will never worry once you get past the point where the loss occurred, but in my experience, it does get easier. I think the worst time is before you are showing & before you start feeling movement. I'm just starting to feel faint little flicks but only every few days, and it really had me wondering & worrying if everything was ok when I felt something and then nothing for a week. It helped to remind myself that I am experiencing symptoms and everything up to this point has been good, focusing on the positives rather than what might go wrong helps more than anything right now.
Recently had our first child and have been married since October 6, 2006. I'm 27 and DH 29.

First pregnancy chemical, January 31, 2013.

Got our BFP on March 6, 2013. EDC November 11. Born November 11, 2013!
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Re: BFP feels different this time (after recent M/C).....

Postby eribear » Mon Jun 03, 2013 6:16 pm

Congrats & sticky vibes to all you ladies and your rainbow babies! And thank you so much for posting what I've been thinking-- we're still waiting to try again after our loss (haven't had my first cycle yet), but I'm terrified that since losing our first I'm not going to enjoy it if/when we do get another BFP. Hearing your stories, in every stage of it all, is a huge help. I can't even begin to tell you how much I appreciate it.
Baby #1 EDD: 3/25/2015
Beta 1 (15 dpo) 504
Beta 2 (19 dpo) 1767
Beta 3 (21 dpo) 4056

It's twins!
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Re: BFP feels different this time (after recent M/C).....

Postby Happychicks » Mon Jun 03, 2013 6:30 pm

My story isn't like yours but I'd like to share... This is our first pregnancy and from the time we found out, I was so convinced I would miscarry because I am very overweight and reading all these info about your chances of miscarriage before 12 weeks... I was terrified to let myself enjoy it for fear of losing it and being crushed emotionally. Now that I'm 12 weeks, I'm starting to finally let myself bond and believe and be positive.
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Re: BFP feels different this time (after recent M/C).....

Postby Gooey » Sat Jun 08, 2013 10:59 am

Hey Ladies, I completely understand your concerns. Firstly, let me say that I am really sorry for your losses. I think it is normal to have these feelings after being hurt in a way so unexpected and certainly unwanted.I got a BFP October 2012 and then miscarried at 10 weeks. This wasn't my first miscarriage. I actually had one at 5 weeks in July 2011. Fortunately, shortly after that we conceived DD and she is doing quite well. So the same outcome can happen for you ladies and I truely hope that it does.

Anyway, after the miscarriage in Dec 2012, we started TTC and about 5 months later we were happy to have another BFP. Unfortunately I miscarried what appears to be twins about 3 weeks ago. The u/s showed they were 6 weeks but based on bbt they should have been 7w4d. No heartbeats were observed either. We are still greiving. Even though I was aware of the precentages of babies going to term especially given that me and DH are 36 years, I just never expected that I would have 2 miscarriages back to back. As well, the statistics are very good for healthy babies after a miscarriage.

Please understand that my intention is not to increase your anxiety but rather show another side of the story. My advice to you is to allow yourself to feel the emotions as they arise. But also know that statistically your babies will go to term and be healthy. Unfortunately, there are those of us that are in the 3% or 1% and that brings a whole lot of other emotions I never even thought of.

Hoping for a happy and healthy nine months for all you ladies.
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