June 2010 mamas #3

[CamsMommy]

do any of your kids try and bang their heads on stuff when they throw them?

All. The. Time. Or he tries to lick or bite something. I try to ignore it but he does it anyways. As long as he's not hurting himself I just let him go at it. lol.

[skyley27]

thanks that makes me feel better! yesterday we were out of cheese and he started banging his head on the fridge not very hard but still lol Luckily so far he hasn't hurt himself which is good

[CamsMommy]

I was wondering what behaviors everyones lo's are doing? Today I took Cam to a program called "40 Carrots" today and I was a little concerned. The room was split off into 5 sections (dolls, clay, cars, coloring, legos, and blocks). It may have been that Cameron was overwhelmed with being around other kids and in a new setting. He was all. over. the. place. He say down for maybe 1 minute (if at that) and was off to something else. Then it got to a point where he didn't even want to play with any of the toys he just wanted to open and shut the door. I just picked him up and we left. He was stepping on peoples fingers (not on purpose) and walking on all the toys. It was too much. I don't know what is "normal" behavior. There were other kids that were around Cam's age and they were very well behaved and played with the toys. I feel as though all this is my fault. He hasn't been around other kids his age. I try to get him to activities with kids his age but it's hard.

Does anyone have any recommendations for books or websites that have developmental milestones or behavior patterns or something. I feel like I should know so much more. The joys of parenthood.

[mamadru10]

Sorry if I seem distant... not ready to come to terms with losing my bub yet. I woke up this morning covered in blood so I'm not going to bother having my blood work done today. I have been staying busy so that I don't have time to think about it. Jr has been a big help, hes very cuddley over the last couple days, even wiped my tears and said "no-no cry mommy". All of my losses are not in my siggy, just the ones from the 2.5 years we were trying for charlie... this makes my 12th pregnancy and I have 3 wonderful children. 2 of my losses were twins, this never gets easier but for some reason this one is hitting particularly hard. I'm not even sure I want to ttc anymore, DF seems to be uneffected by this and keeps telling me that we will try again and tells me to take the baby aspirin and prenatal.

Camsmommy, charlie is the same way! I guess maybe its because he isnt around other children his age very often.

Skyley, Yes, bub has those tantrums too... as for the last 5 months. Now as long as he is safe we ignore them and when hes calmed down we explain to him as best we can when he can't have/do whatever it was that he was upset about and apologize that it is hard for him to use his big boy words to tell us what he is feeling. They are starting to taper off some now.

[CamsMommy]

I am so sorry Mamadru. I can't imagine the pain that you are going through. Even though we are hundreds of miles apart I am sending you a virtual hug. If you want to chat or anything on the phone I can also pm you my number or email. Maybe your DH is dealing with things on his own. I will be praying for you all. Hang in there.

[mamadru10]

I found out that DH is taking this pretty bad too, of course that had to happen in front of our therapist! Poor guy. Also found out that he ordered more hpt and opk without even saying anything about it, he keeps telling me that he really thinks we schold try again. We decided to find out how much the test will cost and see about getting it done on monday. Part of me is hoping they find something, anything to give us an explanation of why this keeps happening to us, then the other part wants them to find nothing. But 12 pregnancies with 3 living children is a good indicator that something is wrong somewhere. On friday I started feeling really lethargic and heavy, so I called my doc to find out if it was normal. After I did DH told me that he put a xanax in my coffee... I'm upset with him about it but at the same time I think I understand why he did it. He said watching me cry almost constantly and blaming myself for "my body killing our baby" and being so sad was more than he could handle and that he wanted me to be able to be calm and relaxed even if it was only for a few hours. I think i'm at the stage now where I can accept what happened and not be mad at myself for it, but I think a facebook page for us would really be a great idea, it is so hard comming on here becuase eventhough I know i will feel nothing but hurt/anger I still lurk in what would have been my ddc and the trimester boards. Seeing other women with their bump angers me and I get jealous... I feel so bad about it. My family said I should just give up and be happy with what I have.Ok, I think I'm done ranting for now lol!
How is everyone else doing? What are your plans for the holidays? Now that our babies are getting big are you starting any new traditions?

