people who says stupid things..

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people who says stupid things..

Postby epona87 » Sun Jun 17, 2012 7:37 am

So my boyfriend has a half sister who is honestly.. a huge b**** most of the time. The first thing she said to me when we told her we were expecting was "Yeah, have fun with that, giving birth is horrible."

My boyfriend and I have already decided to have a home birth. I have a wonderful midwife who is very experienced and well trained and she makes me feel at ease with everything I am going through. My boyfriend think she's amazing as well. This is just the right decision for us. I'm not in a high risk category, I'm very healthy and in pretty good shape. It's my first pregnancy and I decided I didn't want any drugs and I want to be in my home where I feel relaxed and comfortable.

Anyway... His sister heard that we were planning a home birth and didn't she just have something to say about it. ALL negative of course. "Oh, yeah, well your baby could die" and "You're not going to be able to do it without drugs. I couldn't"

Ughhh!! She's sooo annoying and so negative about everything. She has two girls and she had drugs with both of them and she still insists it's the most horrible experience you'll ever encounter. Which is odd...because she's the only person I have heard that from. I have lots of friends with children and none of them have said it was horrible. A lot of them have said the opposite!

So why is she being like this? Is it any of her business? And I really want to say something about her bad attitude and shitty advice.. but I don't know what to say..

Any ideas?
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Postby litmajor » Sun Jun 17, 2012 7:57 am

Any baby dying comments- look her straight in the face with a surprised look and say "Why would you say something like that?"

The epidural- "We are two different people with two different bodies- I'm not sure why you would hold me to your standards."

My old boss used to spout tons of negative crap like this- it's so strange that people like that get pleasure out of telling you how miserable you will be. Why get down on someone for wanting something unmedicated? Natural birth advocates yelling at those who choose an epidural drive me nuts too- why can't we all just let each other make our own decisions? It's great that we have all of these options, so why are we attacking each other over them?

As for why she might be saying this- I've found that people who say things like "You can't because I couldn't" (as if that makes ANY sense) tend to be showing their insecurities. There is nothing wrong with her having an epidural, but maybe she's self-conscious about it? And no, it is NONE of her business how you deliver your child.
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Postby armanda8 » Sun Jun 17, 2012 8:41 am

You are very able to do it without meds... I had 5 all med free births and 1 with a failed epidural. I think that in your case it would be easier if you are at home without the drugs at your disposal, where at the hospital they are only a request away.

As far as the horrors of labor stories... for me, it was very hard and painful... but just for that last part is it unbearable. And pushing was a relief, not pain. It won't be a walk in the park, it's not intended to be, but you CAN do it!!!!
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Postby epona87 » Sun Jun 17, 2012 8:42 am

Thank you. I know.. I mean, I don't harass people if they tell me they're wanting an epidural. A woman's labor and birth is a very personal thing.. and it's a personal decision. What works for some won't always work for others. She had medication and I didn't tell her she was an idiot for choosing that option. I feel like she's just uneducated about the natural birth process and about midwives and home birth. It's easy for me to see she's being unreasonable because I've actually taken the time to research both sides. Medicated vs. Unmedicated. & for ME, I would prefer unmedicated. I trust my body and I feel I can do it.

It's honestly gotten to the point now though.. That I dread being around her because I know she will say something negative and it makes me upset. I don't like confrontation and I don't want to have to justify my decisions to her. We are going to a fathers day BBQ at my boyfriends dad's tonight and she will most likely be there. I just want to prepare myself to be able to say something to make her shut her mouth when she starts talking badly about my choice.

Like really, I just want to tell her. "Listen, If you're not saying something positive then please say nothing. It's my body and this is my personal choice. Any negative opinions or advice you have can be kept to yourself."
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Postby specialkel » Fri Jun 22, 2012 12:05 pm

She is erroneously assuming that since her experience was so painful WITH meds, that an experience WITHOUT meds will be even more painful. Obviously, those of us who are educated on natural childbirth and the side effects/consequences of medicated labor know better than that. Your BF's sister is simply ignorant--she lacks knowledge, information, or education on the matter. And chances are, she has no interest in learning anything, so the best thing to do is say "I'm sorry your experience was so horrible. That's really a shame" with as much sincerity as you can muster, and leave it at that.
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Postby BeccaM » Tue Jun 26, 2012 5:23 am

specialkel wrote:She is erroneously assuming that since her experience was so painful WITH meds, that an experience WITHOUT meds will be even more painful. Obviously, those of us who are educated on natural childbirth and the side effects/consequences of medicated labor know better than that. Your BF's sister is simply ignorant--she lacks knowledge, information, or education on the matter. And chances are, she has no interest in learning anything, so the best thing to do is say "I'm sorry your experience was so horrible. That's really a shame" with as much sincerity as you can muster, and leave it at that.


This is good advice! Every woman's body is different. And the natural methods of coping with pain with confidence, relaxation, and comprehension of what and why the body is doing what it is doing are VERY effective! The mindset of embracing the birth process as natural and beautiful is the most important, even if things don't go quite as you planned or expected. But usually, if you prepare your body and mind, you can achieve a completely natural birth with no issues!

I am not picking on anybody at all--I respect every woman and the decision they make is personal to them and their needs! I just regret that the birthing process and decisions seems to be more and more taken away from the mother and put into the hands of doctors and nurses and what not. That loss of awareness, understanding and acceptance of the natural and beautiful process of birth makes me sad :(.
Isaiah, born Nov 14th, 2010, @ 39 weeks, 2 days. 8 lbs 2 oz. All natural hospital delivery.
Simon, born Mar 23rd, 2013 @ 39 weeks, 3 days. 8 lbs 4 oz. Our first home birth!!

