Background on us:
Me 31 Hubby 34
6 years of vaginismus, one last trial for treatment and success with dilating exercises!, first enjoy and make myself believe that i can have sex! Then start ttc after we are convinced that the monster is really defeated.
20 months of cbfm, temp, preseed, smep, or every other day, this and that you come across on ttc boards but no success.
Hubby has 80 million swimmers, which is not the best but quite ok. I ovulate every month, on cd 18 and have a 16 day lp - which feels like forever.
I start hubby on carob syrup and zink, selen tablets, and in 3 months his swimmers increase to 120 mio.
I start soy iso 100 100 150 150 200 mg and bring my o forward to cd 15.
on cycle 20, it is my turn on our Yasin group and we read the surah for me to have a healthy baby. I also read Maryam/Maria and quote all the people mentioned in the verses who were given miraculously a child and pray that i and others who ttc experience the same miracle. I have been doing it since we started TTC. I have no hope left, but I am clinging to the fact that my husband asked for a baby when he first saw Kaaba, and deep inside i know we will be rewarded for not breaking up our marriage when we were challenged by my illness. I am sick and tired of being tested but i don`t rebel. I seek solace in ttc forums, because no one knows that we are trying, i cannot take extra pressure. I feel more and more brittle every time af visits.
cd 12 - Neg OPK - CBFM Low
cd 13 - Neg OPK - CBFM Low
Cd 14 - EWCM - Neg OPK CBFM Low - Sex me on top - Soft Cup
Cd 15 - EWCM - Neg OPK??? CBFM Low!! (Weird) - Sex me on top - Soft Cup
Cd 16/ 1DPO - Neg OPK, CBFM Low, Temp increase
Cd 17/ 2DPO - Neg OPK, Temp increase
Cd 18/ 3DPO- Neg OPK, Fertility Friend gives me cross hairs, Sticky cm. I know i ovulated and CB products missed my surge for the first time in 20 months.
4dpo- 7 dpo: sticky cm
6 dpo - boobs start to hurt if i press them at sides - this is how i know progesterone started to peak. It will disappear at 12 dpo and at 17 dpo my af will start.
8dpo - 9 dpo killer migraine - typical for me. (I suspect 8dpo is the implantation day)
10 dpo- =((( my boobs ceased to hurt, i cry =(( and i constantly poke my breasts, no they dont hurt. probably i ll have a 14 day lp, it has happened once before.
11 dpo - breasts look large
12 dpo - shy smiley shy smiley, i woke up with a sleep orgasm! I wasnt having a wet/ nude dream, but wow that was intense.
13 dpo - nothing, my sister in law gives birth that day and send us a photo of the baby. i feel happy but depressed. maybe I am jealous, I dont even want to admit it to myself.
14 dpo- i fall asleep on the couch and woke up with a sleep orgasm again!! hehe
15 dpo - my temp is slightly high (by 0.2 degrees) for 15 dpo, and my breasts are still big but not hurting =(( I still poke them.
16 dpo - temp is same, But i dont think about it, it is our 10th wedding anniversary. After a romantic dinner, I fall asleep on the couch watching Notebook with hubby, (my anniversary treat/ his big sacrifice haha.) Which woman does that on the earth, fall asleep before the lake scene!!
This is where I get suspicious and I say what the heck, i go and pee on a internet cheapy. Oh it might be a wonderful anniversary present! A red ink moves forward with the wetness and stops at the control line, what was i expecting, stupid me. I wash my hands and when i reach for the towel i see a faint faint line. But it is dark and it is late evening pee, and I am half sleepy. Still, I go and get my well invested CB digital. I dip the thing in the toilet! yes i haven't peed in a cup. In less than 10 seconds it reads "Pregnant" and then I start sobbing loudly. My husband finds my crying on the floor and he tries to make sense of the scene. I cannot talk and i hand him the test, and he says it says 2-3 weeks here.
I did not event wait to read the week estimator. He still does not get it, and i can finally talk, all i say is it finally happened, we are pregnant, there was nothing wrong with me. He sits with me and we cry in joy and in thankfulness.
Today I finished my 15 week. I waited this far because it was very surreal and i had no symptoms. I never had nausea, morning sickness, discharge, frequent peeing, ib etc. I felt i needed all these symptoms to have a viable pregnancy. But apparently no. My first weeks was pure stress due to lack of symptoms.
And here I am in my 2nd trimester. Now I pray for delivering this baby healthy and raise him/her as a good, dignified & responsible, loving, caring person. I pray that no one struggles with TTC. I truly hope no one suffers from vaginismus.
I certainly embrace a specific faith but there is only one God, and he is so gracious and merciful - my prayers were answered, Alhamdulillah. and i hope yours will be as well.