[Jeanie]

mamadru--I am so sorry. No matter what anyone says, it is heartbreaking to lose a child at any stage. *hugs*

TANTRUMS--yes! DS throws these all. the. time. He was flinging himself backwards to start the fit, but after hitting his head on various hard things and realizing it HURTS, he is now throwing himself forward. I am probably sounding like a bad mom, but when he throws a tantrum, I let him do whatever he's going to do unless it's going to SERIOUSLY hurt him, because he does something that hurts and realizes he shouldn't keep doing that. Of course if he were by something that could crack his head open or whatever, I move him. It's just that first initial fling that he does that I have no control over. Also, he has learned "no" in a bad way now! He was just being cute with it before but now he is telling us "nooooooooo! no! no!" all the time. He is only 16 months old! Terrible ones, not terrible two's, I say!

Fun, good things--He is really loving books right now and will go pick out books all the time and climb up in our laps to have us read to him. He also sits on the floor and turns the pages in his books and babbles like he's reading us a story! So cute! Also, on the way up the stairs to go "night night" he has developed a habit of stopping half way up, leaning through the railing on the staircase, and giving us a kiss! Of course we are following him up the stairs to keep him safe, and if you saw the layout, it would make sense. But it is so cute and our only guaranteed kisses throughout the day! Also, he has taken to running to me at random times with arms wide open to give me a big hug! It melts my heart and I love him so much.

As for the holidays....I have to work both Thanksgiving and Christmas as of now. It sucks. I'm really sad about it because I love love love holidays and family means the world to me. I really just want to cry even thinking of it. So I guess I won't be starting any traditions this year because I won't really even be there with DS.

[mamadru10]

Jeanie, it sucks that you have to work. I used to be forced to work holidays too. jr loves books if he can destroy them ahhh! We keep his up on a shelf and take them down to read them to him. He refuses to give us kisses oter than maybe once a week so luck you. No more tantrums, now when the big boy don't get his way he hits! We don't hit him so I have no clue where that is comming from. The only thing I can think of to do when he hits is put him in his room and give him a few minutes to calm down. No is also a favorite for my bub, he even says it when he means yes! I swear the terrible twos started at about 15/16 months for us as well. He is also repeating everything we say. If we say something he says it like he's asking a question. I love that he seems so close to me though, he says hes "mommys bebe" lol. He has really helped us through this loss. I do get lots and lots of hugs, and hes earning to sit in his lil chair set and play at his table... they are so cute when the are this age, the way they learn everything so fast and are so curious about everything... I'm trying my best to enjoy every second because I know it will be over before I blink. YAY! I got my spring semester figured out and enrolled... most of my classes will be online, not sure if that's a good thing, I'm usually on here when I tell DF that I need to do my school work. I guess it goes by fast though because after the spring semester I only have two more before I get to graduate

[Jeanie]

mamadru--awww! So cute he says momma's bebe! Mine isn't doing that yet. Still trying to teach him the word baby, especially before the next one comes. Glad he's helping you through this rough time. Kids seem to know when we need extra hugs. When I've had some rough times, DS seems to cuddle me more (he usually prefers Daddy's cuddles). Too bad about the hitting--we also do time outs, very short ones, when we don't know what else to do.

Funny today--we were at the mall and I took DS to a little blocked in kid's play area. There was a 12 month old running around. DS went right up to this big pig thing the other kid was playing on, and just yelled! The other kid scrunched his face up, crying, and ran to his daddy! We all were cracking up (the other parents too, thank goodness). I apologized and we told him to be nice! He was just being his crazy, loud, self, but this startled the other baby! Also, he is used to being at daycare, and was so confused why the other kids wouldn't play with him! Poor guy.