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Postby nevergivingup » Mon Aug 13, 2012 2:55 pm

I agree with you I would love to have a home birth, to do that miracle done at your home is amazing. And if I can I def going for no medicine. My brother gf talks reckless too, telling me I don't need to have kids until I finish college Bc they'll mess me up.......ummm I'm married and my DH wants kids so back off please and let me live my life Bc I'm going to enjoy this amazing experience, after 2 m/c's I think I'm going to love it and I know you will too!!
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Re: people who says stupid things..

Postby Charissa » Thu Nov 08, 2012 3:17 pm

Your boyfriend's half sister sounds like a very unhappy and insecure person. It sounds like she had a really unpleasant birth experience, maybe more traumatic than she is willing to admit, and she seems to be projecting her anger about it onto you. Maybe you could say to her, "I'm really sorry you had such a bad experience. I know birth is really difficult, so I am hoping to make mine as easy as it can be." Other than that I guess you'll have to ignore her. Your only alternative is to respond as negatively as she does, and I'm sure you want to stay away from that! You can't control her feelings, but hopefully you can remove yourself from being around her as much as possible.
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Re: people who says stupid things..

Postby mom_of_3 » Wed Jan 09, 2013 9:55 am

EVERYONE CAN DO IT WITHOUT DRUGS! Many people are just scared into it by the doctors and nurses. You will be great.
DD 1/22/07 6.6lbs C-Section
DS 3/12/09 9.5 lbs Medicated VBAC
DD2 4/12/11 9.6lbs Natural VBAC in Hospital with Midwife
EDD 8/7/13 Planning Natural VBAC with midwife.. not sure where yet

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Re: people who says stupid things..

Postby oktober84 » Fri Jan 18, 2013 5:16 am

Everyone's opinions are all very valid and important, but please do not forget the few of us who despite educated ourselves about birthing and labor, still had to take pain iterventions. That doesn't make me ill educated or ignorant to the issues surrounding natural birthing, just that I am one woman out of many who couldn't emotionally or mentally get through the pain. And that does not make me weak. It does not mean that I didn't do what was best for my baby. I tried and did not succeed. And yes there are plenty of women out there who are too afraid to even try without epidurals or interventions but their fear should not be used against them. And they should not be called ignorant or uneducated. They were just afraid to either research natural laboring or to afraid to try it. For whatever reasons that are none of our business.

But a**hole people like the BF's sister are another kind of woman. And yes I agree with some of the above statements. BECAUSE of how she approached the subject, but lets not forget that we women have defense mechanisms and maybe her assh*le comments were just her way of defending herself from maybe a decision she regrets. Who knows.

But again everyone's opinions are all very valid and no one is wrong.
ME-33 DD-7 DS-3 DD-1

March 19 2009 Haley Gianna Mikaela was born 5lbs 15oz. (39+3 WEEKS)
April 11 2013-Lucas Brian Alexander 6lbs 6oz (36+4 WEEKS)
May 07 2015- Tenley Grace Daenarys 6 lbs 4oz (37 WEEKS)
Baby #4 due September 07 2017
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Re: people who says stupid things..

Postby mom_of_3 » Sat Jan 19, 2013 7:51 pm

oktober84 wrote:Everyone's opinions are all very valid and important, but please do not forget the few of us who despite educated ourselves about birthing and labor, still had to take pain iterventions. That doesn't make me ill educated or ignorant to the issues surrounding natural birthing, just that I am one woman out of many who couldn't emotionally or mentally get through the pain. And that does not make me weak. It does not mean that I didn't do what was best for my baby. I tried and did not succeed. And yes there are plenty of women out there who are too afraid to even try without epidurals or interventions but their fear should not be used against them. And they should not be called ignorant or uneducated. They were just afraid to either research natural laboring or to afraid to try it. For whatever reasons that are none of our business.

But a**hole people like the BF's sister are another kind of woman. And yes I agree with some of the above statements. BECAUSE of how she approached the subject, but lets not forget that we women have defense mechanisms and maybe her assh*le comments were just her way of defending herself from maybe a decision she regrets. Who knows.

But again everyone's opinions are all very valid and no one is wrong.



I hope I didn't offend you by saying EVERYONE CAN DO IT... I simply mean that honestly.. if you had no other choice that everyone could physically do it. Not everyone chooses to and I don't hold that against anyone. I do, however, HATE when people tell a woman she will not be able to do something simply because she was not able to do something. I would never want to run a marathon and could not physically or mentally do it... if I set my mind to it I could but it would take a lot of training.. just like training for a natural birth. I have three kids and two of them were NOT natural at all.
DD 1/22/07 6.6lbs C-Section
DS 3/12/09 9.5 lbs Medicated VBAC
DD2 4/12/11 9.6lbs Natural VBAC in Hospital with Midwife
EDD 8/7/13 Planning Natural VBAC with midwife.. not sure where yet

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Re: people who says stupid things..

Postby litmajor » Sun Jan 20, 2013 8:30 am

I can agree with the above. I think having an epidural is ok, telling someone she will have to is not.

And I responded to this topic before my DD was born.. I want to say that after 36 hours of contractions (and no sleep for two nights), I opted for an epidural in an attempt to sleep before pushing. It worked on my right side for a little bit, but overall, was a massive fail. All it did was ensure that I was confined to the bed and had to be cathetered to pee (I am 99% sure I could walk, but obv, the nurses weren't going to let me). In hindsight, DD was born less than 2 hours after getting the epidural, and I probably should have just waited it out. Next time, I plan on getting more preparation in pain management techniques and/or alternative pain relief.
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