How long do I wait?

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How long do I wait?

Postby Erin33 » Sat Apr 26, 2014 12:04 am

On April 8, 2014 I gave birth to our stillborn son Henry. I am completely heartbroken, I miss and love my son more than anything in this world. I of course would give anything to just have him here with us and get on with out lives with him in it. But that is clearly not going to happen and I feel I am being forced to take the fast track on accepting that. I am 34 years old (Henry was born on my 34th birthday) and we don't have any other children. We struggled for a year and a half just to get Henry, so who knows if we will have the same difficulties with the next one. I know another baby will never replace Henry, he/she will be Henry's sibling. But I still feel guilty wanting to try again so soon but I also feel the sooner the better. We want a child if not multiple children and our age limits our window on making that happen. I see my doctor on Tuesday for my first follow up postpartum and to hopefully get some results on all the tests they ran trying to find out what went wrong. I plan to talk to her on when she thinks it is safe to try again.
But I also wanted to ask you ladies on your opinions or personal experiences on when you tried again. I also want to ask personal questions if anyone is willing to answer them. Henry was 38+2 weeks, so he was full term when we lost him. Have any of you lost a baby that far along and then gone on to have a full term, live birth? Or I suppose lost a baby at any point in the pregnancy and gone on to have a full term, live birth? When did you try again?
I loved being pregnant, I miss having him with me and I look forward to that feeling again. However I am scared to lose another baby, I am so heartbroken...I don't think I could go on if this happens again. I suppose a lot of it will also depend on what the test results show. We have strong speculations that it was placental insufficiency because it was almost half the size that it should have been. It followed Henry out and surprised the doctor when she was passing Henry off to the nurse to see the placenta already. I think she even said something about some blood clots. So we don't believe there was any sort of cord accident or that Henry had any health issues. No matter what, I will be considered "high risk" for the next one and monitored closely throughout and will more than likely be induced early.
I trust my doctor and her plans for the next pregnancy. But I still want to hear some of your experiences, things to expect and some stories of success. I want to know that you amazing ladies who had to also go through this were strong enough to try again and with success.
#1-Due 04/20/2014 - Angel Baby 04/08/2014
Me-34
DH -35
TTC #1 since 08/2012 - Successful July, 2013
History of Endometriosis (laparoscopy 07/2003, lesion removal). History of Chocolate cysts, PCOS unconfirmed.
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Re: How long do I wait?

Postby Skippers86 » Sat Apr 26, 2014 6:26 am

Erin, I am so, so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the pain you are feeling from losing your son.
While my miscarriage pales in comparison to your experience, I felt too that the thing that would heal my pain the most would be becoming pregnant again. I couldn't stand to feel so empty and it seemed like everyone around me was having healthy babies and that was devastating. I do not have any life changing advice for you, just to do what you feel is right -- only you can make the decision to try again.
TTC since April 2013, 2 miscarriages, expecting #1 January 4, 2015!!
It's a BOY!

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Re: How long do I wait?

Postby CrunchyMama » Sat Apr 26, 2014 11:48 am

I cried reading your story! I have not gone through this but I know we are all strong and can make it through incredibly hard times like this one. From what you say about it taking you so long to conceive I would say as soon as doc says go and you are emotionally ready then try again. My boss lost hers at 6 months and went on to have live births. Also you are the most fertile right after birth so I probably would not wait more than 2 months, but of course it is completely up to you!
You sound strong and i am sure someone has a plan for you and it should involve a sibling to Henry that you can hold and raise! Keep us posted please :) xoxo
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DD 1/2/7 BF'd 22mths
DD 12/13/14 BF'd 2yr8m
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BFP 9/20/17 EDD June 3rd 2018
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