[mamadru10]

Hmmmm.... if my beta hcg was only 6 last wednesday then I should be getting neg. hpt right? I know they say it can take 6 weeks for your hormones to go bacck to normal but, if my number was so low last week I would think that I should be seeing negatives on the tests by now? Anyone have any ideas on whats happening? They did start to get lighter, but now they just seem to be lingering. I'll pick up some more today on my way from school and try to post pics later tonight if I poas... WTH . I know I really should just let go but I think If were going to start ttc again then I need to know whats going on inside my body! I'm NOT holding onto any hope that I didn;t miscarry because I know better, just a bit confused.

[Beegee]

Oh my goodness, I had no idea we had a new thread going and that I'd missed a few pages of the last one. Just finished reading and catching up.

Mamadru, i'm so sorry I missed what you went through! I'm so sad for your latest loss. I hope you keep TTCing like your DH says, but I also completely understand if you stop. It can be so hard and so sad.

Camsmommy, I can't believe the insurance company! And that sh!tty realtor!!! You poor thing; how insulting. I'm glad you're a healthy person and can temporarily afford to go without insurance. I wish you guys had universal health care in the US. I know we pay an insane amount of taxes here, but I've never had to spend one minute worrying about healthcare.

Skyley, thanks for popping in! My LO is banging her head when throwing tantrums too. Sheesh, these babies!

Jeanie, that sucks you dind't get the NICU job and that the other one was a bust! I so badly want you to be working in a place that you like for once.

AFM, not a lot to report, just missed my June 2010 mamas!

[mamadru10]

Beegee- how are you feeling? I am so happy for you and Jeanie! Are you going to find out what you are having or are you going to wait?

AFM- It has been a rough week or so with all the ups and downs, but I think I'm okay now. From my expierience I'm pretty sure that I'll O in about a week, so poor df again lol... I ordered my opk and hpt from amazon though and forgot to change my address with them so they are going to take some time to get here ugh! Hopefully by monday or so because I only have 2 opk left! Just not sure if I'm supposed to continue the baby aspirins when I get a bfp again... anyways I think I'm starting to ramble. I think it's about time to go to bed.

[CamsMommy]

Beegee- I was wondering where you had gone?! Glad to see you back.

Jeanie- That is so cute. Our kids are so stinking adorable. Working on the holidays stinks. I hope that somehow someone let's you spend it at home with your family.

Mamadru- I hope that your OPK and hpt's get there soon.

AFM--I took Cam to get some of the shots that he missed because of the lack of insurance. I did not know that the department of health gave free immunizations. I guess I rely too much on insurance. I am still in the application phase of getting Cam insurance. Hopefully I will hear something back soon. After he is taken care of I will start to look for insurance for me.
We close on the sale of our house on the 23rd! I am so excited to get rid of that bad boy. Good riddens! lol.

[mamadru10]

Camsmommy- Glad your ds got his shots. Insurance really does suck. Good luck on closing with the house today.

AFM- eep! I need some advice... I think I might need to change my lady bits doc. I feel so guilty, so for a bit of a background, he is the best doc in the area and came highly reccomended when we started our ttc journey the first time. Hes tall and gorgeous Heres where my problem comes in. For the last 3 nights I have had some very vivid dreams about him they don't involve sex and thats what concerns me! Last night I dreampt that I had some sort of machine in my house that I was using to test people (really wierd) and he was the one that had to give the results etc... well we were on a phone call and we discussed a patient and he randomly uttered those 3 little words... I said yeah I know I'm doing a great job but thats a bit overboard, then he told me he wasn't talking about my work performance... After that things got really um, wierd? If the dreams just involved DTD I would be okay with keeping him as my doc but they were pretty emotionally involved. We started moving his stuff and his children into my house! (hes married and has 3) What do I do?

[Beegee]

Hey Mamadru!

I'm not one who reads into dreams. Like, at all. So I wouldn't do a thing, personally! Nothing wrong with your mind/subconscious doing a little bizarre behavior while you sleep!

It would be TOTALLY different if any of that stuff happened in real life, but to me-- dreams are totally fair game for everything, bizarre/inappropriate/whatever. Can't help what we dream about!

Don't worry!