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Trying-to-Conceive Blog

Luckyduck23's blog

Anyone wondering

just a quick update that I had the official anatomy scan today. It's a girl! And measuring EXACTLY to my ovulation date at 18w4d, which I think is pretty awesome lol.

Basically though,after my bfp I did more research and came across the fact that just about everything I did in my "sway" was wrong. She's gorgeous, I just can't wait to meet her. Nothing is going well with DH, or with anything else for that matter. But "this too shall pass" and I know once my lil girl is in my arms everything will be ok. I wish I was around more to cheer y'all on and encourage some pma bc I've noticed so many are still struggling and it hurts me to see it, but I'm having the hardest time finding any positivity within myself these days and the guilt of that is pretty unbearable in itself. I don't understand why He chose me to have a baby right now, and to keep going through the worst case scenarios. I don't understand a lot and I'm just taking it day by day.

So so depressed

I just don't know how to deal anymore. I am so sad, so lost. I'll be leaving to FL for a few months next week, without DH.  Not because were not okay, were amazingly great and he's been so supportive and way more into this pregnancy than I couldve hoped, but our circumstances around us are falling apart, we cant afford, well, anything. Cant afford the insurance on the car, cant afford the gas to get DH to work and back, were so behind because were spending all our money fixing up this house trying to put it in overdrive to get ready for the baby, yet were getting nowhere.. At this rate, we wont have any money to buy anything to prepare for baby, and go figure before the move here I sold all of Dds baby stuff. So now for the next 4 months of my pregnancy I'll be away from DH and he'll be away from his daughter and I am so fucking sad, I'm so TIRED of never catching a break!! 

But the good news is at the end of this month DH gets his promotion and raise, and in fl I have help from my circle to get a job. Of course its temporary but that extra money in our pocket would be a significant come up right now, and if DH isn't busy trying to provide for dd and I while we are at my moms he can save too and in 4 months time we should have enough to be living comfortably AND provide for this next baby. Not to mention were cutting off the utilities at our house and DH is going to stay with MIL for those 4 months. I'll be back when I'm about 7-8 months along so DH won't get to be at the gender reveal with me, he won't be at the first us or hear the babys heartbeat, all the things he cherished so much while I was pregnant with dd.. It just makes me so sad and I can only imagine how he feels, thinking about his daughter leaving again and not being there to watch my belly grow.. I guess we've been through worse though. Life is rough and I am not excited, I'm miserable and hve done nothing but cry all day at the thought of having to leave dh AGAIN, but we gotta do what we gotta do. Here's to hoping its worth it..

in other news; I think its a boy!  lack of bb soreness, ms, and general feel good feeling has me thinking this with a little bit of intuition mixed in.. Once I'm in fl I'll be scheduling my NT scan and im hoping I can get a good nub shot for the angle of dangle theory, its pretty darn accurate for the gender if you get a perfect shot!(; 

DH wants me to take a poll, soooo

Ok first of, were all pretty much anonymous to each other so I hope no one is too shy to answer! it's a bit of a tmi poll(since we love tmi around here!)(;

reason for the poll: I don't give DH head except on rare occasions.. It's not that I'm not good at it (i don't have a gag reflex, I'm kind of a pornstar when it comes to giving head lol) or don't want to, its just that I get so damn BORED, like 5 mins into and I'm falling asleep bored. I'm not the type who gets super turned on by seeing DHs excitement (maybe  im a lil selfish in the sack lol). This  was never really a problem but when I was pregnant with dd, DTD hurt most of those 9 months, so bad that we would have to stop mid sesh (which of course i will then help him finish, no problem). Well now that I'm pregnant again he & I are worried thats going to start happening again (there has already been signs that it will), and DH says when/if it does I should be givin him head atleast twice a week since DTD becomes much less often..Currently when he wants it, he has to sort of beg and give hints for 2-3 days before I do it..

So 1st question: How often do you give your SO head?

2nd question: what is YOUR opinion on whether head should be a "given" if I can't DTD and DH reeally wants it, should he get it no questions asked? Am I jerk if I say no and we haven't had sex for 3 days already (Hypothetical scenario so far, could def become real if this pregnancy is anything like with dd!).

