Menu Search Account

Trying-to-Conceive Blog

Trying To Be Hopeful!

Hello, Today I've learned our 3rd IVF (in vitro fertilization) transfer has failed. The other two were chemical pregnancies (I was carrying). This one was a BFN. It's probably better that way, but still hard. My wife and I have been trying for 3 1/2 years. Besides the transfers, we've also done undergone 9 IUI's between us. That resulted in two miscarriages after around 9 weeks, for her. My wife, Danni, is 32 and I am 33 years old. My wife has gone through every test you can imagine. And everything seems to come back normal, which is odd because the miscarried embryos also came back normal. I guess that's unexplained infertility in a nutshell. We only have 2 more frozen embryos. One is normal but another came back as inconclusive, so it's a "wild card." They didn't have enough to test. We're deciding whether to take a month off, or keep going. It's physically and emotionally exhausting (plus financially, but trying not to think about that). And it's all kept secret, because it's too painful to keep telling people it didn't work. So no one really knew about this- except my mom and dad. We're also trying to figure out whether to put the last two in together, or to separate them. Does anyone have any advice on "wild card" embryos? Or doing two at once? Part of me is worried the "wild card" might affect the healthy one negatively. Can that happen? It's really our last ditch effort- before we either shell out more money for sperm and IUIs... or adopt. You would think having two uteruses we would have gotten somewhere by now. But I guess life doesn't work like that. It's so frustrating and disheartening. And we're at the age where babies are all over Facebook and it seems so easy for other people- even other lesbians who do IVF (in vitro fertilization) (I know two who have two kids already). It's hard and would love to hear any advice. Thank you so much!! Allison and Danni


I don't think the wildcard could hurt the other one. I say go for them both at the same time. I remember back in my hours of reading blogs that it's not always the perfect embie and it can be the lower grade that makes the baby. So sorry for all your losses. It sucks to have to keep going through that.