There were 3 reasons we started this blog.
1. It's cathartic and helps to keep us sane.
2. If the worst happens and AF shows up, we have a record of everything that happened this cycle to look back on.
3. Come what may this cycle, it will hopefully help other people going through the TWW to read about our experience.
This morning we felt really deflated and had all but convinced ourselves we were out. It sounds crazy now that we've stopped, breathed, researched and learned, but for a while there we were really upset. So what was it that sent us tail spinning into doom and gloom for our previously optimistic (albeit frustrated) state of mind?
Two minor changes that could mean absolutely nothing either way!
The first thing that happened was a temp drop. Now, first of all, as long as the temp doesn't drop below the cover line, it doesn't serve as much of an indication of anything but suddenly in our heads it became a "bad sign". The second thing was a reappearance of the red/brown streaked CM that I had back on DPO 7 or 8. It looks exactly the same and on that day we chalked it up to a positive sign, possibly implantation related. Today, because were approaching the time that AF is due (tomorrow or Monday) it immediately became a bad sign, it was the start of AF coming??
The thing that we have learned is that any sign or symptom could be good or bad and depending on your mood, the time in your cycle or just the timing of it can make you feel very positive or very negative. I think the key for next cycle if we do not get a BFP this month is to just accept that nothing means much of anything and we need to just get on with things until we see AF or BFP.
So, with my rational head screwed back on...
Yesterday, I noticed that my BB pain is either a little better or I'm just getting used to it. My temp remained high and the nausea got worse. There was another BFN using FR HPT but again, it was probably only 11 DPO, so it doesn't necessarily mean anything. Late last night I had a severe bout of nausea. Until now, it has been more of a nauseated reflux feeling that is relieved by my (excessive) burping. Last night, I had to make the dash to the bathroom because I thought I was actually going to be sick. I wasn't but I really thought I would be.
I was really tired and we went to bed, but despite falling asleep quickly, my sleep was really disturbed all night. Needless to say, I woke up at 5am and did my temp (usually done at 8am) which is probably why my temp is off this morning. Again...earlier I saw it as a really bad sign, with calm rational thought and research, it is probably that my sleep pattern was messed up and I shouldn't really pay any mind to it!
FMU I used an Internet cheapo test, I don't want to keep using the higher priced tests at this point. I'll save those for after AF should arrive if I'm late. BFN! Obviously, in my head that compounded my "bad sign" temp and now I'm feeling deflated. 10am, CM check... it's gone from milky/lotion-like to a clear, sticky consistency that has streaks of red/brown in it. Naturally this turned into another "bad sign" at that moment, but it was the same as the stuff from the other day. The only difference is I am now close to the time AF should be showing up. Immediately I start searching for information and found very conflicting information, but one thing turned us both around.
Someone had posted about the same thing and was asking what it meant. Attached to it was a GRAPHIC picture of what she was seeing. Not exactly pleasant viewing, but it looked exactly the same as the CM I am getting. Reading on through the thread... she got a BFP a few days later (back to positive thoughts) so again, all the information I found about how it was the start of AF suddenly didn't seem so "correct".
I guess the key to this post is that you really just don't know and as annoying, frustrating and worrying as the TWW is... nothing really matters until AF sings or the two lines show up!