3rd question- DH wants a for sure twice a week "deal" for head (like if it's Saturday and I've only done it once that week, I should 100% do it Saturday too), is this a plausible request or just crazy? Like I said I don't really give DH head so I've kind of forgotten how often "normal" is for people, twice a week seems a little excessive to me? I was saying once a week and we could have a deal lol


Cinnamon and conception??

sorry I'm blowing up the blogs today, but has anyone ever heard about cinnamon aiding conception? Apparently this was talked about on Dr OZ, and it's been used for women with pcos bc it helps lower insulin resistance, therefore aiding conception! 1/2 teaspoon a day suggested.. Welllll.. I didn't know any of this and with my irregular cycles, who knows what was "wrong", be it endo, pcos, or cysts, but I was taking about a teaspoon - teaspoon 1/2 everyday as part of my alkalizing diet! I thought id share as cinnamon is so simple, cheap, and tea or on a piece of toast with honey.. Chinese medicine says it also increases pelvic bloodflow for women and even men can take it to increase sperm count..Wouldn't hurt to try, right ladies?(:

One last blog post, due for af today..

I thought I would make a list of the haves and the have nots from this pregnancy compared to last from the days surrounding when af is due, so maybe it can ease someone's mind about how different symptoms can be for every new pregnancy, or what you "should" feel like when af is around the corner!

so last(2nd)pregnancy (early mc, most likely stress related)-

haves: extremely sore/tender bbs, af cramps, headaches, insomnia, roadmap blue veins on chest, extreme nausea and smell sensitivity, bleeding gums, super extreme emotional sensitivity, extreme bloating

have nots: frequent urination, sensitive nipples, hot flashes (but my afternoon temp was always high at 99.4-99.7), exhaustion, irritability, heartburn

i also had ib on dpo 7&8ish, brown spotting, one instance both days

this pregnancy(3rd)-

haves: frequent urination, stretching cramps, pinches in abdomen, itchy bbs, "insomnia" at night but exhausted during day, irritability, frequent heartburn, hotflashes - beside frequent pee, these are all pretty normal af signs for me. These are all symptoms I've psyched myself up over before!

have nots: no ib so far, tender bbs, sensitive nips, smell sensitivity, roadmap chest, headaches, bleeding gums, bloating

So, my bbs are just barely tender the same way they were around af last cycle, and I only get maybe one random wave of nausea in the evening, it's barely enough to notice though. I also had an extreme lack of symptoms on 12 dpo after having what felt like af working up a storm on me, which is odd. Last cycle symptoms continued until af, the cycles before they let up much earlier than 12 dpo, so that was weird. And note that every symptom has been super light aside from almost constant cramping up until today (and missing on 12dpo). I really thought af was just being a weirdo, per usual!

I know my body is a bit different than it was before my last pregnancy, so perhaps thats why its so different but I think this shows that tww symptoms shouldn't hold too much weight on your mood and positive vibes, don't let it get to you if you don't feel how you "expect" you should feel!(:

I've struggled with my faith, but God will alwys find a way to show you His will!

So, as you know I was basically having a meltdown over how the heck I could tell DH Im pregnant, well let me tell you, I absolutely did not give this man enough credit!! i was SO scared I was going to be met with anger and hostility about the situation, but I wasn't at all! I was met with unconditional love, an amazing amount of support, and of course a little bit of reality mixed in there.. I'm so relieved and so grateful that I chose this man for my life, he amazes me more and more with each passing day of our marriage. I really was on the crazytrain, thinking something like this would distance us from each other.. I was feeling iffy about if DH had really become this changed man that I've been seeing this superman side of, but last night shut every last one of those fears down. I'm so happy, SO happy!!!!

and get this. This HAD to be Gods will (I struggle with religion, but absolutely have faith)!! DH didn't "not pull out fast enough" like I assumed!! He said Nope, no way, NEVER, not since he caught me back on this site (LOL).. Since he realized how bad my baby itch was (he knew before we spoke on it) he's been EXTRA careful, just as the DH I know would be!! He assured me 1000x times that this pregnancy was conceived from preejaculate, like, WHAT??! I mean, I know its *possible* but I've been convinced my whole life that getting pregnant from precum is a myth, that's its really on the mans self control/how fast he pulls out. I was convinced every "pre ejaculate pregnancy" was conceived out of not being a pro like my DH.. But apparently not!! Apparently this stuff really actually happens to people, and it happened to ME!!

