my twins holding by a thread...

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my twins holding by a thread...

Postby snflowr » Thu Sep 11, 2014 3:31 pm

Hello all,
I have been TTC naturally for almost a year now. After a BFP followed by a c/p, I got pregnant again after a couple of months, naturally. I was over the moon b/c my early betas looked very good and I didn't need progesterone supplements; I haven't been bleeding. We stopped doing betas after around the 5th week (b/c once they reach close to 10000s, they are not as useful as u/s).
I have always had this fear that something would go wrong (that's what we do after a loss, right?) and I had this gut feeling that my intermittent, light symptoms didn't mean that I was just lucky.
When I went into my first u/s, I was extremely happy to hear that there were 2 babies!!! (At my advanced age, and still trying for baby #1, that would be fantastic). But, both measured exactly 2 weeks behind (6w instead of 8w). Unfortunately, my dates cannot be off by more than a few days, b/c I got a BFP days before AF was due; I can't have conceived after that. I just think they are developing too slowly, or stopped developing. More concerning is that both their heartbeats are low, even for 6 weeks.
Because there is a heartbeat, we are not talking about miscarriage yet. But I will go back in a week, and I am already grieving this terrible potential outcome. From what I read, including research, there is very little likelihood that both size and heartbeat will catch up, and even if they do, the risk of chromosomal abnormalities, birth defects, esp. heart defects after they are born are too high. I don't know what's worse... I tried hard to calm down, but broke down last night, thinking 'who am I fooling, this will not work again?'.
I guess I can handle another loss, even though I teared when I saw a little girl at the lab today, I cannot look at anyone's child, because I worry about things not getting easier with time. After all, releasing two eggs at this age suggests my ovarian reserves are not good. My body was trying to compensate for that.
Thanks for reading my longwound dispirited post. I am just not ready to share my TTC troubles, let alone my losses.
I still hope there will be a major miracle.
TTC #1 since Nov 2013; 38yo
BFP May 2014, lost at 5.5 wks.
BFP Aug 2014 w/twins, lost at 9 wks
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Re: my twins holding by a thread...

Postby camronsmommy » Thu Sep 11, 2014 4:36 pm

Snflowr! I am praying so hard that things take a turn for the BEST! I'm so sad to hear that you are going through this. I know it's difficult to just not know what the outcome will be.

I'll keep you in my thoughts, hoping and wishing your two little ones will catch up and everything will be okay. Pm me if you need to talk/vent.
It's a BOY!!!
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Re: my twins holding by a thread...

Postby ekkotack » Fri Sep 12, 2014 7:40 am

oh my gosh my heart goes out to you! i'm so sorry you're having to go through this. and the waiting and not knowing is the worst!!
Ekko - 35
DH - 33
DD Ellis born 10/26/12

Angel Babies:
Oct 13 blighted ovum D&C
April 14 blighted ovum D&C

BFP #4 8/22/14
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Re: my twins holding by a thread...

Postby snflowr » Tue Sep 16, 2014 11:55 am

update: The embryos did not grow further and their heartbeats also stopped now. So I am waiting to see if I will pass naturally. The news hasn't sunk in yet, so I am thinking about when I can try again and when I might get a BFP. I need a bottle of wine! Thanks for your kind words. It's so difficult.
TTC #1 since Nov 2013; 38yo
BFP May 2014, lost at 5.5 wks.
BFP Aug 2014 w/twins, lost at 9 wks
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Re: my twins holding by a thread...

Postby camronsmommy » Tue Sep 16, 2014 12:13 pm

Snflowr this breaks my heart :( you know the girls on the ttc side are really helpful and supportive. I pop in over there often to see if any of us update

I'm just so saddened that you have to go through this :( *hugs* you're a strong woman and you'll make it through.
It's a BOY!!!
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Re: my twins holding by a thread...

Postby ekkotack » Wed Sep 17, 2014 5:20 am

ugh....so very sorry, hun!
Ekko - 35
DH - 33
DD Ellis born 10/26/12

Angel Babies:
Oct 13 blighted ovum D&C
April 14 blighted ovum D&C

BFP #4 8/22/14
ekkotack
StickyDuster
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Posts: 80
Joined: Mon Mar 03, 2014 7:40 am


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