Is it awful I'm not even excited?

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Is it awful I'm not even excited?

Postby RachRainbowHope » Thu Mar 10, 2016 8:28 am

I just got a BFP. My husband and I have been trying for a year. I have 1 missed miscarriage, 1 regular miscarriage, 1 chemical (last cycle).

I was excited about the last BFP because I'm thinking third time's the charm. But I go in for the blood test and negative.

Now a fourth positive. I have no children. Doing loads of blood tests and so far they can't find what's wrong. I'll start expensive genetic testing next month. We have to spread them out because they are so expensive.

My prolactin is fine, my thyroid levels are fine, same with testosterone.

I just don't have much hope. Anyone out there have multiple miscarriages and pregnancies to finally carry their FIRST baby to term?
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Re: Is it awful I'm not even excited?

Postby cbusluv » Wed Mar 16, 2016 10:26 am

My first pregnancy ended in mc and I was devastated. 26 days later I got a Bfp and wasn't excited...just terrified. I kept waiting to I can empathize with how you are feeling right now. I don't think I let myself to get excited until 9 weeks or so. Even then I kept thinking it was too good to be true. I am 17.5 weeks now and so far so good. The worry never goes away...but I am feeling pretty optimistic.
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Re: Is it awful I'm not even excited?

Postby Mantis » Wed Mar 23, 2016 5:55 pm

No it is not awful it is OK. I have been there and I am there at the moment. Losses are truly awful and there is no right way to feel.

Just try as hard as you can to be kind to yourself and roll with the feelings. That is what I am trying to do. I got a BFP yesterday and am waiting on those first betas and everytime I think about it I get a little sick. I was excited yesterday but DH was very cautious. I want to allow myself to be happy when I feel it but also allow myself to feel scared

Hope everything was ok x
Me: 31 (tests ongoing.. so far normal fertility)
DH:33 (male factor fertility: 20% motility)
Married 23/03/2013
TTC #1 since 1/2015
M/C @7w3d
Cycle 29 days. LP: 10 days
Supplements: Vitex, B6, Vit D, Prenatal Multi-Vit (Me), Menevit (DH)

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Re: Is it awful I'm not even excited?

Postby elohcin » Wed Mar 23, 2016 6:14 pm

It's pretty natural to lack excitement after losses. I think a lot of it is a way we protect ourselves. I lost two before my first, and then five before my 4th, and then four before this one. It has totally stolen the innocent joy of pregnancy. It's no longer a "what if" like a pregnancy occurring without a history of loss, as it feels so much more real and we know what the pain is like and we know the reality of having to mentally and emotionally prepare for the possibility. So no, not awful at all. I think it's a form of coping, really.

But congratulations on this little one and I will be praying that this baby sticks!
Me (30) DH (33) Married 12 years!
Mama to 4 in arms (ages 10, 8, 6, 3) and 11 in Heaven
Thanking God for a new little one coming our way in 2016!
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