So ladies, this even further brings me to suggest trying fertilitea, it's is WELL worth the $15!! if you have any reason to try something different, try the tea! even DH agrees it had to be the tea, possibly the tea and alkaline diet mixed, but def the tea. he says I was helping things get healthy down there which in turned helped me get pregnant. Like seriously ladies, I still haven't wrapped my head around the fact that this was no accident.. This was fate. This was Gods plan, this is a lesson we are learning about our family and our love for each other... Happy tears!!!!

ill be around to cheer on those bfps and stalk charts and whatnot, and every now and then I'll update where y'all can help obsess with me over what symptoms could be blue and what could be pink(; lol! & I am praying every night that each of you struggling with ttc are blessed with your bfps in the very near future! Thank you everyone for being so supportive to me with this, I don't know what I do without y'all to keep me sane!!

I'm scared :(

I'm scared to death to tell DH. As much as I wanted this, I also didnt want it. I didn't want "unplanned", that happened once before and ended miserably. I didnt want unstable, which is exactly what we are and why the decision to wait was made. It was all so logical, and of course I always had hope but I knew that high you get from being so hopeful would be short lived the second it became real, I always had relief when af showed and shutdown my crazytown.. it was for the best for the future of our family. This I didn't want. This is too fast! All that time waiting (atleast 2 years!) and here I am saying its too fast. And how guilty I feel For that! You have no idea the jealously I feel, this should be the most exciting and wonderful news DH could hear and THATS WHAT I WANTED! Not this. Not another "burden" to him ( my words, NOT his ). I'm scared to freaking death, especially after today was such a trying day. This was not in good timing. We are going to pick up DHs 9year old daughter  next week, he is stressed to the max, being that he hasnt been able to see her for since i was 6 months pregnant with dd, and finances are rough. He's nervous and overwhelmed about our finances, I havent been able to pick up a job since being back from fl (no time!), and everything is such a mess right now with our house (it's a real fixer upper). I just wish that "opportune" time to tell DH would jump out at me like a old Nike slogan, JUSTDOIT, and itll be ok and not this awful depressing convo I know it will be. I want this announcement over with, and I am so freaking upset that I have to feel this way. I didn't want it this way :( I want the same happiness and excitement there was with dd, I want the excitement of a full out plan for boy, I want DHs full support and him to be as ecstatic as I am. I may not ever have a chance at any of that now, this might the last child I have. I never ever imagined myself with more than two myself and dont plan to change that. Just.. :(

and I am sorry to be complaining about something I should be so incredibly thankful for (and I really am Thankful!!), but I don't have anyone I can talk to. As a matter of fact, I'm not sure I'll be telling either of our families until we know the gender. I'm tired of the way MIL treats me, I'm tired of how my mom feels about DH, our families don't mix. They wouldn't be excited so why bother? I seriously feel so heartbroken right now :(

and I know it shouldn't be on me bc I'm not the one who didn't pull out fast enough, but I wanted it and just had this talk about how badly I wanted it with DH. I'm worried now that everything I go through with this pregnancy will be met with "well you wanted this" and snarky comments instead of pampering :( this really is a miserable feeling and I know the only way to get past it is to go ahead and tell him and wait for the reaction.

if you know my story I've mentioned how when DH and I were in the midst of divorce, it seemed that the mc had a part in saving Us. What if this one making it is what brings up back to almost divorce???? ugh tht sounds crazy what's wrong with me? I really hope this is a case of me not giving DH enough credit. My nerves are shot :( :(

Dpo count! Forewarning, it's a long one!

Ok so Im probably going to make two posts, bc those of you who know my entire situation with DH, I could sure use some advice on how to tell him and what to say! I'm SO NERVOUS but of course I want to tell him NOW! im so confused, lol I want to tell him now, but I also want to wait just in case. I want him to be as ecstatic and happy as I am, but I know he won't be. Not at first. Maybe not until this baby gets here.. He is already very stressed in our current situation and I SOSOSO wanted to get everything atleast lined up before this happened. Oi vei!

maybe I won't write another post, I can barely get my words together LOL! But yea, open to any and all suggestions , please!!

things I did different this cycle: diet. I'm not overweight, but I'm not particularly healthy when it comes to food. My favorites foods are processed, fatty, greasy heart attacks on a platter type of foods lol so this cycle in hopes of swaying boy, I switched to a 80/20 alkalizing/acidic diet . Tried to keep it closer to 90/10, but wasn't too successful. A lot of bolthouse farms juice (Green goodness & daily greens!) I noticed an overall better energy about myself about a week after changing my diet, so if you feel sluggy you should def try to be more alkalizing! (And I was by no means on a "PerfeCt" alkaline diet!)  I had started drinking fertilitea a week before af last cycle, if you're thinking about trying it and have long cycles, DO IT! I officially swear by it. dh has been less than careful the night before o atleast twice, and less than careful is simply not pulling out fast enough. I do believe the better quality cm I had (inside only, it's never been leaking out of me or anything) helped things along. But that's IT! not much difference from any other cycle, besides these 2 factors.

