
Momma, I know its hard. Could you go up to the hospital by yourself in the evenings after you get your DS settled? I know with me, my favorite time to go was late at night when my other kids were asleep in bed because then I didn't feel torn. It is so hard when you have other kids. Could your DF take your son for a walk while you are with your other LO? My husband and I would trade times, I would watch our kids while he spent time with the babies, and then he would watch teh kids while I was there. Then I would go up at night.
Feeling upset about your baby being in the NICU is normal, and doesn't neccesarily mean its PPD. Both my girls were in for 47 days, and maybe I am the minority here, but I wasn't depressed. Was it hard, yes, were there times I cried, and felt like it wasn't fair, and times I just wanted to grab my babies and take them home, yes, but depression, no.
I am sorry your little guy has had a few set backs, but try and focus on the steps forward! He is gaining weight really well, that is awesome. I know you want him to just get better so you can take him home, and the set backs make you feel bad, but try and look at it anouther way, and understand that even though he is back on IV, it is the best thing for him right now to help him to get better. The most important thing is your babies health, and so if he has some set backs, he is in the right place, and getting the best care. It may seem like forever right now, but soon he will be home, and getting that baby chunk on, and you will be the one taking care of him. You can help him now, just by being there when you can, and talking to him, kangarooing him when you can, try and just enjoy the time you have there with him, even if its only a short time.
As for your DF, try not to let it get to you. I don't think men understand what its like as a mother with a baby in the NICU. My husband I don't think understood my feelings, and so he just didn't say too much about things. It is a weird place to be, and its hard to know what to say, or how to deal. Your emotions are all over, your hormones are all over. Just be gentle with yourself, know that this time is only a small blip in the grand scheme of life, and soon you will be home with your baby moving forward. (((HUGS))) You can get through this, and it is ok to cry. Sending you prayers of strength and huge hugs!!