I've been part of this ttc community since 2013, and I am so excited to say that after 5.5 years and $20k that this ttc veteran is graduating! I used to think BFP stories like mine were super scary. I would scroll through and think "wow, I can't imagine waiting years for a bfp" and "no way that'll be me". I think most long term ttcers agree that we all felt that way until one day we looked up and realized it *was* us. It happens slowly and somehow all at once. So if you're reading this, whether you're brand new to trying or you've already crossed into infertility territory, please know that the journey is not so scary. At times very hard and harrowing, but nothing you can't handle... one day at a time!
Anyway, here's the short version of what these past few years entailed: We were up against borderline low motility with no other known issues. We proceeded more slowly than many couples do, mostly because (in case you didn't already know) this shizz is expensive, lol. We did 3 unsuccessful IUIs before taking a break and switching to a clinic with much more personalized care. We did a mini (minimal stimulation) ivf in 2017 with a "freeze all" protocol and had our first transfer in Feb 2018 with two great embryos that didn't take. That let us with one, and perhaps they saved the best for last because the late November transfer was the miracle we'd been waiting for. I'm pregnant! It still sounds so surreal. My beta HCG numbers are within range and rising appropriately. We are still deep in prayer that this little one stays healthy and strong, but I have done by best to lay my worries at God's feet and let them go.
Don't worry, I won't deny you the symptoms! Two days after our 3-day transfer (5dpo equivalent) I had really terrible period like cramps on and off for a few hours. By four days past transfer (7dpo equivalent) I was running hot and just not feeling great. This went on for a few days. I can't say it's nausea so much as just feeling gross all of the sudden, and I was more prone to an indigestion feeling after I ate, which is a symptom that has continued and worsened. By 6dpt (9dpo), my bbs were getting tender. Bbs are such a tricky symptom, and mine usually get sore around 9dpo so I didn't think much of it. But they stayed sore, which was unusual. I took all of these "symptoms" with a grain of salt, but looking back they paint a clear bfp picture to me. I also had a very calm and serene feeling for much of the tww that maybe it had worked. During my meditation practice I felt very grounded and nurturing and connected to our embryo, like I was Mother Earth and this little seed had taken root and sprouted within me. Sounds nutty but hey -- the beta came back pregnant! :D I love every symptom though. Indigestion? Yay! Hot flashes? Bring em on! Sore bbs? The sorer the merrier! Side effects of being long-term ttc I guess.
Anyway, that's my story. This community offered me so much support and wisdom over the years, and I'm so grateful. I'm humbled by what these past years have taught me and I can't wait to take those lessons in faith, patience, and perseverance with me as I move forward. You're all in my prayers. If you're reading this and wondering if it could be you, YES, it could be you. Through God all things are possible. Take a breath and know that you can't be anywhere other than exactly where you are right now. Relax. All is coming.
Faith, trust, and baby dust,