Now, first let me tell you, I had a good feeling I could be pregnant, but as I'm usually the type who has a very strong "intuition" when that bean is first conceived, it wasn't there this time! That threw me off most, it just wasn't there and I fully expected to JUST KNOW when this happened.. when I took that hpt I was telling myself, there goes the dye and here comes the stark white bfn! I pretty much had no idea.. I expected that bfn. Also, when I took the walmart cheapie hpt, there was no hold. Maybe an hour, max. Didn't have much to drink that day, but I def wasn't trying to hold to test or anything. As a matter of fact I told myself I would wait til I actually needed to pee so I could have a good hold, but like I've said, no self control lol

My very FIRST clue that made me start wondering about my current symptoms was when I took my afternoon temp around 8 or 9dpo (whenever I had the sore throat).. It was 99.5, which is wayyy above my post o afternoon norm (about 98.4-98.9). I kept temping for a few days multiple times a day (as temp can rise during certain times simply bc of natural circadian rhythym!) and my temp stayed between 99.1-99.5 from morning until about 9pm, even after that sore throat disappeared! My second pregnancy, when I had *just* starting learning all this ttc stuff, I was 2 days late for af and read about low grade fevers in early pregnancy, took my temp and it was around 99.6 or something like that, so the high afternoon temp this time had me very very curious, couldn't stop googling about it trying to find something that was a YES you're pregnant! Of course, I didn't know if those kind of high temps happen every cycle post o and are only accurate after af is missing, or if my body now just typically runs higher post o than it did a year ago, so I really was trying to hold off with my crazyness over it (Googling got me nowhere, just a bunch of grouchy women telling other women afternoon temps mean nothing!) I decided to test 12dpo, after I had literally JUST decided to wait until 14dpo, bc all my af symptoms had been nonexistent the entire day. No gurgles in my tummy that are usually so consistent, no big bad endo cramps making me wish I could rip my uterus out..  total shocker Bc by 12dpo I'm usually pretty miserable and begging for af!

And now, for the dpo countdown (:

1-6dpo - a LOT of chunky,white, & wet cm, but only when checking for cm.

6dpo - backache, af type cramps (EARLY in cycle compared to "normal"), gas!

7dpo - .7 spike in bbt. Af cramps, Backache, irritable, tender bbs, watery cm (this time it is slightly leaking onto panties, this is the ONLY time in tww I had more cm than normal!) gas!! Very irritating sore throat

8dpo - bloated. Horrible headache in pm (not an af sign for me, I rarely get them) Irritable!, af cramps, still sore throat

9dpo - backache, heartburn (later in tww than "normal"), watery cm(only when checking), napped (never happens), throat no longer sore even though no meds not even cough drops taken..odd. Also, no more bloating. Usually when af bloating starts, it stays until af.

6-9dpo - woke each morning feeling like my tummy turned into a bottomless pit, sooo hungry. Constant painful stretching stitches from ribcage down to lower abdomen. light af gurgles. alternating sharp cramps in lower left and right abdomen. Quick burning waves over lower left abdomen. Wave of nausea in evening. Constant Backache and af cramps afternoon temps 99.1-99.5 

10dpo - sporadic shooting sensations through right bb. Bbs less sore but still a tad. Feels like pressure on rectum, feels like I need to have a bm but there's nothing in there(sry lol). Temp 99.3 by 9am. While laying down, suddenly entire body had a warm buzzing feeling, like a ghost was pulling a really cozy blanket over my whole body lol, weird. SLEEP! DH off work today, napped during the day from 2-6pm, then in bed by 11pmand slept til 7am(waking once at 3am of course!)! I NEVER do this anymore! Not since I was pregnant with dd!

11dpo - still af cramps but wayyy less intense than previous days. Bbs don't seem sore at all. Flatline temps. Temp 99.5 at 11am. Nauseas, hot flashes. Bloated but in a weird way, not uncomfortably but very tight/round feeling? Bbs ACHE horribly at night. Not really tender, but my Whole chest, soo achey! & Never thought frequent pee breaks was a real tww symptom until today!

12dpo - 5th flatline temp. Bbs not tender but random aches. Feeling good this am surprisingly, normally by now af cramps would be getting intense! Pit in stomach, cramps, like muscles won't stop stretching. Nausea. Backache. No af gurgles (usually am gurgling almost constantly by now). Random stabs in nips. Also note, no increased cm from 9-12dpo. It is exactly like af cm! No ib either, which I DID have my last pregnancy. Very quick sharp pains, very annoying dull af cramps. Abdomen is taught & tight. Headache. BFP NO HOLD!! WHAT?!

13dpo - so far this morning, nothing. Aside from again waking at 3am, then 7am(I have woken up at these two times consecutively since about 8dpo) and being up for the morning.. I feel nothing. Bbs don't hurt this morning, no nausea. I feel great! 

And one last "symptom".. This entire tww my hair has been SO DAMN GREASY! This does NOT happen to me, my hair is beautiful and healthy and thick and NOT GREASY like, ever. It's also never been a pregnancy thing for me..Well currently, I can't find a way to control this crap, i look like I don't take care of my head :(

and one last thing, I kept 2 different chart scenarios this cycle, as my temping times have been a tiny bit off (normal temping time started at 6am post o, then ended up being more like 7-8am post o bc of new waking times after 6dpo!). I don't usually adjust my temps, but due to the later temping time I did keep a chart with adjusted times, one chart is triphasic, one is not. The link is to the triphasic chart, the pic is off the adjusted chart (last open circle is just bc I didn't change time when I entered data). I'm posting both of them to show that 1)not being triphasic doesn't mean you aren't pregnant! And 2) adjusting your temps is not really necessary unless theres a couple hours difference between temping times. Generally, you will still see the same pattern if you temp in the same fashion (first waking after deepest sleep!), regardless of a 1-2 hr time different in temping!

& im not going anywhere, this pregnancy isn't promised yet and even if it is I've got 6months to try and figure out the gender before the gender scan (nub theory, ramzi theory anyone?!) so there is still plenty of obsessing left to do!(;

Holy moly 12dpo bfp!!

12dpo, within 30 seconds!! The second line never went away when the dye ran like normal, I'm in total shock!!!

I'm SO jealous of all you ladies who will get to run out of the bathroom into DHs arms with excitement when you get your bfp..I'm over the moon but omg idk how I'm going to tell dh!!

 Wishing all you ladies bfps this cycle! 

Self control..

i have none! But am trying to convince myself otherwise lol

12 dpo today and I have NO idea what to think about my chart or my body.. 

My bbt stayed at 98.1 this morning, so this is the 5th morning of flatline temps which could mean nothing or could mean everything! I've felt af type cramps and all around crappy feelings from 6dpo-11dpo, but so far this morning I feel great! Cramps gone for the most part. My bbs seemed increasingly sore from 3dpo-9dpo which is a tad longer than usual, but this is where is gets a little weird.. the night of 10dpo I could have sworn my bbs were more sore than they had been previously, but only enough that I convinced myself I was making it up. Well last night I KNOW I didn't make up that my bbs were killing me. And yet this morning they are fine again? tender if I sit here and press on them, a little ache here n there, but otherwise fine. but at night they HURT, and it's a different hurt than being tender. It's a general uncomfortable acheyness. This is new..

Honestly, this entire tww has been pretty different than the others, but I'm not putting any stock into ANYTHING because of the fertilitea. For all I know this is how normal women feel post o bc I can't remember what normal is! Lol!

i refuse to test unless af doesn't show Sunday and my temp stays up!! Do you hear me ol concious of mine? REFUSE!! It's only 2 days.. all there is to do is wait and listen to what my body tells me.. And figure out how the hell to bring this to DH if af doesn't show.. Right now I think af is having its own kind of fun with me lol.. Will my temp drop tomorrow? Do these bbs mean anything? Do these phantom af cramps mean anything? Do these temps mean anything?? We will see.. Meanwhile heres my chart, totally open to speculation/interpretation/predictions :D

also, my head is a bit all over the place atm.. Sorry for the extremely rambly post! Hope everyone is having a lovely morning(: